Jehdin Nrak'Ytara Kantra (One Guardian of Prayer)

[shyshadow]

Byond ID: shyshadow

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here): Christopher Odd

Name of the character you want whitelisted (The name your predator will use. This must match your in-game predator name): Jehdin Nrak'Ytara Kantra (One Guardian of Prayer)

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor?: I'm very familiar with the Predator Code of Honor, I've read it to be capable of remembering it without constantly needing to doubt myself.

Character background (An ADEQUATE description and story of your predators background):
Jehdin's clan was centered around the Warrior God Paya. They were considered the Guardians of Prayer, protecting temples that were created across the universe, even if they were created by other clans. His clan believed that through prayer and respect of Paya their clan would reign supreme. Believing they were blessed with not only honor but, with strong offspring, this seemed true, however one stood out. His physical abilities were slightly above average; however he was born without the anger, nor the ferocity of his fellow Young Bloods due to his "Hish" failing to work correctly, it was less developed than his fellow Young Bloods. As Jehdin grew he showed to be of a calm mind, with great patience. Though his curiosity sometimes got the better of him. Jehdin did have the faith to serve Paya and the determination to gain more honor for his clan, working vigorously and training relentlessly to prove his worth to his elders. When Jehdin had free time when he wasn't training or sparring with other Young Bloods. Jehdin would pray at the many temples dedicated to Paya, favoring one temple over the other. He would meet many accomplished hunters, seeing Retirees and Blooded Yautja. He'd often to listen to their many past hunts. His curiosity of the world beyond his own, fueled him to work more tirelessly, only taking the time to pray to Paya. Jehdin soon became one of the most well-known Young Bloods of that time however, Jehdin was not yet Blooded and that's when he shall need to make his worth. In his Rite of Passage not only for his own honor but for his clan's as well.

The Ride of Passage
Jehdin's anxiety of being able to finally begin his Rite of Passage was nearly uncontrollable, his curiosity nearly getting the better of him. This would be the day he would depart for his trial, they would enter the hunting grounds where he would be required to slay a serpent to become Blooded. Jehdin was physically prepared for this moment his entire life but was he mentally prepared for what was to come? What even made these serpents such a deadly creature that under any circumstance it would be fair game to hunt them? It hadn't mattered though, it wasn't time to doubt himself if he were to choose not to take the trial, great shame would be bestowed to his clan and himself. Jehdin shortly left his home planet making their way to the hunting grounds. The curious Young Blood roamed the halls of the vessel, the vessel not only allowed him to visit other worlds but also a beautiful piece of art. Stories inscribed on the walls of great hunters from his clan's past, it was an honor to be on this vessel. Jehdin later began to spar with the other Young Bloods, they were all worthy adversaries struggling at times to pin his opponent, sometimes he was too slow and at times he was faster. He eventually managed to pin them proving his superiority over the other Young Bloods. Some scrapes, some bruises, and some scratches, they were all sign of his struggle but in the end he was victorious. This was only of what was to come, soon Jehdin would land on a foreign planet and begin his Rite of Passage. Soon, and yet so far away.

The Rite of Passage
While inside his quarters, Jehdin prayed to Paya wishing to reign supreme against this trial. Jehdin was worried about not only himself but for the clan's honor, if he hadn't succeeded he would be a failure that showed so much promise. Jehdin would not fail. Jehdin prepared for his Rite of Passage as they came near the planet that held his future, his hunting grounds, his life. Beginning to gather their equipment from the vessel's armory, placing on his ceremonial mask and armor, while gathering his equipment he realized that he was missing something then it hit him. He forgot his clan bracer, hurrying to his quarters to retrieve his bracer as he looked at the bracer it was engraved with his clan's mark. He unsheathed the blades that hid inside it, it was so natural to him like an animalistic instinct that resided within him. The craftsmanship on the blades had such refinement, though he knew they would falter against the creature's blood. These blades had been scarred with the blood of other less worthy trophies like humans, but now it would be scarred with the blood of a serpent. Jehdin sheathed the blade, cracking his neck preparing himself for his Rite of Passage. Making his way to the pods, while doing so he notices the other Young Bloods still preparing.

