Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

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Boltersam
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Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 05 Jun 2016, 06:48

Ah, good evening! Recently I came across this astonishingly perfect image of a Great Wild Baldie Marine!
Image

This inspired me to release my notes on this marvelous creature to the masses! And without further adeu.....

The Great Wild Baldie Marine is often sighted in the wilderness of planet LV-624, executing its standard solo foraging technique formally known as Ramboing. The reason these creatures Rambo instead of hunt in large packs, is because even they, with their limited brain-size, realise that in a large pack they will kill more of eachother than an enemy. However, this grants its natural predator, the Xenomorph, easy prey. The typical Baldie marine is covered in fake scars and attempts to always try to be a badass and failing miserably to impress his cohorts, which often meet up in a single location known as an FOB before going their separate ways to Rambo.

On the rare occasions that Baldies DO hunt in packs, they will always go for the glory, walk in front of their allies' firing lanes, and completely disregard helping anyone. Due to this, many a Baldie has gotten their entire squad killed, which is why they usually resort to the above Ramboing technique.

Further notes will be posted as I stalk and note the attributes of this marvelous creature. A separate thread will be made for the wild Xenomorph.

Professor Cutter, signing out.

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Rey » 05 Jun 2016, 06:51

Professor Cutter, have you been able to acquire said specimen, if so would you be willing to share with us their anatomy?
Since the first time I sighted that great shining bowling ball of a head, I always wanted to know how they operate on the inside. Thank you very much, huge fan.

Rey 'Anime' Anthers~

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 05 Jun 2016, 07:08

Rey wrote:Professor Cutter, have you been able to acquire said specimen, if so would you be willing to share with us their anatomy?
Since the first time I sighted that great shining bowling ball of a head, I always wanted to know how they operate on the inside. Thank you very much, huge fan.

Rey 'Anime' Anthers~
I've acquired several specimens over the course of my career, however in captivity the Baldie will do anything to kill itself or its captor. Failing that, it falls into a coma-like state I have named Braindead. However, this provides me bodies in excellent condition.

Despite appearances, the head is not that large to fit a brain, rather, it is that large because of the extra thickness of the skull, not found in regular humans. Upon further examination, their ears possess some sort of organic filter, so as to not hear orders.Where they most differentiate from humans, however, is within their BRAIN! It's a quite simple organ, and very compact. However, through it we can read the memories and behavioural patterns of the creature! I do not currently possess the tools to do this, but I've ordered them. They shall arrive quite soon!

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by RoswellRay » 05 Jun 2016, 07:12

Rey wrote:Professor Cutter, have you been able to acquire said specimen, if so would you be willing to share with us their anatomy?
Since the first time I sighted that great shining bowling ball of a head, I always wanted to know how they operate on the inside. Thank you very much, huge fan.

Rey 'Anime' Anthers~
If you wish to see a live exhibit of these creatures, just take a stroll down to your local brig. They almost always have atleast one on hand as many of these baldies can't function long enough to survive even a small stint on a space-faring vessal without deteriorating into madness and thus have to be taken in for their safety and the safety of those around them. If you wish, simply slip a sharp object into their cell and let nature take it's course as they take their own life in a poorly planned attempt to make their captors feel guilty.

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by MauroVega » 05 Jun 2016, 11:12

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by monkeysfist101 » 05 Jun 2016, 15:10

Professor Cutter,
I'm writing my thesis on these creatures and would like a first hand account. How would you describe their form of communication?
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 05 Jun 2016, 16:23

monkeysfist101 wrote:Professor Cutter,
I'm writing my thesis on these creatures and would like a first hand account. How would you describe their form of communication?
Sincerely,
Monkey S. Fist
Their communication is quite unique in the fact that it seems that the actual words are pointless, it is rather the meaning the Baldie is trying to forcefully combine the words with to get it through. A typical conversation will range from a few grunts to shouting "I KILLED ONE DRONE WHILE IT WAS OFF WEEDS, I AM A FUCKING BADASS", yet the point is still driven across despite the seeming lack of connection between words and meaning.

As always,
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by TeknoKot » 05 Jun 2016, 16:27

Dear Mr. Nathan Cutter,

I am here to show you footage of a baldie, they may have evolved..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ipm7IY5_zC0

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 05 Jun 2016, 16:39

TeknoKot wrote:Dear Mr. Nathan Cutter,

I am here to show you footage of a baldie, they may have evolved..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ipm7IY5_zC0

Ghost Reaper signing out.
Their intelligence level is rising. I will compile a full report to the Ministry Of Defence.

On a side note, was this baldie tranquilised and detained? I may use him for my research.

