The 10 Commandments Of ColMar [SATIRE]

[Ciancel]

After the recent update, a Squad Marine by the name of Greytide Moses ahelped with the following: "God of ColMar, please give us a set of rules to follow!"
Then the God of ColMar dropped down from the admin mumble, and gave Greytide Moses these 10 commandments.

1. Thou shalt not use AP rounds until big a$s xenos appear. Thou that use them
before that and shoot up more allies then xenos shalt have their
rifles evaporated and look upon their damage with guilt.

2. Thou shalt not turtle in the Shuttle Bay, fort it is a mortal sin.

3. Thou shalt not speak like a 1st grader, and forget what RP is.
Thou is a marine with some level of high-tier education, and not a elementary student in disguise as a marine (At least thou hopes).

4. Thou shalt never hog supplies, unless thou wants to be attacking xenos
when thou's gun runs dry. Thou shalt share and take extra for the team, if need be, which is more then likely.

5. Thou shall never, ever, EVER cause breaches. Thou shall be scorned at
if they do, and sacrificed for the ColMar God.

6. As xeno, thou shalt pick caste evolutions that assist the situation of all xenos
the most. Thou shalt ask thy queen what is the most needed. Thou shalt use logic when choosing an evolution.

7. If thou is a Commander, XO, or BO, thou shalt not be incompetent. Thou shalt
assist ground units, fulfill most of their requests, and be the good big brother.
Thou shalt use thy Overwatch consoles and keep morale up planetside.

8. Thou shalt never metagame, as this ruins people's immersion and fun.

9. Thou shall never return to the Sualco on the Rasputin or the Pod unless thou
is out of supplies, critically injured, infected, or has some other relevant
reason to come back. Thou shalt not be a coward.

10. Thou shall not be negligent or a complete imbecile. Thou has a responsibility to learn, and can make mistakes.
The first time thou is ignorant, they shall be taught, whilst the second time,
they shalt be berated to a degree. The third time is up to the ColMar God.

As the God of ColMar was going back up to the admin mumble, Greyshirt Moses asked for
another 10 commandments, and the God of ColMar sighed, yelled at
Greytide Moses, and then pumped out another 10 commandments.

11. Thou shalt never send the Rasputin or Pod irresponsibly or when it is not
needed. Thou shalt also send it when it is needed, and never let it sit there, ever.

12. As xeno, thou shalt ensure that the nested (infected) hosts are kept alive, so the
players can now play as xenos. Thou is an imbecile if thou improperly handles
or kills hosts.

13. When joining in late, thou shalt fill in non-combat/marine jobs or become a xeno.
This is a loose commandment, however, and thou shalt always check the crew manifest
before joining to confirm their choice of job.

14. If thou is one of the first xenos, thou shalt not be an imbiscile and get thyself
killed, as the numbers of the xeno are sparse.

15. Thou shalt read thy wikia, forums, or ask if they do not how to do something.
Thou may figure it out on themselves, but thy hopes thou is not incompetent, and
screws something up.

16. Thou shalt use ahelp and OOC responsibly. Thou shalt never whine or complain.
Thou knows that ColMar is a salty place, but if you drink enough water, thou should be fine.

17. Thou shalt never friendly fire, and as thus, regulate their bullets to a person
per lane. Seriously. Thou is serious.

18. Thou shalt set flavor text for their characters to immerse players more.
Thou's marine is not a skeleton of a soul. The one exception is Xenos.

19. Thou shalt bring appropriate equipment down planetside relevant to their
job. A Medic is useless without a Combat Lifesaver Bag, and a Squad Leader is nothing
without supply and orbital beacons. Every combat participant is generally
useless without armor, ammunition, weapons, and flares. Speaking of which, if
thou can send supply drops, thou should ASAP, with basic and requested items.

20. Thou shalt have fun, and never ruin anyone else's fun. Exceptions are killing
someone infected with permission, infecting someone to turn them into a xeno, and the person who's
fun thou is ruining is ruining other people's fun. Thou shalt decide what is
best for thy's situation that doesn't generally ruin other's fun unless
they get a second chance.

Then, the God of ColMar ascended into the admin mumble, and then an announcement
was made to stop people from ahelping every two seconds. Greytide Moses read these
commandments to ColMar players, but they were all dead due to friendly fire,
retreated back to the Sualco, or have become xenos. Then Greytide Moses asks
"ColMar God, when will you return with more commandments?" ColMar God thought,
and then responded: "When Ciancel can think of more commandments. Good luck!"
Then, Greytide Moses was killed by a Bolter. Damn Bolters.

[Azmodan412]

21. If thou shalt witness the passing of the elusive Unknown with a fireax, thou shalt not fire blindly at him for he shalt robust you hard.

[Mech__Warrior]

22. Thou shalt remember to charge the engine room SMES after starting thine engine. To not do so will result in an explosion the likes of which thou has never seen.

[Rey]

I was halfway through reading the first and I flipped my laptop closed.

Time to fill my belt with AP rounds and grab quickfire with burst assembly.

21. If thou shalt witness the passing of the elusive Unknown with a fireax, thou shalt not fire blindly at him for he shalt robust you hard.

But you can't robust someone when you're dead.

[Toroic]

These are great!

However, the xeno one about not killing infected hosts should probably be switched to nested hosts. Infected hosts are sometimes too dangerous to let live and too hard to secure.

[Ciancel]

These are great!

However, the xeno one about not killing infected hosts should probably be switched to nested hosts. Infected hosts are sometimes too dangerous to let live and too hard to secure.

Fixed. Thanks for the support!

[Ciancel]

After today's round,

23. Thou shalt never thwart defenses on the Sualco as a marine. However, thou shalt RP if they do it, and expect their "victims" to do the same. Thou shalt not be a imbiscile when being an imbiscile is the last thing people need.
Also, thou shalt not be salty in OOC or deadchat. ColMar is a game.

[Tristan63]

24. Thou shalt listen to thy superiors unless thy is a greytider