Jehdin took the liberty of launching early to the hunting grounds, entering the pod he felt so secluded and alone as the metallic sliding of the pod door closed shut. It then launched and landed on the planet, hearing the faint hissing of the door as it slid out of place and revealed the dense, lush, and humid rainforest. Towering trees covering the sky from view, thick vegetation lined the ground, impairing vision. It was almost too perfect. Jehdin quickly scouted the surrounding area. Checking the floor for any tracks of what he intended to hunt. He was not fortunate enough to find any tracks. Sticking close to where he landed, shortly the rest of his fellow hunters would land. And that they did, with a crash they both appeared from their pods and the trio of Young Bloods made their way through the rainforest. Going in the treetops proceeding swiftly making their way through the jungle. Jehdin was fairly cautious at this point, he didn't know what to expect while jumping through the treetops. He heard so many stories of these "serpents" and yet he didn't know what to expect exactly, then he heard something. He heard the pitter-patter of footsteps running through the jungle floor.

Jehdin quickly derailed from the other Young Bloods, hearing another set of pitter-patter. Soon finding both sources of the noise, he saw one of the serpents. It was like an abomination to nature but a perfect creature to hunt. It seemed to be hunting for something, switching out of serpent vision to a more familiar thermal, noticing a fairly similar looking creature. Jehdin had almost mistaken it for his fellow Yautja but he was clearly mistaken, it hid around one of the trees. Soon he realized it was a human, or ooman as his people called them, checking to see if the human was armed. They were not, the human wore normal attire for their species. Their clothes torn, cuts, and bruises were clearly visible. Jehdin presumed this must’ve been one of their “colonies”. Now they are being hunted by the serpents, Jehdin kept watching as the serpent stepped slowly around continuously looking for the human eventually, death claimed the poor human's existence as the serpent eventually found them and tore them to shreds. Jehdin was confused, would it not have captured the ooman? That would mean there is no hive. Jehdin thought this was a disgraceful hunt, what chance had the human had? None. This was to be his trophy that would make him Blooded. May Paya bless me praying to Paya.

Jehdin crept up slowly on the unsuspecting serpent, continuing to gut the petty human. Its insides are torn with no remorse, and that's what he would show the serpent. From the treetops, he closed the distance to the serpent, stalking the serpent from a fairly close branch. The serpent seemed to be completely unaware of him, this was his chance, he unsheathed the blades from his bracer and lunged at the serpent from atop the branch attempting to impale the serpent. It had moved out of the way of his blades, quickly retaliating by stabbing Jehdin's right shoulder with its tail. The pain was almost unbearable but if Jehdin was not to act now he would surely die. Grabbing the serpent's tail with both of his arms, removing it from his shoulder Jehdin proceeded to swing the serpent overhead. The pain in his arm was existent as he swung the serpent, yet he pushed through it. Slamming the serpent onto the ground, placing his foot down onto the serpent's lower abdomen pulling its tail off. Struggling for a few seconds, however, his superior strength made the tail give out and it tore from the serpent, there was no way to continuously keep the serpent pinned, so he impaled the serpent with its own tail. Impaling it into the ground. As Jehdin did this the acidic blood splattered all over, a few drops landing on him but he pushed through the pain. The sizzling and hissing of the acid drowned out the constant screeching the serpent made as he cut through its neck and made the screeching stop. He took hold of his wound and began to mark his right hand with his clan's mark and his mask using the blood of the serpent engraving it into his skin and mask. He was now Blooded, he need only bring back the serpent's head. That he did.

Epilogue
Jehdin had become Blooded after an Elder accepted his trophy as legitimate. His struggle had only made him stronger, sadly in his absence of the other Young Bloods one of them had perished while hunting a serpent. But the two had become Blooded and they were both applauded for their accomplishment. They would continue to follow the Code of Honor but those who don't, they will face the wrath of One Guardian of Prayer.

How do you intend to play your predator (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your predator)?
I intend on my hunter to hunt not only for honor but for justice as well. While following the ways of Paya, he believes that anything should be treated as a fair hunt. If a group of marines was to kill a lone drone with little to no remorse, then my hunter would more than likely engage to hunt those said marines. Same goes for Xenos, if a field medic or injured marine is being harassed by a group of hunters or runners I would try and hunt those serpents or at least the eldest of the serpents. If they are alone then I would chase them down, if they retreat into their hive. Well expect you’ll die without honor.