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by TeknoKot » 05 Jun 2016, 16:48

Boltersam wrote:
Their intelligence level is rising. I will compile a full report to the Ministry Of Defence.

On a side note, was this baldie tranquilised and detained? I may use him for my research.
Ghost Reaper signing in,

The baldie has managed to escape the brig as well, resulting into MP's killing him with batons several times after ten minutes of chasing in the brig, despite him being in critical condition already. The body has been spaced.

Ghost Reaper signing out.
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Derpislav » 05 Jun 2016, 17:10

Fellow researchers,

I, too, attempted observing these very unique species in their natural habitat, and I'm deeply concerned with the progress they've collectively made. Pack-based mere weeks ago, they've developed a caste society. Castes are randomly assigned at birth and symbolized through coloration. It is possible for an individual to become a member of another caste, but the complicated - from the viewpoint of a statistical Baldie - requires a specimen of brainpower many times higher than what is usually noted. These intelligent specimen are outcasts and live in isolation until their skills are required.

Basic, incomplete write-down:
Worker Baldie: lowest and most numerous caste. They possess no extraordinary characteristics, besides they exceptionally overdeveloped - even in comparison with other members of the species - skulls. They rely on other castes in every aspect, while providing the Baldie society with a "flood" based offence capabilities. They are extremely ineffective in combat, not due to their armament - which is more than enough for most tasks - but for their complete lack of co-ordination, leading to most casualties coming from in-fighting.

Warrior Baldie: only four are ever present in a society, as they're heavily taxing to upkeep - they go through resources and Worker Baldies at such a high rate, no recorded society has been able to survive the addition of a fifth Warrior. Although superficially much more dangerous and intimidating, their physiology is an exact copy of a Worker. The key to their effectiveness lies in physical warfare. They showcase their strength through violent displays of dominance, loud cries and careless expenditure of critical resources. As such, the Warrior Baldie has no natural enemy, but falls prey to any enemy to realize the ruse behind it's apparent lethality.

Hospitaler Baldie: there is no solid proof of such caste existing. A singular case of remains marked with a cross-like symbol - hence the name - has been recorded, but circumstances in which members of this presumed caste are born are a mystery. Mostly because no living specimen has been ever sighted.

Vigintirion Baldie: so named in reference to the roman Centurians and the fact their packs measure around twenty members, this caste is the lowest step in the "royal" ladder. They communicate through screams deafening to human ears, with no identifiable patte-

They are banging on my door. I have made the mistake of wearing white clothes to the field. Their rage can't be stopped. May God have mercy upon my soul.

Code: Select all

By the way, the drawing that started this entire thread is my proudest work of art. Made in Sketchtoy.
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Surrealistik » 05 Jun 2016, 17:28

You forgot to mention the God Baldie; those rare albeit existent manifestations of death who can solo a hive as survivor and end a game before the marines even get deployed.
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Monoo » 05 Jun 2016, 17:41

Dear Prof. Cutter,

I've always considered myself a baldie enthusiast. I collect baldie plushes and watch baldie documentaries on the telly. I've been curious about their much-debated use of tools - in your professional opinion, what types of tools do the common Baldies use to hunt their prey?
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 05 Jun 2016, 18:24

Derpislav wrote:Fellow researchers,

I, too, attempted observing these very unique species in their natural habitat, and I'm deeply concerned with the progress they've collectively made. Pack-based mere weeks ago, they've developed a caste society. Castes are randomly assigned at birth and symbolized through coloration. It is possible for an individual to become a member of another caste, but the complicated - from the viewpoint of a statistical Baldie - requires a specimen of brainpower many times higher than what is usually noted. These intelligent specimen are outcasts and live in isolation until their skills are required.

Basic, incomplete write-down:
Worker Baldie: lowest and most numerous caste. They possess no extraordinary characteristics, besides they exceptionally overdeveloped - even in comparison with other members of the species - skulls. They rely on other castes in every aspect, while providing the Baldie society with a "flood" based offence capabilities. They are extremely ineffective in combat, not due to their armament - which is more than enough for most tasks - but for their complete lack of co-ordination, leading to most casualties coming from in-fighting.

Warrior Baldie: only four are ever present in a society, as they're heavily taxing to upkeep - they go through resources and Worker Baldies at such a high rate, no recorded society has been able to survive the addition of a fifth Warrior. Although superficially much more dangerous and intimidating, their physiology is an exact copy of a Worker. The key to their effectiveness lies in physical warfare. They showcase their strength through violent displays of dominance, loud cries and careless expenditure of critical resources. As such, the Warrior Baldie has no natural enemy, but falls prey to any enemy to realize the ruse behind it's apparent lethality.

