Nracha Kv'var (Relentless Hunter) - Predator Application

[zoboomafoo]

I had issues with your sentence structure and comma usage. Lots of run on sentences, commas where there shouldn't have been, and no commas where there should have been. I couldn't find any super glaring grammar issues, on the other hand (if you really want me to, I can give you a breakdown on this, but I'd rather not, enough editing for one year). I also feel like this story was a tad on the short side. Yes, you were very concise, but you didn't go into enough detail. No, you don't need to go in to every gory detail that happened, and yes, I did get a sense of the overarching story and themes you were going for. It just seemed dry, I guess. Did X, did Y, made him feel like Z.

I think I've seen Garth in game like once messing around, though this is probably because I play at awkward hours and haven't played much marines in the last week.

As omicega said, as someone who is so critical of other apps, I expected more from this. In my opinion better apps have been denied.
-1

[Karmac]

I've always had troubles with commas and sentence lengths, and going back through it I get what you mean. I'm going to throw the issue of dryness and lack of detail into that same 'un-original' point Omicega made and agree with that, this approach just seemed the best for the kind of character I was trying to portray at the time. After reading through some of the worse backstories I've had a skewed perception of what is 'too snowflakey' I suppose, which is my best explanation as to why it appears so formulaic and to the point, I didn't want to get too crazy with what I was writing.

[Karmac]

I also find it amusing that because I critique other apps so heavily you've reached the conclusion that I would be capable of creating a 'superior' application, all I can say is writing and critiquing are two different subjects entirely. If people could accurately critique their own work editors would be out of a job.

I understand you're making the point of 'I expected better of you' but compared to the actual criticism you've given it just feels like a pointless jab at me.

[JennerH]

I normally don't comment on pred apps because they don't interest me, but I just don't understand why people feel like they need to mark people down for grammar and poor sentence structure. Not everyone is good at writing stories, and I doubt any of you are his English teacher. If you're going to mark him down for something, pick on the fact that he's been dewhitelisted or how he plans on playing his pred, not whether or not he spaced his sentences out properly.

+1 from me, Karmac seems plenty capable of playing this role, and considering he's a Mod I think he knows well enough when to meme and when to play serious.

[Avalanchee]

I want to see Karmac playing as a predator, you are a great mod and a like RPying with you.

Your english might not be the best but who cares, everyone with basic english knowledge WILL understand you.

+1

[Bancrose]

I personally liked the story alot. I sincerely hope you get whitelisted

+1

[NGGJamie]

Accepted

Karmac was a predator before, I'm willing to let him back in.