The RO Line on Extended

[WinterClould]

Based on this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3KBuQHHKx0


(A PFC late joins on an Extended Round. He walks in the RO line, walking over an SSD Alpha Marine and two Cargo Techs bleeding out next to a broken powerloader.)

Late Joining PFC: (Saluting) Good Morning Sir.

The RO: Good afternoon and at ease Private. Welcome to Cargonia!

Late Joining PFC: Ah, thank you, Sir.

The RO: What can I do for you Private?

Late Joining PFC: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the prep room just now, skimming through the options in our vendors, gearing up, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

The RO: Peckish, Private?

Late Joining PFC: Esuriant.

The RO: Eh?

Late Joining PFC: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!

The RO: Ah, hungry!

Late Joining PFC: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "Some attachments will do the trick," so, I curtailed my gearing up, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some attachables!

The RO: Come again?

Late Joining PFC: I want to have some attachments.

The RO: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the fact I haven't sent down any metal all day!

Late Joining PFC: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of fucking over the squad engineers!

The RO: Sorry?

Late Joining PFC: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice prank, 'yer forced too!

The RO: So you won't report me to the MP's?

Late Joining PFC: Most certainly not! Now then, some attachments please, my good man.

The RO: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Late Joining PFC: Well, eh, how about a Rail Scopes.

The RO: I'm, afraid we're fresh out of Rail Scopes, Private.

Late Joining PFC: Oh, never mind, how are you on Barrel Chargers?

The RO: Never after breifing private, we might order some right before the shuttle gets hijacked though.

Late Joining PFC: Wait what was that? Tish tish. No matter. Well, four Red Dot Sights if you please. I'd like to try a memey Revolver loadout, my stout yeomen.

The RO: Ah! Those have beeeen on order, private, for two hours. Was expecting my CT's to grab them but I haven't seen them around.

Late Joining PFC: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, a Mini Scope?

The RO: Sorry.

Late Joining PFC: Quick Fire?

The RO: Normally, but you know those are completely useless now so we threw them all away.

Late Joining PFC: Ah... Angled Grip?

The RO: Sorry.

Late Joining PFC: Vertical Grip? Suppressor?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Any Burst Fire Adapters, per chance.

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Masterkeys?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Mini Flamer?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Mag Harness?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Skelly Stock?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Webbing?

The RO: (pause) No.

Late Joining PFC: Extended Barrel?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Shotty Stock?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: AP or Extended Mags for either the M41 or M39, maybe some incen or that new shotgun ammo?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: A machete, perhaps?

The RO: Ah! We have a single machete left yes.

Late Joining PFC: (surprised) You do! Excellent.

The RO: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit dull...

Late Joining PFC: Oh, I can make it work.

The RO: Well,.. It's very dull, actually, Private.

Late Joining PFC: No matter, no matter. Hand over the great Spartan Tool! Mmmwah!

The RO: I...think it's a bit duller than you'll like it, Private.

Late Joining PFC: I don't care how fucking dull it is. Hand it over with all speed.

The RO: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)

Late Joining PFC: What now?

The RO: The cat's stolen it.

Late Joining PFC: (pause) Has he.

The RO: Absolutely Private.

(pause)

Late Joining PFC: Gyro?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Bipod?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Laser Sight?

The RO: Nope.

Late Joining PFC: You...do *have* some attachments, don't you?

The RO: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's the RO line after all Private. We've got--

Late Joining PFC: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

The RO: Fair enough.

Late Joining PFC: Uuuuuh, Compensator?

The RO: Yes?

Late Joining PFC: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

The RO: Oh! I thought you were talking to me private. The Compensator, that's my nickname.

(pause)

Late Joining PFC: M44 Stock?

The RO: Uh, not as such.

Late Joining PFC: SMG Stock?

The RO: Not anymore private no.

(pause)

Late Joining PFC: Aah, how about a Rail Light?

The RO: Well, we don't get much call for it around here private.

Late Joining PFC: Not much ca--It's the single most popular attachment in the Corp!

The RO: Not 'round here Private.

Late Joining PFC: and what IS the most popular attachment 'round hyah?

The RO: 'he stabby bit ya stick on the end of your rifle.

Late Joining PFC: The bayonet..

The RO: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Late Joining PFC: Is it.

The RO: It's our number one best seller!

Late Joining PFC: I see. Uuh... A Bayonet then eh?

The RO: Right.

Late Joining PFC: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' I'm expecting the answer 'no'.

The RO: I'll have a look... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Late Joining PFC: It's not much of a Req Line, is it?

The RO: Finest on the ship!

Late Joining PFC: (annoyed) It's the ONLY one on the ship!

The RO: And the cleanest one at that!

Late Joining PFC: It's certainly uncontaminated by attachments....

The RO: (brightly) You haven't asked me about the UGL yet private.

Late Joining PFC: Would it be worth it?

The RO: Could be....

Late Joining PFC: Have you...

The RO: (Peak up eyes bright)

Late Joining PFC: (slowly) Have you got any UGL's?

The RO: No.

Late Joining PFC: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me

The RO: Yessir?

Late Joining PFC: Have you in fact got any attachments here at all.

The RO: Yessir.

Late Joining PFC: Now I'm going to ask you that question once more, and if you say no I'm going to have to shoot you through the head. Now, do you have any cheese at all?

(pause)

The RO: No. Not really private.

Late Joining PFC: You haven't.

The RO: Nope. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time private.

Late Joining PFC: Well I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to have to shoot you now.

The RO: Right-o Private.

The PFC takes out his gun and shoots the RO dead.

Late Joining PFC: What a senseless waste of human life. (He says as he dawns a detectives hat and Shades as he preps for the incoming bowink.)

[Hoodedhero]

Nice.

[Vampmare]

What a masterpiece, but you did put in a little too much effort to call it Acid Goop.

[Build_R_]

Perfection.

[WinterClould]

What a masterpiece, but you did put in a little too much effort to call it Acid Goop.

I post all my memes in acid goop. My other monty python meme and Fuck the MP are here somewhere as well

viewtopic.php?f=114&t=17427
viewtopic.php?f=114&t=17373

[x31stOverlord]

I was about to say this reads exactly like something I'd see in Monty Python or Blackadder. Or read in a Terry Pratchett book.

Well done. Made me exhale out my nose faster than usual.

[ghost120]

Yet another masterpiece.