Hospitaler Baldie: there is no solid proof of such caste existing. A singular case of remains marked with a cross-like symbol - hence the name - has been recorded, but circumstances in which members of this presumed caste are born are a mystery. Mostly because no living specimen has been ever sighted.

Vigintirion Baldie: so named in reference to the roman Centurians and the fact their packs measure around twenty members, this caste is the lowest step in the "royal" ladder. They communicate through screams deafening to human ears, with no identifiable patte-

They are banging on my door. I have made the mistake of wearing white clothes to the field. Their rage can't be stopped. May God have mercy upon my soul.

Code: Select all

By the way, the drawing that started this entire thread is my proudest work of art. Made in Sketchtoy.
► Show Spoiler
I've sent an extraction team of hired mercenaries. Good luck, field researcher.

Fellow men and women of science, we are in a state of emergency. We must manipulate all available idiotic thugs into action, the Baldie threat has grown too great.

Above all else, we must keep them CONTAINED!

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 05 Jun 2016, 18:27

Monoo wrote:Dear Prof. Cutter,

I've always considered myself a baldie enthusiast. I collect baldie plushes and watch baldie documentaries on the telly. I've been curious about their much-debated use of tools - in your professional opinion, what types of tools do the common Baldies use to hunt their prey?
Common Baldies actually have a wide range of advanced hunting tools at their disposal, from rifles to shotguns. In the hands of a trained soldier, it would be much more effective, but Baldies are so unskilled with their own weaponry that they will often miss, hit an ally, or themselves.

The man who trains Baldies to fire accurately, will be the ruler of the Universe!

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Staff Assistant » 06 Jun 2016, 15:47

heh...
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Minijar » 07 Jun 2016, 02:29

Oh dear God they're communicating....or could it be an imposter. Surely a primitive ape couldn't speak coherent English let alone be offended.

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Rey » 11 Jun 2016, 00:16

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Azmodan412 » 11 Jun 2016, 13:45

Dear Professor Cutter and co.,

Hello fellow researchers, I have discovered something truly frightening. In response to the discoveries that the Baldies are evolving, I provide tangible evidence that they are a more serious threat than ever before witnessed. Upon one of my shifts as the ship's chief engineer, I have discovered a Baldie who has taken upon itself to garb in the mannerisms of a maintenance technician. This deeply disturbed me so I had to lock down the core chamber. If I had not done so, the Baldie would have found its way into a position where it could have done serious harm.

As a result of the lockdown, it was begging me and my two assistants to kill it so we flushed it down disposals. After sealing it within the eject chamber, it began to club itself with the mandatory crowbar all maintenance technicians must have. One of my assistants couldn't stomach what was happening so I escorted her out of Disposals and brought her a corgi puppy named Mister Wiggles. I think the Baldie's body is still within the ejection chamber.

Sincerely,
Thrift
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Boltersam » 11 Jun 2016, 13:54

Azmodan412 wrote:Dear Professor Cutter and co.,

Hello fellow researchers, I have discovered something truly frightening. In response to the discoveries that the Baldies are evolving, I provide tangible evidence that they are a more serious threat than ever before witnessed. Upon one of my shifts as the ship's chief engineer, I have discovered a Baldie who has taken upon itself to garb in the mannerisms of a maintenance technician. This deeply disturbed me so I had to lock down the core chamber. If I had not done so, the Baldie would have found its way into a position where it could have done serious harm.

As a result of the lockdown, it was begging me and my two assistants to kill it so we flushed it down disposals. After sealing it within the eject chamber, it began to club itself with the mandatory crowbar all maintenance technicians must have. One of my assistants couldn't stomach what was happening so I escorted her out of Disposals and brought her a corgi puppy named Mister Wiggles. I think the Baldie's body is still within the ejection chamber.

Sincerely,
Thrift
I shall submit this finding to the Ministry Of Defense, they should send out a galaxy-wide mandatory hair-check to weed out Baldie infiltrators, and to shoot Baldies on sight. We must gun them down, and perhaps save some specimens, for the survival of our race and others'.

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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by eyelocker » 11 Jun 2016, 14:46

Rude - Berry Baldman
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by Desolane900 » 11 Jun 2016, 18:30

mfw I stumbled across this thread Image

On a side note, does anyone feel like explaining where they found a baldie capable of leaving the upper deck of the Sulaco, let alone kill a xeno? Every baldie I have had the misfortune of viewing has barely made it past learning how to walk and talk, unable to remove their underpants for a uniform.
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Re: Notes on the Great Wild Baldie Marine

Post by eyelocker » 11 Jun 2016, 19:29

The bald invasion is going as planned, soon all marines will shine below the sun...



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