GRAND OPENING!

[Jroinc1]

GOOD EVENING, MARINES! This is Angelo Pearsall, MT, speaking to you through a one-time backdoor into the Sulaco's backbone networks! As many of you know, I'm a part-time MT, ending when the engine is set up, and beginning again whenever someone breaks anything, but...

I ALSO happen to be the FULL-TIME proprietor of The Lusty Xeno, the finest bar within 3 star systems, also the ONLY one! While the bar's availability is subject to the propensity of colonists to leave undefended booze-o-mats lying around, this sort of thing happens with distressing regularity, allowing yours truly to serve a large variety of drinks, from the non-alcoholic space-colas, doctor's delights, cafe latte's, and milkshakes, to the classics such as Black Russians, Screwdrivers, and Gin and Tonic, to the TRULY exotic cocktails such as Neurotoxin and Acid Spit (try one for a taste of the marine standard's life!)

However, recently, I've begun branching out, turning The Lusty Xeno into a PROPER bar and grill, and serving actual FOOD, instead of that reconstituted pap the vendors dispense. Sounds great, right? BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
Tired of your regular old hamburger with a malt and fries? Why not try the ALL NEW XENOBURGER!

Soon, I hope to be able to offer ON-DEMAND, SELF-SERVICE gibbing of WHATEVER strange non-human you bring up from the surface and shove into the gibber. Runner stalking you all round, but you finally got him? Why not celebrate with a DELICIOUS, ACIDIC Runnerburger? Brought down the queen in a group, after a long, hard fight? Bring'er on up, I'll plate up some juicy Queenoburgers for the whole SQUAD while you wait for medical to fix your bones! Got an alien inside you? Bring it to me once medical cuts it out, and you can have it inside you AGAIN!

Also available is XENOMEATBREAD, for when you gotta get to deployment to fight off the WHOLE HIVE, and you need something quick to go, as well as XENOPIE, for when you want a nice, filling dessert, that'll burn your insides JUST like the ingredients burned your outside!

Imagine returning to briefing once again. Those nasty xenos kicked your asses, and command wants you to turtle on the Sulaco like the cowardsPRAGMATISTS that you are. You got 5 xeno corpses. You can drag em to research, where the egghead'll look at em for a minute, then leave em, OR you could drag them up to The Lusty Xeno, get that SATISFYING feeling of gibbing that DAMMED crusher, then relax at the counter with a cold shake in your left hand, a rum and coke in your right, and before you on the table, your VERY OWN Crusherburger!

Now, before I can offer these wonderful, wonderful new additions to the menu, I have to have a way of preparing them. On my trips planetside to the Nexus FoB to scavenge food and booze SETUP CAMERAS LIKE THE CE TOLD ME TO AND NOTHING ELSE, I've seen a perfectly usable GIBBER and FOOD PROCESSOR, just begging to be liberated, but ALAS, the bolts anchoring it aren't in any of the standard sizes my wrench can undo!

If you want these delicious, intestine-burning treats, just petition the CO to stock NEW, IMPROVED wrenches that can fit those bolts, and soon we'll be dining like ki... what? He's OUTSIDE telecomms? Gotta go, folks, the CO's right outside, and he's PISSED. Just gotta hack tcomms maint, disable the tcomms interrupt without breaking all the channels, and REMEMBER! The Lusty Xeno! Now serving food! (hopefully)

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