The Space Barbarians - Dirty Harry's band of misfits.

[Joe4444]

Right got a short update for you here.
Also at some point Joe called Crab a cunt 4 no reisen.

filthy xenu skum is why.

[Karmac]

I'd just like to point out I'm short sighted in real life, so having only one eye just adds relatability, as for the arm thing, I've had the whole thing covered in a 3rd degree burn, but not crushed. So uhh, limited relatability there. so far

[Dirty Old Harry]

http://prntscr.com/easj4y, i'm probably going to regret this...

Carmac also has an eyepatch now and he's swapped his bolt rifle for a scoped assault rifle to act more like a spotter for Joe.

Joe: So wait, you're my spotter now?
Carmac: Seems like it, god sure does have a sick sense of humor.
Me: *Chuckle*

[Dirty Old Harry]

Incendiary launcher is finished, http://prntscr.com/eat0nm.

Also a trader came by and we're buying this from him for 9k out of our 11k, http://prntscr.com/eat56g. You had better be fucking thankful Carmac.

[Karmac]

R O B O T A R M

god bless you kind sir

[Boltersam]

Woo fire! Next up, War Bear!

[Dirty Old Harry]

Another update for you and this one should be big so sorry in advance for the wall of text that will surely amount by the end of this.

So we got a lot of things going on, some of them bad and some of them good. First off, Crab and Carmac and now together as well as Ortega and this woman we saved from pirates. Crab, Carmac and Derp went and got gut worms which makes them puke all the fucking time and generally hurts a bunch so we caught three pirates when we saved that woman that Ortega's with and we cut them open and stole their stomachs but we only managed to get two as the third one died during surgery so it was a fail. We made a incendiary bolt launcher which acts like a crossbow that fires molotovs essentially, Bolt is over the goddamn moon at this, oh we also got a Bionic hand from a prosthetics trader that was in orbit so now Bolt has a Bionic left hand.

I need names for two new arrivals as we have a nurse that we bought from slavers, my first thought would be to name her Patches or some other well known medic. We also need a name for the woman that we saved from the pirates, she's good at cooking and socialising so someone gimme a name for her. Due to the combined efforts of Joe and J, we've discovered energy ballistics and IEDs so we'll soon be kitted out with pulse rifles and energy carbines.

Two arctic foxes were tamed along with a timber wolf and a Lynx, gimme names and they'll happen. Now the bad news...

We have lost Kirchner to a grizzly bear and when Bolt went out to save Kirchner she too was claimed by the bear, we brought her in and fixed her up but she's lost her eyes and a leg. We gave her a peg leg so that at the very least she could walk, then a part of a space ship landed nearby with a psychic presence calling everyone to it, we rallied and stormed it and fought hard against several giant centipedes with Inferno cannons and Energy Rippers, while everyone was busy dealing with the mechanoids Bolt had decided to burn something down in vengence for losing her eyes and what she chose to burn down just so happened to be the room that was containing Harry's cryostasis pod. Bolt herself had recieved several severe burns from the event but The Space Barbarians lost their leader that day. He now rests in a secluded marble tomb not far from the base in a large marble sarcophagus. An enemy faction named "The Crag Wolves" sent a large group of their men to siege our base, they brought many supplies with them and have set up a siege camp on the edge of the map, they intend to use mortars to break us apart and weaken us before using drop pods to crash down and into our base where they will attempt to beat us down from inside our own base. Beaten and bloody from fighting the mechanoids and from the near constant shelling and from losing their leader, The Barbarians still need to fight through winter in a constant -40 degrees celsius climate. Food is low and now so is morale, pray for them because it doesn't look good...

[Karmac]

We do not need prayer, we are SPESS BARBS,

SPESS BARBS, TODEH THE ENEMEH IS AT OUR DHOORSTEP.

[Boltersam]

I'm finally leader!

Also, can I even aim without eyes, or is the strategy to make the battlefield a hellpit while my pets distract the enemy?

[LarryOrtega]

Hunt down animals for insta food, try to make a skirmish with an scooped rifle/sniper and take out the bazooka/grenades/sniper guy first, then send a raiding party to kill the other people.

Rest in pieces Kirchner

[Dirty Old Harry]

Hunt down animals for insta food, try to make a skirmish with an scooped rifle/sniper and take out the bazooka/grenades/sniper guy first, then send a raiding party to kill the other people.

Rest in pieces Kirchner

There's no animals around other than the ones in the colon- oh...

Yeah there's over 30 of them and they've all got guns and then there's also the fact that everyone is beat to shit, Ortega is probably the best so i'll put him forward with his power armor and minigun to soak up bullets and have Joe try to pick off the more hard hitters from a distance. The only problem with this is that we may not actually live long enough for Joe to take them all down and once a considerable number of enemies in a siege have been killed then they will begin their assault which would likely decimate us. If only i had time then i could use that as a way to lure the enemy into a huge minefield or a giant killzone with turrets but we really don't have the materials for it anymore and we don't have the time either. So this brings me to my other option of reloading a save just before the battle with the mechanoids and perhaps try to guide it from there.