While I understand predators aren't a balancing factor, but that's not what I intend to be. I intend to bring the honor of the hunt to all who disgrace the respect of offering a fair chance of a hunt, claiming them not only as a trophy but a sign of dignity to Paya. Often I would engage the blood hungry marine or xeno when the time is right. Not when they’re alone, not when they vulnerable. When they are in their moment of triumph, when they believe they cannot be stopped, I will strike with a passion. If they were to show mercy to one of the serpents/marines that I consider unfair game, then I would consider them a more honorable trophy.

I'll probably get more creative as I get more used to being a predator if I'm accepted of course. Typically I would only apply the meekness of an unfair kill to T1s, though if one engages 1st then, by all means they are allowed to defend themselves. While I understand this isn't a "new" way to hunt, it's more of a personality. It's clearly similar to standard but with a few more moral standards. I'll probably die from hunting like this, trying to bring the justice of the Honor Code into his hunt but for roleplay purposes it's a good way to hunt in my opinion.

Why should we whitelist you?
The old "why" question, well why should you whitelist me? Because I'm probably one of the most dedicated community members that are not only active but quite good at roleplay, a good chunk of the player base enjoys interactions with me. Even if they weren't positive or negative. The same can still apply to an antagonist role like Predator. While you may die from interactions between my character, there will often be build up, there won't be an "Are you fukin kidding me?" Moment unless you are asking for it by shooting at me with your AP Mags. Typically I'll use a plasma caster when I just don't want to be bothered with a marine that's messing with my roleplay, if you don't want to contribute to a roleplay situation then that's fine, just don't empty your burst AP Mag into me.

I believe the Predator whitelist is more about contributing to the roleplay of the round rather than yourself, considering you have to put a good chunk of effort just to have a chance at obtaining the whitelist. It doesn't mean it's about you, if were about you the whitelisted player then why are you squishy at times? You add a reason for Marines to want to actually roleplay, you're a scary spooky guy in a mask running around stabbing people and claiming them as trophies. How are you not going to want to shoot me on sight? I tell you why because you'll either end up dead if you do, or I'll torture you relentlessly for messing with my hunt until your fellow marine begins to beg for death as I slowly cut off their limbs, one by one weeping in agony. That's just something I thought off the top of my head.

I want to contribute to the Alien/Predator world experience that clearly isn't seen "that" much, while there are Xenomorphs, what about the thing the hunts them? I would like to be the hunter that will make rounds more enjoyable, considering I'll avenge that one drone that got ganked while only doing his job, or that one runner that was just scouting ahead but didn’t engage but still died. After a bit, you'll fear the karma of Paya’s Honor and the enforcer of that karma? Me.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)? No I have not.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why? From Drymouth Glutch Fallout 13: for being underage.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor? Why wouldn't it be revoked if you're a donor? Also yes I understand.

[Feweh]

Feedback?

[Eroszabi]

I enjoyed the background story, im a huge fan of The predators and i love reading the actual lore about them. Like how its the uncles that train the kids and not the father, they do not have marriage but strong males mate with alot of females. Females are stronger then the males but are rare to be hunters. Anyway i enjoyed it nd hope to see you in game soon and cant wait to try and become one of the preds aswell

[Nick123q23]

Application's pretty decent. I know Shyshadow well, he can be trusted to roleplay and not turn into a shitler.

I wouldn't mind seeing you with us, +1

[Sneakyr]

It seems you put in a fair deal of effort and the concept seems unique, but I'm not sure how your playstyle will work in practice. Speaking as a non-pred, I imagine you'll have to either adjust it so as not to affect the sides too harshly (which I fully believe you're capable of doing) or throw it out altogether.
In summary: I think the player is responsible enough for the role, playstyle may not be feasible all the time. Sure.

[Renomaki]

I'll be honest, I'm not very good with apps, let alone what a good predator story is...

I tend to focus more on playstyles, since that is more telling on a person's intent. And from what I see, you seem to be a considerate force of nature. I myself also believe in avoiding T1s because of how weak they tend to be, putting more focus on trying to find T2s and T3s because I like my prey to be able to have a good fighting chance. Won't stop me from blowing the shit out of a T1 if they try to get in the way of a fight, though.. I hate it when runners do that...

