Very Serious Mini Stories

[Sleepy Retard]

Like Monoo, I've decided to take requests to write mini stories, albeit less serious. With a little character context and scenario, I should be able to pump out a small 2-3 paragraph piece soonish. Also I'll totally insert my OC donut steel into every story

Here's an example piece of what to expect:

► Show Spoiler

“Another day, another distress beacon,” Jools had thought aloud to himself, before introducing his forehead to the cover of the sleeper. With a groan, he pushed the cover up and quickly examined his surroundings. “Welcome home, such as it is. This squalid ship, these corrupted hallways, they are mine now, and I am bound to them,” he said to himself, in an attempt to make himself feel better about being posted onto the flying dumpster of the USCMC Fleet.

Walking through the bathroom, he gawked at himself in the mirror and gave a quick set of finger guns, admiring his beautiful PJs with Vanechka’s face plastered all over it, “My favourite jammies,” he sputtered out to himself. They were a nice pair of jammies. Striding over to his prep room, he quickly threw on his cardboard armour and plastic helmet, but kept his very comfortable jammies on because you never know when you need a power nap. Waddling over to the armoury in his new found gear, he glued a pulse rifle to his chest and set off for the Rasputin.

Getting himself loaded onto the shuttle, he buckled himself and waited for the inevitable crashing of the Rasputin from the Russian woman drinking in the cockpit. After what could be technically described as a landing, he staggered outside and stared up at the darkness. “Damn, I forgot to eat.” he groaned, as he lit his cigar and pulled out a red crayon, idly chewing on it. He nudged a woman beside him, happily eating his red crayon, “Red’s muh favourite colour, ‘cause it reminds me of my red kool-aid jammers. I like kool-aid.” he said to her, causing her to quickly run away as fast as she could.

As he continued staring, he noticed something: The Sulaco was exploding! He frantically ate the rest of his crayon and shoved the lit cigar into his mouth. Who is gonna sign his paycheck now?!?!? As the explosion gradually dissipated in orbit, fireworks were shot out from the wreckage of the once great dumpster called the Sulaco, with a voice piercing through his skull.

“We got a new ship so we nuked the Sulaco, lol. It’s called the Alamo I think. Anyways, you guys are stuck here. We’re going to mars. See ya.”

“Neat,” he thought once more to himself, questioning what to do after being trapped on LV-624.

If you don't think I've seen your character, a small description will be helpful so I can correctly potray your character in an incorrect way.

[Karmac]

As he attempts to impress a female marine by showing off his kool battel skars, he reminisces upon how he lost his eye.

[Sleepy Retard]

As he attempts to impress a female marine by showing off his kool battel skars, he reminisces upon how he lost his eye.

Garth had been trying for three months to acquire what he had called a guerffwand 2 hag me, which was unsuccessful in what was a surprise to no one. “Today is the day, Garth! I’m going to win over some ladies, I can just feel it in my bones!” he had yelled out to himself, brushing his radiant yellow teeth using just toothpaste on his fingers. Running one of his slimy hands through his greasy hair, he slicked it back and mrowled at himself. He quickly hauled ass to briefing and sat down beside one of the many snowflake women with over exaggerated hair colours. Wrapping an arm on the chair that the woman was sitting on, he grinned at her and commenced to release what he thought was an irresistible barrage of concentrated verbal sexiness. “S-so, y-you come...hehe...come...c-come here often? C-cause I c-can totally m-make you come often.” he stammered out in the direction of the lady, instinctively making her recoil and gag as his breath assaulted her nostrils. “W-wanna know how I g-g-g-got these scars? L-like when I lost my eyeball!” he continued, as the girl wiped tears from her eye as the smell slowly killed her from the inside.

“W-well, since y-you’re so curious you’re crying, I’ll let you in on what happened,” he said as he lifted up his eyepatch and placed a finger in his open socket, “I was sent on a s-s-special f-f-forces team to a distress beacon t-that was on s-some shitty wah-yuuu colony, we had landed and set out t-to locate some survivors.” He kicked his feet up on the chair in front of him, staring up at the ceiling, “Weeelll, our sarhge breached into t-the r-room with all t-the survivors and w-we found out what the problem was: They c-couldn’t open a chaammmpain bottle, is what I think it’s called anyways, and the sarhge told me to use my special wits to open it.” Laughing to himself, he wiped a tear from his eye, “Sos, I started h-hitting t-the bottle gainst the table, y-you see. Whack whack whack, thought I was so smart. After a while the c-corkscrew shot out and took my eye out! Haha! That w-was shitty.” Kicking his feet back down, he laughed loudly as two MPs showed him how a stun baton felt, again.

