I didn't want to make this post, and i'll tell you why

[mizolo]

So recently people, especially on my applications, have complained and bitched about my "2 Year-Old-ness".
Well i'm gonna tell you why i'm such a "2 Year-Old" and i'm not going to say anything more or anything less.

I didn't want to make this post because people generally shit-on and scrutinize people with these, so here I go.


To simply put this, I have these mental conditions:

► Show Spoiler

Mild autism (Aspergers). YES, YES IT DOES OFFEND ME when people say "FUCKING AUTIST" and things like that. Why people seem so "shocked" as to why I get so "triggered' over this fact seems strange in my eyes. Not only do they act as if it's "normal" and "ok" to say this to people, they also expect it to be taken as a joke, which I can assure you is NOT TO ME.

Under-stimulated amygdala, this basically is the reptile/sleep-controller part of your brain, which ALSO links DIRECTLY to self-control and the ability to suppress expressing feelings. I have worked on this all my life, and STILL have not been able to be even NEAR that of a NT (Neuro-typical). I am trying my hardest to suppress feelings, but they slip out as you might have guessed. This is also even WORSE when you combine it with Aspergers.

Anxiety. This is prime especially in this game that is SUPPOSED to be paranoia and stress-laiden. It's not enough to make it activate, but when people make me angry, this combined with the above makes it VERY ... VERY hard to suppress and control my feelings.

Depression. This isn't much of a problem, but it CAN get VERY annoying during rounds, especially if i'm not doing something and sitting around doing nothing or there's no action. You may also find me to be a "Baldie who doesn't follow orders" in-game, this is the reason.

I try NOT to reveal this shit to people, but when i'm being called a "Shit RP'er" and given "evidence" COMPLETELY out of fucking context from the round, CONSTANTLY trying to PURPOSEFULLY piss me off and get my apps denied, and people ALWAYS labelling me as "Shit RP-er" and "Salty fuck" REALLY gets to me, it pisses me off, it REALLY DOES, who wouldn't get mad over that? If you say you wouldn't, you're a flat-out liar.

Then you have people screwing with me because i'm "A little bitch who cries at everything", and that's ALWAYS fun am I right?

Top that all off with people calling me "Fucking Autist" OUT of character, and saying i'm "Always salty as fuck", you've got one angry mother-fucker. *points to self*

Then you have people on top of THAT who try to PURPOSEFULLY try to make you angry and "salt" just so that your apps and shit will ALWAYS get de-ducted points and generally fucked-over, and then be bitches to you in-game and because of the general "Band-wagon" and "Drama" that EVERYONE in SS13 follows,
i'm amazed at MYSELF for not blowing the fuck up and using coding for bad.



And yes, for those people who want to purposefully fuck me over, sure, go the fuck ahead, use this post as a "Shitler who tried to reason his shitlery", I really don't fucking care at this point, because you're the kind of people who really make me want to flat-out QUIT SS13 and make me want to LITERALLY commit suicide.



For those of you who understand, or are dealing with some of this shit yourselves, whether it be the mental or people shit. I respect you. You really need a medal if you haven't caught my attention for this long because of how WELL you disguise it, but for me, that's DEFINITELY not the case.


This is all, i'm not going to say anything like "This is why i'm such a shitler, please give me some slack and fuck off" or "Fuck you people who shit on me", which I DID just say, but honestly, this is what I want you to take from reading this post in 3 words.



Don't be hypocrites.


I guess what i'm trying to say is ... I don't know ... take this post ... do what you want with it ... I really DON'T CARE anymore.

All I really want people to do is simply fuck off, because i'm tired of this shit, and if you want to continue i'm going to leave CM and SS13, no more fun for you, go pick on someone else.

[manezinho]

This came out of nowhere.

[Feweh]

2 of the 4 things there can be solved by not being a little bitch.

Lets work on those

[mizolo]

2 of the 4 things there can be solved by not being a little bitch.

Lets work on those

I am trying, and I am trying VERY hard.

Thank you for understanding and helping me.

I try my best to contain my anger, that's WHY I made my "salt deposit" thread, and that's why I go to it when I get too angry. Yet people still shit on me because I posted in a "salt deposit" thread.

This came out of nowhere.

Yes ... yes it did ... because people don't know IRL problems of other people and immediately judge anything that is "wrong" with them. This is why I made this post.

[manezinho]

Well uh, good luck.

[nerocavalier]

Circumstances do not define you. How you deal with them does.

[solidfury7]

Words have no power unless you give them it.

Improve. Adapt. Overcome.

[mizolo]

To be honest, and less angry, I feel like ... I don't know.

I feel just ... not good enough ... because ... i'm not NT, i'm not normal, and it feels like I just have problem after problem, and I honestly ... just don't know how to fix it.

I try ... I really do try ... as hard and as penetrable as I bloody can ... and it's never good enough.

That's what I hate ... you never get the "Good enough" status ... like you need in the world and jobs. That's why I hate myself so fucking much ... because i'm never good enough ... and will never be "really" NT.

To be honest, I don't know what to say. I don't know why the fuck I made this post really, I guess I was just angry. I don't ... I don't know what to do ...


I feel like such a bitch for asking this but ... IS THERE anything I can do? I just ... I play so much, I play like 6+ hours everyday, yet ... I only seem to fuck up ... making it worse. When I DON'T fuck up ... well ... no one seems to notice.

Just ... I don't know ... what do I do? Seriously ... what do I do?

[yung bruh]

Words have no power unless you give them it.

Improve. Adapt. Overcome.

nice meme right there i applaud you i just lost my shit

Improve. Adapt. Overcome.

[Feweh]

This closed.

Tired of people expelling their self-made drama and issues onto the forums.

This isn't the place for it and frankly no one cares.
Get your shit together