I also like how, just like me, you'd try to create some buildup with the marines before attempting to attack them. It doesn't just build atmosphere, but also gives them a moment to prepare themselves. Outright ambushing them isn't good sport I say, I like my humies to know a pred is watching, teasing them, getting them on edge... That is what fun predator RP is, not just using ROAR emotes and charging them the first chance you get.

I'll toss in my support, because other than that, this app shows a lot of passion, passion that might be useful among our ranks. Just... If you get accepted, be ready to get your ass kicked a lot.. Predators aren't as tough as you think, it is a lot more brains than brawn.

[Eroszabi]

one thing is that from what i read and been reading is that the xenos have harder time killing a pred compared to a solo marine because the marines bullets do internal damage crits on a pred and it only really take 5 good shots to kill a pred., if this is so then marines are actually harder to kill and they hardly are ever alone so fighting them with hand weapons will be hard to do since they are most likely to just shoot you. Marines i would think its oke to use all your skill to kill as its a dishonor to not go all out against your opponent.

[Boltersam]

I'll get to this, bit busy.

[Boltersam]

You started off your story strong, the religious angle being one that few people take, and can be interesting. The lack of hish was more of a footnote than anything, however, instead of being developed into a genuine facet of your predator's personality and actions later on. You established him as faithful, curious, and hardworking. And then, we take a bit of a dip. On the ship, the journey to the world where they'd be hunting, your predator spars every other Youngblood and comes out on top. The glistening oiled muscles of protagonist strength, is disturbingly present in this sequence. However, soon after we get to the main event, the middle munchy of the story, and I'll admit, it was rather disappointing. Of course, grammar mistakes, but they were minor when they did appear. What I'm talking about is the actual contents. This is the largest part of your story, and it doesn't really do anything good. It's a dead weight. The entire, what, three paragraphs? Leading up to the end didn't really showcase anything about your predator, such as the hunting style, that might have shown up ingame, or provided more flavour. And when we reach the climax, the great slaying of the mighty serpent, it comes down to a one-two wonder. Grabbing the mighty xeno with your glistening oiled muscles of protagonist strength bulging, slamming it into the ground, and impaling it with its own tail for a short death. I see that shoulder injury wouldn't interfere with that tactic at all, it is but a flesh wound! Then your predator marks himself, takes the serpent's skull, not in that order, and heads off. The Epilogue, really shouldn't have been a separate section. It's two lines. You could've put it at the end of "The Rite of Passage" and it wouldn't make a lick of difference, only it would look less like you had intended for another bunch of paragraphs but then given up and slapped on two lines.

Again, the story started well, but it petered out after the first section, and got dragged through the mud.

The playstyle is interesting. You've got your gimmick, which is making sure that humans and Xenos play nice and only murder people of the other side who are strong enough to deserve it. Granted, it'd likely be a very disruptive gimmick, but it is interesting, and unique. However, the playstyle also needs to describe how you hunt, how you lure people, how you fight them, what tools do you use in that hunt, etc.

I'll admit, haven't seen you ingame, likely due to timezone shenanigans. You seem like a good player, but you really faltered and stumbled with this app.

[shyshadow]

Thanks Bolter for the insightful review. I know and understand fully what you mean, I would have loved to developed more on my character. The problem is that it would become too long, I tried to place as much character into backstory while also retaining the summary of my Predator. It's hard to build up on how you intend to hunt into the backstory, mostly because it becomes to damn long. I wrote a backstory in my last application and it was just too damn long. It made people not want to read it.

About the whole "being protagonist", yeah I get it, but he showed promise. In his own mind, he didn't want to give up then. He probably will have permanent scarring, but in that instant. The few seconds of actually encountering the serpent, which in reality it should take. Pain was only a feeling that would cause him to falter, it was a mindset that would get him killed. He was all in all, suppose to win. Why wouldn't he? He's infact a protagonist in the backstory.

Anyway. I still think there's always room for improvement but I didn't want to add too much to my backstory you know?