Locked up in the brig for another sexual assault charge, he sat there thinking before coming up with a genius idea. “I know! I’ll become a transgender, but keep the same name, and pick up all the lesbian medical doctors!” Smiling to himself, the two MPs came in again and beat him into submission for showing emotion.

[Karmac]

this is canon now.

[Nicboone]

youve seen my character yeah? go for it!

[Kerek]

A marine wakes late from cryo during an invasion. (Anyone if you like, my character is irritable impatient and brave,use your character if you like)

Seems like a decent topic to me.

[Sleepy Retard]

youve seen my character yeah? go for it!

It was just another day aboard the USCMC’s finest ship, full with slipping marines and brewing munities over the ever so important attachments. Nic was heading back up with her squad as a disgruntled marine got up and sat beside her, and began whispering to her. “Command is shit they didn’t give me a barrel charger, even after I placed an order for it. We should mutiny and install myself as the commander.” Rubbing her head after another assault on her intelligence, she simply grunted and tapped her foot. “You’re a shit SL if you don’t kill the condom and shitcurity, we would of won the fight if I had my barrel charger. You know it’s true.” She simply tailed behind the man and his fellow mutineers to the bridge as they broke in, and formed a firing line at the command staff as they returned the favour. Walking to the middle area between the two sides standing off, ready to fire at the slightest transgression, she sighed and attempted to calm both sides down.

“Look, do we really need to have a mutiny over this? We should just put the guns down, and have a talk about this. The more people alive the better, those things are still out there. We can’t risk losing any more men, you understand?” she said to both sides, in an undeniably annoyed tone. “Would you rather die for a shitty attachment, or die for the USCMC?”

The head mutineer pointed his gun at Redax, visibly angry as he tenses his grip on his shotgun.”I need my attachments! I can’t properly function without a barrel charger on my FF machine! This is a violation of my human rights and I’ll contact Wey-Yu about it! So, don’t get in the middle of this you commie fuckhead.”

Redax shook her head, “Aren’t you the commie for trying to start a mutiny?” The man lowered his weapon and scratched his head, working his special brain. “See? If we just drop the situation we can get you a barrel charger and finish off the aliens.” Both sides began to ease up, lowering their guns to the ground, as a smile crept up her face. “See, it’s all good when you Relax like Redax!” she teased to both sides.

Both sides clamoured and were enraged, “The fucking stupidest thing said by an SL, ever!” was yelled and cried out several times. Feeling a wave of regret wash over her, Redax watched as both sides raised their weapons and shot AP round after AP round into her forehead.

“Fuck.” she said, her last words before being quelled from existance for a shitty play on words. Afterwards, the mutiny was stopped as both sides were satisfied killing the Charlie SL who thought they could get away with making word plays that the average marine couldn’t understand.

[Nicboone]

10/10

[Sleepy Retard]

A marine wakes late from cryo during an invasion. (Anyone if you like, my character is irritable impatient and brave,use your character if you like)

Seems like a decent topic to me.

I'll get to writing this ASAP. Just gonna take up a post just to remind myself later on.

[Helgraf]

Jon "Houndslayer" Svarlson, a hot-headed, brave, honorable, and slightly trigger-happy marine in the nexus FOB which is being attacked by the Xenos.

[Sleepy Retard]

Jon "Houndslayer" Svarlson, a hot-headed, brave, honorable, and slightly trigger-happy marine in the nexus FOB which is being attacked by the Xenos.

Reserving a post to remind myself/let you know your request has been seen.

[Monoo]

Fucking doing this better than me

[Sleepy Retard]

Fucking doing this better than me

Don't worry, you're my inspiration. It evens out.

[Sleepy Retard]

A marine wakes late from cryo during an invasion. (Anyone if you like, my character is irritable impatient and brave,use your character if you like)

Seems like a decent topic to me.

