How CL's should deal with survivors.

[Casany]

...*Beep*....*Beep*...*Beep*...*Beep*

"Fucking hell, I'm coming, I'm coming!"
*Fwoosh*
"What the fuck do you guys want? I'm trying to work---"
"Liaison, we have a survivor from the colony.
"Oh, well. Please, escort them in."
...
...
...
"Here she is, Liaison. Command couldn't get much from her. Maybe you can get more."
"Let go of me you bru--"
"Shut up. Anyway, Liaison, radio in if you need any help. She's a feisty one."
"Will do, officer."
*Fwoosh*
"Fuck those guys. I've went through too much shit... too much, to deal with this. I thought you guy's were supposed to--"
"Please, have a seat. I need to ask you only a few questions."
"Ugh. What do you want to fucking know? Wanna know how they brutally eviscerated my entire maintenance crew? Wanna know how they overwhelmed the guards and slaughtered my family? Is that what you wanna fucking know?"
"Ma'am, I realize this has been an experience to say the least, just please remain calm. First, what is your name?"
"Linda. Linda Schaffer."
"Ah, I see here in the records that you were the chief of maintenance on this, well what can only be described as an illegal colony."
"Illegal? This was being run by W-Y! We even had a fucking Liaison, just like you! What do you mean this was fucking illegal? And if it's illegal, how do you have the goddamn records?"
"The company had no knowledge of the experiments or operations you were conducting on the planet. We assumed you were carrying out the colonization directive. This is all very illegal."
"Wha--"
"Next question. Please remain quiet"
"No, fuck you! I wanna---"
"Ma'am, I will call security. Please, remain quiet and please take a seat."
...
"OK. Next question. Were you involved in the illegal activity on this colony?"
"No. Only the W-Y researchers and the Liaison were involved. You fucks did this to us. Your company fucking killed over 400 people. Do you realize that you fucki--"
"I assume, since you were the Chief maintenance officer, that you knew this was going on."
"I knew it was happening, but what could I--"
"Great. Only one more question. Do you harbor any ill will towards W-Y or any subsidiary companies?"
"Yeah. And once I get off this goddamn ship I'm suing all you fucks. I'm releasing the documents I managed to gather. You're all going fucking down. You, and your company, their sick sick freaks."
"Ma'am, lets not get extreme here."
"Fuck you. I'll get as extreme as I fucking want. I don't know who's worse, those creatures or y--"
*Fwip*
"Is-Is that a gun? Are you fucking threatening me? I'll be sure to add this to the fucking rep--"
*Bang*
...
...
"MP's, this is Liaison Johnson. The survivor attempted to attack me whilst I was questioning her. I was forced to draw my weapon and fire. I need the medical team over and an cleaning crew over. The door will be open. I'll be in my office if I'm needed again."
...
...
...

[Casany]

Just a writing exercise I did. Practicing with dialogue and such.

[GenericUsername]

I'm sure that I had about three or so interviews with survivors that carried on like that

[Weaselburg]

