I saw Alien 3 for the first time

[Monoo]

Alien cubed. Or something. Hoooly shit, guys. I have to say words.

2/10. I don't want to say I HATED it, but... I hated it. Spoilers below.

In my opinion, it got worse as it went along. Or, it got better slightly in the middle, and then went even worse than before. Like a bell curve of shit and slightly smellier shit.

Some major problems I had:

1. The fact that it was made in the first place. Aliens gave us a perfect and satisfying conclusion to Ripley's story, and then this movie comes along and tears that to shreds, lights it on fire, and then does the macarena over the flaming wreckage. And out from the fire oozed the slime of several more average-to-below-average sequels...

2. The way it picked up. The previous title had events logically following the first movie. This one had to shoehorn in a random facehugger because $$$

3. Killing off Newt and Hicks. Yeah, obviously. This is the thing that most people take issue with, but it's for a good reason. I mean, if you're going to make a sequel, at least build on the themes and characters in the prior movie. The first five minutes of ayyylmoocubed ruined everything Ripley's character was building to in Aliens. FUCKING SPEAKING OF WHICH

4. WASTING CHARLES DANCE'S CHARACTER. I'm so mad about this, for exactly the same reason. Yeah, Dance wasn't as well known as he is now, but he still portrayed that character beautifully! They spent all that time having us get to know him and he gets killed in a throwaway scene. Blargh.

5. It didn't feel like an Alien movie. None of the big elements of the world were present, until W-Y showed up at the VERY END. None of the interesting and vibrant corporate world we only glimpsed before is expanded on, and we're relegated to a shitty prison world with washed out colors. Fiorina gave me a Riddick vibe, rather than an Alien vibe. No good retro scifi ships or tech, no creepy, tense buildup or dread. We got a bunch of bald-ass Jango Fett sounding inmates and some vague references to everything that made the other movies fun. Surprise surprise, the writer for one of the unfinished scripts took his ideas and made Pitch Black. Fuck's sake.

6. The special effects were terrible. How do the practical pieces from the original 70s movie hold up so much better than the glowy floaty 90sVision™ monster we got in this one?

7. The writing is also terrible. This movie had NO quotable dialogue. Any time there was potential for a decent line, baldie #5 just blurted out "fuck" instead. Boring.

8. It just wasn't satisfying. I think every other movie in the franchise has an ending you can appreciate. This one makes it feel like you got nothing from watching the movie, since everyone with any degree of personality or motivation was killed. I just kind of sat there, drooling all over myself, after it was done. Then I sniffed some more glue.

Okay, rant/review over. And I REFUSE to watch Resurrection.

[Martzin]

ok, gotcha man
now we know why this movie was shitty
what happened to the aliens franchise

[Jdobbin49]

Well at least they couldnt make the series even worse with a FOURTH movie, hahaha...

wait

[NescauComToddy]

In the Comics, Hicks and Newt are actually alive. They even have a history that resembles "The Last of Us". Unfortunately, Alien: 3 was a disgrace and a potential loss for the series. But nothing compares to Resurrection.

[Crab_Spider]

Well at least they couldnt make the series even worse with a FOURTH movie, hahaha...

wait

But Alien : Covenant was pretty good

[Monoo]

In the Comics, Hicks and Newt are actually alive. They even have a history that resembles "The Last of Us". Unfortunately, Alien: 3 was a disgrace and a potential loss for the series. But nothing compares to Resurrection.

Wait how are they alive? My man Clemens was sawing Newt's ribcage open.

[Jdobbin49]

But Alien : Covenant was pretty good

I haven't seen it yet, waiting till after exams. I'm excited to go see it though despite some of my friends saying it wasn't great

[fatalityfun]

Wait how are they alive? My man Clemens was sawing Newt's ribcage open.

I think he meant in the comic, which the movie just gave no shits about

[Monoo]

Honestly, couldn't they have let the Sulaco return home and then have WY "arrest" Ripley? The others would get to live, Bishop would be top of the line again, you could even have Ripley adopt Newt if you're into that. Then WY could send Ripley off to a -normal- penal colony not out of Riddick, to do time for her crimes. Said colony is not inhabited by bald cultists, but somewhat interesting everymen like the other two movies. WY then dumps some eggs in the facility... oops!

[fatalityfun]

if only you had been the one to write its story, if only.

[darkwahn]

Kinda wish they had gone with Gigers original design for the alien for 3, that would've been interesting in a weird way at least.