Ryan had woken up to possibly one of the best things to ever happen to him: A full on brawl, and he didn’t even have to wait for it! Bursting out of the sleeper, still in his heart pattern boxers, he delivered a roundhouse kick straight from the gods onto an ugly lizard bastard. With all his might, he suffocated the alien in his ample beard, even if they didn’t need oxygen, letting out a loud OOH RAH, as he pulled a flamethrower out of a dying marine’s grasp “Sorry, try not dying next time. You’ll keep the flamethrower if that happens,” he said with a smirk on his face. Reaching into his beard, he pulled out his spare cigar and shoved it into his mouth, lighting it with the flamethrower he had just liberated. Walking over to the Cafe, he watched as there was a three way stand off between Iron Bears, those lizard dickheads, and his fellow marines. “Need a light?” Ryan yelled out to the closest Iron Bear, as he pointed the flamethrower in the direction of it’s ugly mug, and showed it the true meaning of freedom and democracy. Running over to the nearest table, he dived behind it and pulled up his tactical heart pattern boxers and looked for the nearest marine. “Hey, what seems to be happening right now? Space lizards, angry Russians. Did they put something in the sleepers?” The blonde woman turned him slowly, slamming green shells back into her shotgun.

“Weird lizards, angry russians, and there happens to be a distinct lack of comms. It’s pretty nice, actually. Just shoot anything that isn’t a marine, and you should be good.” Ryan nodded in acknowledgment, looking for the nearest food dispenser. Spotting one, he charged head first towards it and smashed the pizza button with his forehead. Picking up the plate of pizza, he savagely ate it, including the metal plate, as an Iron Bear drove his fist into the back of Ryan’s head. Turning around, he spat out at the Iron Bear, his mouth still full of metal plates and a bit of pizza.

“Ahey! Dwas bwety rwood! Lwok at a mhan in tuh ooyes befoor you punch umm!” The Iron Bear, of course, not understanding English threw another punch in the direction of Ryan’s face. Little did he know, he had fallen for his trick, and his fist went inside Ryan’s beard and was stuck in there. With a sly grin on his face, Ryan shoved the rest of the metal plate into his mouth and spat out again, “Yuo have akktuhvated muh twap card, skum!” He raised his fists, and rapidly pummeled the Iron Bear’s face into what was best described as mashed potatoes whilst simultaneously screaming, “ATATATATATA!”

Throwing the Iron Bear on the ground, Ryan let out a smile. Not before he slipped on the blood, and was made to be a cripple for the rest of his life. Oh well.

[Casany]

Oh, do me next!

A marine sees the CO get killed while waiting for his paycheck with carnage all around him

[Sleepy Retard]

Oh, do me next!

A marine sees the CO get killed while waiting for his paycheck with carnage all around him

I don't do minors, sorry.

Enjoy the quote to let you know I've acknowledged your request. Mind telling me who your character is?

[elantzb]

do me!

[Sleepy Retard]

do me!

Gross.

Quote to let you know your request has been seen.

[TheDonkified]

Do me. I'm Lother Jones, chemist with shiny bald head.

[David Attenbruv]

Me as well!

Corjax 'OG' Muwenya, Ghetto African-American with pink candly floss coloured Afro and Beard that's like Uncle Ruckus from Boondocks.

[Sleepy Retard]

Do me. I'm Lother Jones, chemist with shiny bald head.

Something about a chrome dome is oddly attractive. Noted.

Me as well!

Corjax 'OG' Muwenya, Ghetto African-American with pink candly floss coloured Afro and Beard that's like Uncle Ruckus from Boondocks.

I smelled your hair in game once. Noted.

[David Attenbruv]

You did and it reminded you of the carnival it were so candy flossy

[Harakoni warhawk]

You did and it reminded you of the carnival it were so candy flossy

It's hard not to when Pink Haired Afto Space Jesus is literally all that's keeping a bunch of psychos together in a tribe.

I play as Natasha Kirov, Russian Medic and occasional SL.

[Sleepy Retard]

It's hard not to when Pink Haired Afto Space Jesus is literally all that's keeping a bunch of psychos together in a tribe.

I play as Natasha Kirov, Russian Medic and occasional SL.

Noted. Assuming Natasha is a woman, the proper spelling of Kirov would be Kirova.

It's a common misconception people make, while I did it as a joke I decided to swap it and make my first name Ivan and my last name feminine.

Aka I'm triggered by the male last name

[Harakoni warhawk]

Noted. Assuming Natasha is a woman, the proper spelling of Kirov would be Kirova.

It's a common misconception people make, while I did it as a joke I decided to swap it and make my first name Ivan and my last name feminine.

Aka I'm triggered by the male last name

I wasn't actually sure if there was another version of it, I had gotten the name from reading the Kirov Saga, thought it was cool and ran with it.

Rest assured I'll change it to the proper form next time I'm on.