...*Beep*....*Beep*...*Beep*...*Beep*

"Fucking hell, I'm coming, I'm coming!"
*Fwoosh*
"What the fuck do you guys want? I'm trying to work---"
"Liaison, we have a survivor from the colony.
"Oh, well. Please, escort them in."
...
...
...
"Here she is, Liaison. Command couldn't get much from her. Maybe you can get more."
"Let go of me you bru--"
"Shut up. Anyway, Liaison, radio in if you need any help. She's a feisty one."
"Will do, officer."
*Fwoosh*
"Fuck those guys. I've went through too much shit... too much, to deal with this. I thought you guy's were supposed to--"
"Please, have a seat. I need to ask you only a few questions."
"Ugh. What do you want to fucking know? Wanna know how they brutally eviscerated my entire maintenance crew? Wanna know how they overwhelmed the guards and slaughtered my family? Is that what you wanna fucking know?"
"Ma'am, I realize this has been an experience to say the least, just please remain calm. First, what is your name?"
"Linda. Linda Schaffer."
"Ah, I see here in the records that you were the chief of maintenance on this, well what can only be described as an illegal colony."
"Illegal? This was being run by W-Y! We even had a fucking Liaison, just like you! What do you mean this was fucking illegal? And if it's illegal, how do you have the goddamn records?"
"The company had no knowledge of the experiments or operations you were conducting on the planet. We assumed you were carrying out the colonization directive. This is all very illegal."
"Wha--"
"Next question. Please remain quiet"
"No, fuck you! I wanna---"
"Ma'am, I will call security. Please, remain quiet and please take a seat."
...
"OK. Next question. Were you involved in the illegal activity on this colony?"
"No. Only the W-Y researchers and the Liaison were involved. You fucks did this to us. Your company fucking killed over 400 people. Do you realize that you fucki--"
"I assume, since you were the Chief maintenance officer, that you knew this was going on."
"I knew it was happening, but what could I--"
"Great. Only one more question. Do you harbor any ill will towards W-Y or any subsidiary companies?"
"Yeah. And once I get off this goddamn ship I'm suing all you fucks. I'm releasing the documents I managed to gather. You're all going fucking down. You, and your company, their sick sick freaks."
"Ma'am, lets not get extreme here."
"Fuck you. I'll get as extreme as I fucking want. I don't know who's worse, those creatures or y--"
*Fwip*
"Is-Is that a gun? Are you fucking threatening me? I'll be sure to add this to the fucking rep--"
*Bang*
...
...
"MP's, this is Liaison Johnson. The survivor attempted to attack me whilst I was questioning her. I was forced to draw my weapon and fire. I need the medical team over and an cleaning crew over. The door will be open. I'll be in my office if I'm needed again."
...
...
...

You wouldn't kill them. You would get adminbwoinked and banhammered the ninth circle of hell and back.

[Heera-o]

You start pulling out the files on all the debts the survivor owes, then the ones her parents and kids owe, then the ones for aunts, uncles, etc. Sure would be a shame if the debts were called due and your family had to go to a labor camp to work them off. Maybe ones with the nice xenos in it?

[NGGJamie]

Just to give a bit of feedback for your dialogue; overall the speech itself is done well for what it is. In an actual story, I would recommend putting in no more than about three F-bombs at maximum for a story this size, as the survivor says them in excess. The best methods to use swearing to build a character, as seen here, is to use them more sparingly, and use less severe swears more often than big ones. When used too much, your character stops sounding natural and begins to sound more comical, or overly hysterical to be a believable person.


Since this is an exercise and not an actual story, the dialogue sounding somewhat expository is expected. However, in a broader story, it could go without saying that this should be re-tooled around expositing narration, or tuning the speech to come across more naturally so that the characters aren't explaining data that the other should know. This could be subverted by the specific mention of a recording taking place, where information each character should already know is exposited between them for the sake of integrity for an in-universe listener.

Overall, with regard taken for the medium this is presented in, this is done pretty well and could be fit into a larger narrative fairly easily. I wish you luck in your future writing endeavors and hope you continue polishing your skills.

[Casany]

Just to give a bit of feedback for your dialogue; overall the speech itself is done well for what it is. In an actual story, I would recommend putting in no more than about three F-bombs at maximum for a story this size, as the survivor says them in excess. The best methods to use swearing to build a character, as seen here, is to use them more sparingly, and use less severe swears more often than big ones. When used too much, your character stops sounding natural and begins to sound more comical, or overly hysterical to be a believable person.


Since this is an exercise and not an actual story, the dialogue sounding somewhat expository is expected. However, in a broader story, it could go without saying that this should be re-tooled around expositing narration, or tuning the speech to come across more naturally so that the characters aren't explaining data that the other should know. This could be subverted by the specific mention of a recording taking place, where information each character should already know is exposited between them for the sake of integrity for an in-universe listener.

Overall, with regard taken for the medium this is presented in, this is done pretty well and could be fit into a larger narrative fairly easily. I wish you luck in your future writing endeavors and hope you continue polishing your skills.

Gratze

I’ve been trying for a while to improve my writing. Thanks for the constructive critique!

[x31stOverlord]

BWOINK

Hey there. Could you tell me why exactly you gunned down the survivor.

[AmazinglyAmazing]

BWOINK

Hey there. Could you tell me why exactly you gunned down the survivor.

Uh... HIGH RP..?

Yeah. High RP.