[Eroszabi]

We are always the protagonist in our own stories. Your not s professional writer and people shouldn't judge you like you are one. Plus from the predator matches I seen. They don't do much anyway

[Boltersam]

Thanks Bolter for the insightful review. I know and understand fully what you mean, I would have loved to developed more on my character. The problem is that it would become too long, I tried to place as much character into backstory while also retaining the summary of my Predator. It's hard to build up on how you intend to hunt into the backstory, mostly because it becomes to damn long. I wrote a backstory in my last application and it was just too damn long. It made people not want to read it.

Anyway. I still think there's always room for improvement but I didn't want to add too much to my backstory you know?

There is no such thing as "Too long" when it comes to developing a story properly. There is no limit to how long and detailed you can make your pred app.

About the whole "being protagonist", yeah I get it, but he showed promise. In his own mind, he didn't want to give up then. He probably will have permanent scarring, but in that instant. The few seconds of actually encountering the serpent, which in reality it should take. Pain was only a feeling that would cause him to falter, it was a mindset that would get him killed. He was all in all, suppose to win. Why wouldn't he? He's infact a protagonist in the backstory.

He is indeed supposed to win. Otherwise, he would be violently murdered. Problem. That doesn't mean making him the best. You make him as good as you need him to be. Reminder, he kicked the ass of EVERY other youngblood on the ship, most of whom should be on equal or superior ground, with the minority being those who are weak or unskilled. Or both. The Yautja society is cutthroat and vicious, where might makes right so long as you follow a common code of honour. Youngbloods are going to be training as hard as they can in preparation to kill one of the most powerful foes they will ever face, and to think that all of them would be bested by another Youngblood, just like them? Either that Youngblood is a prodigy and will rise through the ranks very quickly, or all of the other Youngbloods decided to collectively throw away their lives and refuse to prepare properly for their proving trial.

My issue with the actual fight, is that you wasted three quarters of the chapter leading up to it, and it failed as a climax. You expect an epic, difficult fight for our dear hero to struggle, and fight. Not get a scratch on the shoulder and reduce his opponent to mush in, what, four? Yes, four moves. When you're trying to build up the ending, that ending needs to pay off. It felt weak, and it felt pointless. What did we gain, from, what was it? The largest chapter in your story, and we learned nothing from it. Not about your Yautja, and not about your hunting style. He may be the protagonist, but I'll be damned if he's going to win one of the most difficult trials a Yautja will likely face in their life so easily.

[Eroszabi]

Bolter has a point but many of the books, movies ,comics and all such has had the young blood go on this hunt and have a easy kill, the First AvP movie, the main predator had his first kill be supper easy. The combat could have been better yes, as for him beating the other young bloods its not that hard to believe, every sport has a best player, every team has a captain so its not so hard to think maybe he was the best young blood on the ship, but that dosent make him the god of the arena or anything because Yautja youngbloods are pretty stupid because they are show offs

[Casany]

Bolter has a point but many of the books, movies ,comics and all such has had the young blood go on this hunt and have a easy kill, the First AvP movie, the main predator had his first kill be supper easy. The combat could have been better yes, as for him beating the other young bloods its not that hard to believe, every sport has a best player, every team has a captain so its not so hard to think maybe he was the best young blood on the ship, but that dosent make him the god of the arena or anything because Yautja youngbloods are pretty stupid because they are show offs

If you actually researched the lore you woulda realized that the entire ritual unbloodeds go through is intended to weed out the weak, not just he a blow off challenge.

[Eroszabi]

If you actually researched the lore you woulda realized that the entire ritual unbloodeds go through is intended to weed out the weak, not just he a blow off challenge.

Sorry friend but I don't ever think I stated it was supposed to be easy did I? What I said was that most the time in books and movies you see them get easy kills.

[Sarah_U.]

Gave it a rather quick read, you've been around the community for a while, overall it had its up and downs like Bolter stated (As well as what Cas said), but I feel like you'll provide with a sufficient hunter and find your place amongst the others. If anything, I've rarely seen a predator not fuck-up at some point and need some adjustment, so that'll come in time and place if anything needs to be addressed.

I'll just advice you take some time to do even more researches on preds, never hurts and I always ask people to do it since it's a great way to know what predators are really about outside CM's lore, there's some minor differences after-all.

