Stupid marine stories

[Sidriel]

What was a time you believed your comrades have an IQ lower than 60?

[Sidriel]

I'll start. After a marine recieved a buckshot to the chest, the aliens began to slash his limbs off and destroy his body. I managed to deter them away and pulled the marine aside for medical treatment. He was knocked out cold from the pain, so he was pretty easy to treat. After I gave him painkillers, he got up and began to walk towards the battlefield.

The thing is that he had broken ribs, torn lungs, skull fractures, a missing arm, and a missing foot. He insisted he was alright and continued to limp towards the front lines. I eventually had to knock his sorry ass out and roller bed him to the medbay for treatment.

[Crab_Spider]

There was a time Xur said "they're not insects, insects don't have 2 legs,asshole, they're lizards."

"Don't use acid! It'll make them stronger" I was using polycintric acid.

"They have tails, so they're lizards you fucking retard." Some random Marine, I didn't know which was more mind numbing; the fact he went with the trend of calling xenos lizards, or the fact he doesn't know what a scorpion is

"Why can't I hack this door? It's just me cutting wires." This was an MP, and hacking venders is just cutting wires, hacking doors with a multi tool is a completely separate matter, which involves KNOWING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

"Stop killing them! They're an endangered species." The guy fucking killed 2 people and shot me with 2 slugs, the kicker? He was using slugs. My problem? The doctors were so mind numbingly stupid, they decided to kill me, and then clone me, because they thought it was most responsible and easier.

[Sidriel]

The doctors were so mind numbingly stupid, they decided to kill me, and then clone me, because they thought it was most responsible and easier.

Pretty sure that breaks some ethics laws...

[Crab_Spider]

Pretty sure that breaks some ethics laws...

It does. Cloning was a real shitfest and back then, doctors would sometimes just leave wounded and dying out in the hallway because it was too hard to do surgery.

Cloning was something that should have been restricted, or required an assload of materials and cause an assload of problems, like a lack of organs or even cause power outtages (blown out light tubes), when these doctors just left me to die, I began to question one thing... why would a military have cloners?

[Renomaki]

I remember being a BO for a Bravo SL some time ago. He seemed like an ok, if average, leader at first if I recall.. Then during the battle of the Barrens, he suddenly turns into a bloodthirsty idiot, ramboing all over the place and completely disregarding his squad and ignoring me as he ran after aliens. At one point, he tried to fight off a queen and I think another large alien.. In a bottleneck.. Pretty much by himself.. It didn't turn out very well for him.

Some marines are total pansies, but then there are the marines that lack any kind of self-preservation and just mindlessly run into deaths they could have easily avoided if they used their brain. Moreso, this was an SL, who shoulda known better.. Total numbnut he was.. I think we still won that round though, thanks for Bravo's Spec taking charge and doing a better job than his own NCO.

[Crab_Spider]

I remember being a BO for a Bravo SL some time ago. He seemed like an ok, if average, leader at first if I recall.. Then during the battle of the Barrens, he suddenly turns into a bloodthirsty idiot, ramboing all over the place and completely disregarding his squad and ignoring me as he ran after aliens. At one point, he tried to fight off a queen and I think another large alien.. In a bottleneck.. Pretty much by himself.. It didn't turn out very well for him.

Some marines are total pansies, but then there are the marines that lack any kind of self-preservation and just mindlessly run into deaths they could have easily avoided if they used their brain. Moreso, this was an SL, who shoulda known better.. Total numbnut he was.. I think we still won that round though, thanks for Bravo's Spec taking charge and doing a better job than his own NCO.

That was me...

[TopHatPenguin]

A while back during a round effectively Wooki tripped on his own shotgun and stabbed himself in the chest breaking his ribs and causing internal bleeding. Clearing weeds can be dangerous kiddos.

[Renomaki]

A while back during a round effectively Wooki tripped on his own shotgun and stabbed himself in the chest breaking his ribs and causing internal bleeding. Clearing weeds can be dangerous kiddos.

That reminds me of the time during WO where I misclicked with a shotgun and instead of pointblanking a xeno, I pointblanked myself and died.

memories...

[RedsPro]

Alright story time motherfuckers,

Bravo Squad. Dead of night. Low pop. Here we are on ice colony, my standing orders as the Bravo spec and current in command is to Hold Engie at all costs. Done. Defenses are so fucking minimal with my four man squad we couldn't even watch tho whole line. Thats when two alphas stumbled into our camp. "Theyre all dead" Whos dead mate what the fuck are you on about? "Alpha... Its just us" Well fuck guess what comes after A. Thats right fucking B. "GET READY FOR CONTACT CUNTS" Some of my men stumble onto the line the others keep fucking off just like low pop dose. You could cut the tension with a fucking boot knife. Then scouts. Smaller Xenos mostly runners would tag our line and fall back. I knew what was coming. A complete and uder shit show. The only thing i could do was clench and prep my SADAR. Then it starts. Alpha guys get nabbed real quick. Hugged and dragged off the line, No chance of getting help, Charlies wiped and were next. After some hesitation on the Xeno side about just crushing us in one fell swoop a crusher must have been like "Well fuck this shit lets wipe these three cunts out" charges right in. I can obviously see the future and missing my only M39 i got my trusty sidearm and blasted a hole in the window and fucking ran. Ran like a little pansy. They had Engie surrounded and i got out. I don't know how. But i got lucky and sneaked thru their line. Running. An empty SADAR. no squad members, and running. While my squad was getting torn apart i got to LZ1 and i got out. Safe. The sully will keep me safe at least until we get shit fucked by invading Xenos. Whatever a WP SADAR Round could keep invading Xenos at bay until Pods refuel. Marine Minor is possible at least while im alive. I can save the Marines. I can get our Low pop shit show together and make something out of my last round tonight. I can fucking do this. and here they come. alright ill watch the East side of the hangar. What a shock didnt land at the hangar. Brig is fucked. time to get to the fucking Brief room. There we go. Alright SADARS out. just gotta ask this fucking Boot to get out of my way so i can SADAR this fucking Rav. HES DRAGGING A RUNNER! TWO FOR ONE! PERFECT! The marine shoots me in the back six times with AP rounds and i bleed out.