[Karmac]

Reload the save after the fight if you think you need to, this could be good.

[Dirty Old Harry]

So here's what i've done:

I went and loaded up the save and just as expected Bolt tried setting fire to the colony but she was stopped and locked up in her room, i built sandbags around the area in which the mechanoids would appear and so we went through that fight with a few less bumps and here's the miraculous part...

Harry is with us once again! A prosthetics trader passed by and we bought a few surrogate organs to temporarily revive Harry, surrogate organs are basically synthetic organs that you're supposed to use when waiting for a proper artificial organ or an organic one, kinda like a cast for your leg, let's you keep going but you shouldn't have it forever. These organs work just as organic ones do but they slowly break down and stop working properly after a while. While this is better than being kept in stasis, he's still in need of proper organs. The Lungs give long term respiratory problems the longer you have them installed, the liver doesn't keep sugar levels at a balance and the heart sometimes skips a beat. The siege is still upon us but with most of us in fighting form then we can take the fight to them before they get the chance to shell us. Just before i started writing all this i had sandbags and security barriers quickly built around the edges of the map so that we'll be ready. Oh and i managed to buy a single bionic eye for Bolt so she can see again, in fact she can probably see better than she could with two normal eyes but hey ho. The Space Barbarians fight on.

[Karmac]

it's like Space Wolves mixed with some Ultramarine nonsense going on right now, I love it.

[Casany]

If ye have extra spess can you add meh in?

[Dirty Old Harry]

If ye have extra spess can you add meh in?

I have three people that need names, you'd be welcomed in with open arms.

[Derpislav]

Tell me about my character.

[RedsPro]

I request to be one of the men who do the thing yes please

[Dirty Old Harry]

Alrighty, just gonna quickly name off everyone we got so far and a sort of brief description of them so here we go:

Harry. Male. 41 conscious years and 866 cryo years.
Muthafuckin' me man. Currently the leader of our little glorious Warband. Packing a 'Charge 10 Rifle' (or just Plasma LMG for those lesser inclined) bionically enhanced to the max but with the downside of a single EMP grenade being able to kill him, he's not exactly bulletproof but if you shoot him anywhere on his body then he won't feel it due to the numerous implants and rib replacements that he has. Can do everything related to construction, which involves building structures, tearing them down, manufacturing a wide variety of items and weapons and knowledge in colony management systems.

Bolt. Female. 45 conscious years and 54 cryo years.
Bolt does everything related to animals and our food, she tames wild animals and trains them to hunt or haul things for us. She also grows crops and cooks our food. She has a tendancy to start fires at the most inopperable of times and recently lost both of her eyes and had one replaced with a bionic eye. She carries a large bolt loaded incendiary launcher into battle so that she can basically shoot molotovs at you. Currently married to Joe.

Joe. Male. 36 conscious years and 160 cryo years.
The best marksman that this freezing iceball of a planet has ever seen, carries his unique scoped bolt action rifle named 'The Suffering of Joe' into battle and works as the marksman in the two man sniper team. Pretty confident he knows more than you do and doesn't waste the opportunity not telling you so, he's a total fuckin' nerd but he's the deadliest nerd you've ever met. Works as our primary researcher and hunter. Has two Advanced Bionic eyes that let him see heat signatures through walls so he could still shoot you if the cover between him and you is thin enough. Currently married to Bolt.

Crab. Female. 29 conscious years and 320 cryo years.
Crab can do everything that Harry can do and does so, the two work together when building or producing items. Should Harry die then Crab would likely be the one to take his place as the new leader, was together with Carmac until he popped the question and Crab broke off the relationship. Issued with a pump action shotgun and a joywire implant, Crab is also Sanguine so no matter the situation they'll always see the glass half full.

J. Male. 31 conscious years and 301 cryo years.
Also a nerd but a strong hulky kinda nerd, acts as our doctor and surgeon and the strongest in melee next to Harry, has two bionic arms that he uses to Rip and Tear along with a sword rumored to be Excalibur. Filled with a frenzy when charging into battle and doesn't mind seeing people die and even gets a pretty big kick out of killing someone himself, this is really the only way to negate his irritation at being bionically enhanced as he's a Prostophobe so that he thinks the human body is fine and as god intended it to be so he doesn't like prosthetics.

Ortega. Male. 41 conscious years and 711 cryo years.
Born as a vatgrown soldier and was taught how to pull the trigger from birth to present. Literally only thing he knows how to do, can carry gear and can kill and that's it. Showed up with his own suit of jury rigged power armor that he probably pulled from a cold rotting corpse on some battlefield somewhere. Runs with a minigun and his armor and an advanced combat helmet which let's him quickly identify who needs shot in battle. No enhancements or anything special either. Currently together with Casany. When he isn't fighting then he's carrying something heavy from point A to point B.

Carmac. Male. 55 conscious years and 64 cryo years.
Works as an Engineer and can be found repairing things around the colony or in the workshop producing items. Got a good pair of eyes on him so he works as the spotter in the two man sniper team with Joe and is outfitted with a scoped M4 which let's him defend Joe against enemies that are trying to rush the two. The range on it is almost as far as Joe's rifle when combined with his single advanced bionic eye and perception implant that is installed in his noggin'. Recently he lost his arm to a pretty bad cave in while he was mining and had it replaced with a power arm with a hand that can switch between a typical mechanical hand and three serrated claws for when punks get too close.