+1

[KEY]

I have the personal opinion that you seem like you really tried your best with this app, and as someone who's been a dedicated member to this community and has written a really cool backstory and personality? You deserve a +1.

You didn't falter and stumble with this app at all, you told us your honest idea of what you want to be and how you want to be it. You're not a shitler and from what I've seen from you in-game, I don't see any reason you couldn't be trusted to be on the Predator Whitelist. I understand sometimes people nitpick lore and all, but the spots you have missed are easily overshadowed by your willingness to learn and improve.

So anyways. +1. Hope it works out for you!

[shyshadow]

I appreciate your support, though. As I've said I understand my hunting style, will get me killed, but in my opinion. It doesn't matter that much, as long as people had fun. I have fun if people are having fun.
Hopefully others still look at my application, in my opinion I care about honest reviews. Regardless if they're supportive or not, I mean I did work like 2 months on this application so I guess I did put a lot of effort into this. Still don't mean it's perfect, I really appreciate any kind of criticism, advice, suggestions. Really anything, but as much as I'd like to read the comics, I'm not a fan of comics. I mean I'm pretty sure I can find actual lore from other things, but I will look at more and more lore when I got spare time.

[Sarah_U.]

Two-cent:
Dying as a predator is almost a must sometimes. When I'm playing I rarely see people not salt up for predators not fighting to the death and whatnot, so having a playstyle that gets you killed will only result in you getting better or adapting your playstyle along the way.

As I stated above, you still have my support, you've been trying at it for a while and I don't particularly think you slacked in the app or research.

PS: It strikes me now, but your name is rather lenghty. I bet you'll rarely get called by your entire name unless it's very formal ;P

[Heckenshutze]

Well, you're going to roll as a 7ft tall justice warrior aren't you? .. Still, remember predators are antagonist and you shouldn't act friendly neither to marines or xenos (specially xenos) but respectful (to the first) if they deserve such thing. This is your second attempt and the first was shot down by something that wasn't related in a direct sense with your app. I know you can RP, I've seen your rounds as CL and a few as marines. Forum activity good, seen your posts aswell. Just a small tip: Predators are mostly a high stress role since everyone will be observing waiting you just to fail, remember this:

1) All marines with guns are fair game, some exceptions apply from the honor code, yet, these exceptions have their own exceptions so pay attention to those.

2) Xenos aren't honorable nor respected foes. They're prey and you must treat them like it. Hate them, hunt them, make them fear you and hate you. All castes are fair game don't pay attention to what those salty folks say to you.

3) Yet some marines will appreciate your help there will be always some that will just shoot you on sight for the thrill of killing you and having some loot, neither marines deserve help at all but I understand you'll find a balance between helping both sides, just remember, by helping one side doesn't mean they won't try to backstab you OR treat you like a friendly (usually becoming an annoyance)

To finish: You're an antagonist, act like one. Do evil things, yet, be original doing it.

+1

[shyshadow]

-snip-

Umm, actually this is my 3rd attempt...heh, anyway. As I've said countless times, (Not trying to be rude) but I understand, more or less how things run. The only thing still relevant is balancing, while I understand Predators aren't suppose to tilt the scale too much. I'm pretty sure it will happen because killing anyone is tilting the scale in any side's favor. Still, I'd probably hunt marines more than xenos considering how boring they are. They're just there to kill with no roleplay, only like 1/100 do, and even then. There's not much to offer.

I know I'm an antagonist, not really sure exactly where me being a good guy came from...I'm honestly just hunting for (Insert Reason here, other than honor), I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I'm hunting those whom are just fucking tools and dishonorable killers. I'll prioritize those whom I feel aren't fair when it comes to their own hunt, than those whom are fair. I'll probably have to change, a lil'bit. Doubt I'll change significantly, no doubt it'll get me killed. But where's the fun in that? Death makes fun, fun is good. Wouldn't you say? Anyway, I'm really tired. Chow.

[NethIafins]

So he was born without anger, but at the same time he was trying to spar everyone in his clan?
I'm not that well versed in "Honorable Prey" concept, but won't the Drone that was unaware of Yautja be dishonorable prey until it spots him?

But that is minor. What I look for is effort and good character. It is here in full. +1 from me

[Feweh]

Accepted.

However trim your name down, its up to you on what part to keep.