How The Baldie Stole Xenomas

[Grinch]

Someone asked for this in Deadchat so here you go.

Every Xeno down in Xenoville liked Xenomas a lot
But the Baldie who lived just North of Xenoville did not!

The Baldie hated Xenomas! The whole Xenomas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be, perhaps, that his boots were too tight.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.

But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his grief was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, his grief or his boots,
He stood there on Xenomas Eve hating the Xenos,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Baldie frown
At the warm lighted membrane below in their hive,

For he knew every Xeno down in Xenoville beneath
Was busy now hanging a hollyxeno wreath.

"And they're hanging their huggers," he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Xenomas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Baldie fingers nervously drumming,
"I must find some way to keep Xenomas from coming!

For, tomorrow, I know all the Xeno girls and larva
Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their jelly!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their claws.
They'll dance with limbs tied onto their heels.
They'll blow their acid. They'll stomp their claws.
They'll blow their bombards. They'll bang their heads.
They'll spin their tails. They'll slam their walls.
They'll beat their hosts. They'll wham their furry host.
And they'll play noisy games like huggerball,
A hugger type of lacrosse and croquet!
And then they'll make ear-splitting screeches galooks
On their great big electro Xenocarnio flooks!

Then the Xenos, young and ancient, will sit down to a feast.
And they'll feast! And they'll feast! And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They'll feast on Xeno jelly, and rare Xeno roast host,
Raw roast host is a feast I can't stand in the least!

And then they'll do something I hate most of all!
Every Xeno down in Xenoville, the tall and the small,

They'll stand close together, with Xenomas bells ringing.
They'll stand claw-in-claw, and those Xenoss will start singing!"

"And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!"
And the more the Baldie thought of this Xeno Xenomas Sing,
The more the Baldie thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
I must stop Xenomas from coming! But how?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Xeno got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" The Xeno laughed in his throat.
"I'll make a quick Santy Claws hat and a coat."

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great baldie trick!
With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a Specialist." The Baldie looked around.
But since Specialists are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the Baldie? Hah! The Baldie simply said,
"If I can't find a specialist, I'll make one instead!"

So he took his standard Max, and he took some black thread.
And he tied a big SADAR on top of his head.

Then he loaded some bags and some old empty sacks
On a ramshackle sleigh and he whistled for Max.

Then the Grinch said "Giddyap!" and the sleigh started down
Toward the hives where the Xenos lay a-snooze in their hive.

All their membranes were dark. No one knew he was there.
All the Xenos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first little hive of the square.

"This is stop number one," the old Baldie Claws hissed,
As he climbed to the tunnel, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the tunnel, a rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Baldie.

He got stuck only once, for a minute or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the tunnel flue

Where the little Xeno huggers hung all in a row.
"These huggers," he baldied, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!

resin, weeds, walls, and jelly!
Checkerboard nests, doors, hosts, and eggs!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Baldie, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the tunnel.

Then he slunk to the nesting. He took the Xenos' feast!
He took the Xeno jelly! He took the roast host!

He cleaned out that nesting as quick as a flash.
Why, that Baldie even took the last can of Xeno acid!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"Now," grinned the Baldie, "I will stuff up the tree!"

As the Baldie took the tree, as he started to shove,
He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small larva!
Little Larva-Lou Xeno, who was no more than two.

She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claws, why,
Why are you taking our Xenomas tree? Why?"

But, you know, that old Baldie was so dumb and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claws lied,
"There's a head on this tree that won't light on one side.

So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
I'll fix it up there, then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink, and he sent her to bed.

And when Larva-Lou Xeno was in bed with her cup,
He crupt to the tunnel and stuffed the tree up!

Then he went up the tunnel himself, the old liar.
And the last thing he took was the log for their fire.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some gibs.

And the one speck of food that he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then he did the same thing to the other Xenos' houses,
Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Xenos' mouses!

It was quarter of dawn. All the Xenos still a-bed,
All the Xenos still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their eggs, their jelly, their wrappings,
Their acid and their weeds, their bombards and trappings!

Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Bald,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!

"Pooh-pooh to the Xenos!" he was baldily humming.
"They're finding out now that no Xenomas is coming!

They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then the Xenos down in Xenoville will all cry boo-hoo!

That's a noise," grinned the Baldie, "that I simply must hear!"
He paused, and the Baldie put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low, then it started to grow.

But this sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded glad!

Every Xeno down in Xenoville, the tall and the small,
Was singing without any jellys at all!

He hadn't stopped Xenomas from coming! It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Baldie, with his baldie feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling. "How could it be so?

It came without resin! It came without eggs!
It came without nests, walls, or weeds!"

He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Baldie thought of something he hadn't before.

Maybe Xenomas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Xenomas, perhaps, means a little bit more!

And what happened then? Well, in Xenoville they say
That the Baldie's small grief grew three sizes that day!

And then the true meaning of Xenomas came through,
And the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two!

And now that his grief didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light

With a smile to his soul, he descended Mount Bald
Cheerily blowing "Xeno! Xeno!" on his trumpet.

He road into Xenoville. He brought back their eggs.
He brought back their jelly to the Xeno girls and larva.

He brought back their resin and their bombards and acid,
Brought back their pounces, their pheromones and charges.

He brought everything back, all the food for the feast!
And he, he himself, the Baldie carved the roast host!

Welcome Xenomas. Bring your cheer,
Cheer to all Xenos, far and near.

Xenomas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have claws to grasp.

Xenomas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we.

Welcome Xenomas while we stand
Heart to heart and claw in claw.

[James5734]

10/10

[manezinho]

7.5/10 Too much snow.

[Heckenshutze]

Asking this to be our official thread for the upcoming Xmas