Derpislav. Female. 26 conscious years and 0 cryo years.
Showed up one day as a slave with a slave caravan and was bought by Harry after noticing their exceptional medicine knowledge, mind you though, not enough to be a dedicated doctor or surgeon but enough to qualify as a field medic or nurse. Pretty shoddy with shooting so they walk about with a 10mm pistol and a combat kit allowing them to perform basic surgeries and medical procedures on the spot and without the need of dragging a casualty back to the base for fixing. When not acting as a nurse then they stay useful as an extra pair of hands in the fields growing rice and by keeping the base clean. Pretty nice person to talk to and is the only person that'll talk with prisoners.

Casany. Female. 31 conscious years and 299 cryo years.
Saved from a gang of raping and pillaging pirates that rampaged through our land chasing after her, she also claimed to be lovers with Ortega so now we know one more thing he can do. She doesn't have an amazing set of skills but has a really big "Personality" kinda makes sense why the pirates were chasing her now... she can cook pretty well and her cooking hasn't killed anyone YET. She also uses her charming way with words or rather, her two big assets to get her way but don't mistake her for an asshole, she's rather pleasant to be around and tries to keep spirits high in the colony.

Red. Male. 29 conscious years and 0 cryo years.
Just like Ortega, dude was made in a vat and was taught how to kill from birth, knows only how to pull a trigger really, can't cook, clean, carry or do anything intellectual or anything that requires labour but knows pretty well about the weapon he holds in his hands which would be a dated lever action rifle. Pretty nifty with it and if he ever had eye implants then he'd likely join Joe and Carmac in a three man sniper team.

If anyone else joins us then you'll be listed here.
You guys have no idea how long it took me to write this fuckin' post. Can't feel muh fingas no mo'.

[Dirty Old Harry]

So during Red's first fight he was getting into position with Joe and Carmac as they set up a small sniper's nest to start picking off fuckers from the siege, Red was the first to pop out of cover and before he could even line up a target, a laser beam appears from nowhere and disintegrates his spine killing him instantly. He was like a dude in d-day, like one of the guys that get shot as the ramp falls down on their carrier. He didn't even get to shoot one guy. Sorry man, http://prntscr.com/ebbtkg.

Basically what had happened is they had a sniper with a scoped laser rifle and 19 in shooting and he had the three of our lads sighted in as they were getting into position. That guy was possibly a better sharpshooter than Joe. I had Harry, Crab and Ortega come up on the flank however and they wiped out most of the camp. Ortega had his left leg burned up to a flamethrower, infections were going to kill him so we had it amputated. Ortega is currently awaiting a new bionic leg. Crab had his stomach destroyed and his left lung ruptured and is in stasis, J will set about removing the needed organs from our newest captives as soon as the sun rises over the horizon...

[Karmac]

You'd think women would have lower standards in a situation like this. also holy shit, RIP Red.

[LarryOrtega]

Rest in pieces Red, aka Evan stelf

[Dirty Old Harry]

Alrighty quick update for y'all.

So as of right now we have 9 animals with us: Three adult grizzly bears, two arctic foxes, two wolves, a lynx and a labrador retriever which may possibly be the offspring from Kirchner.

Two of the bears and the wolves have bonded with Harry so they will follow him and the lynx and two foxes follow Bolt while the labrador retriever bonded with Crab.

We attempted to pull both stomachs out of our two prisoners and both failed horribly, Carmac is really starting to need a new stomach as the surrogate stomach is starting to break down. Ortega had lost his leg in the last fight so instead of building a bionics bench and building him a bionic leg i had a simple prosthetic made instead since building a bionic bench now would be a waste of time and material since we're getting close to moving to the mountain bunker which is coming along nicely, once the defences are finished then i'll put up a screenshot. Winter has also ended and we're in the 8th of Spring so crops can be grown outside once again. Red was placed in the tomb of fallen Space Barbarians in a marble sarcophagus. Crab now carries his rifle. Oh and Ortega and Derpislav are together.

[Dirty Old Harry]

This is it. End of the line for us.

What just happened has completely taken me by surprise and it is with great sadness that i bring you this update. Just recently we had come under siege from a mechanoid hive which wouldn't be a problem since we were in our mountain bunker (Which you'll get to see shortly) What was a problem is that there was a total of 7 centipedes and 4 scythers. We took heavy damage from this first assault. What then happened was what i can only assume as an entire fuckin' army of ravenous, raping, pillaging, ruthless and terrifying army of pirates that attacked us. They had a Devestator mortar that they used to pound us for a single day. This was the result: http://prntscr.com/ebtpk3.

Casany, Crab, Carmac and J were claimed either by the shelling or the flames. A Bear, a lynx, a wolf, a labrador and both foxes were killed.

We just got fucked in the ass.

[Casany]

Reload the save and prepare a nuclear bunker