Shitcurity

[Crab_Spider]

It appears my unorthodox methods of doing MP work have become a meme. So I'll give the tales of some of the shit I did...

One time the spring break, when we still had the USS sulaco, I was noticing the lack of competent doctors. Some would say OOC shit in IC, others would say "it's too hard!" and leave mid surgery. Staff couldn't enforce being competent and the pro docs weren't around. What was I to do? I did the ballsiest thing I could ever think of. I grabbed my taser, went into the Operating Room #2 and aimed my taser at the grey shirt performing surgery, and said "Don't fucking move from that table or I beat will beat you to death." Fortunately, this little shit didn't know how to ahelp, but he eventually tried to use fixovein on a broken bone, and with his stupidity, insisted that you have to fix the skull or else the larvae will cause brain damage. So I razed him, pulled out the Old Law, and beat him with it until it ran out of juice. Then I proceeded to switch to my reserve stunbaton and beat him with that too. The Marines lost that round and I was lynched.

[Renomaki]

What were you thinking at the time when you done that?

At the very least, you could have had him arrested for incompetence and demoted, excessive force for being an idiot isn't really in the lawbook.

[David Attenbruv]

MP's in a nutshell:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Davn72GNlfI

[Crab_Spider]

What were you thinking at the time when you done that?

At the very least, you could have had him arrested for incompetence and demoted, excessive force for being an idiot isn't really in the lawbook.

I was very tired, I was stupid, and off my meds. It's as funny as that post I made about being able to remove shit from your chest like flashlights. But yeah, I wanted to make sure he'd stay there and provide the surgery for the patient.

[shyshadow]

MP's in a nutshell:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Davn72GNlfI

Just need someone to edit in a Baldie's face onto the cops and it's 100% accurate.

[Mister Jeether]

Let's be honest guys, we were all baldies one day baldies are cancerous.

[Crab_Spider]

Let's be honest guys, we were all baldies one day baldies are cancerous.

I know but I just love being a shitcurity officer (that is until the staff give me a warning and then I'll stop)

[Mister Jeether]

I know but I just love being a shitcurity officer (that is until the staff give me a warning and then I'll stop)

You probably already arrested me and i started screaming in LOOC, with the salt flowing through me.

[David Attenbruv]

You probably already arrested me and i started screaming in LOOC, with the salt flowing through me.

Unleash the salt of war.

[Mister Jeether]

Unleash the salt of war.

You asked for it!

REEEEEEEE!!!! I'M SALTY,YOU ARRESTED ME YOU SHOULD BE BANNED FOR ERP,BECAUSE HOW UNROBUST YOU AREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I HATE U ALL CUZ YOU INCOMPETENT CAVEMEN THAT USE AP ON HEEEADDD, UNROBUST SHITTY MPS SHOULD BE PERMA BANNED ALONG WITH ***TS IN COMMAAAANANNND!!! AND ALIENS WIUTH CORNERESPITING SHPOULD RECEIVE A JOBN'' BA'N CUZ THIS IS RU'HJDROBUSTNESS THEY M''USAAHAT DIIIEEE!!!

I believe that's all.

[David Attenbruv]

You asked for it!

REEEEEEEE!!!! I'M SALTY,YOU ARRESTED ME YOU SHOULD BE BANNED FOR ERP,BECAUSE HOW UNROBUST YOU AREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I HATE U ALL CUZ YOU INCOMPETENT CAVEMEN THAT USE AP ON HEEEADDD, UNROBUST SHITTY MPS SHOULD BE PERMA BANNED ALONG WITH ***TS IN COMMAAAANANNND!!! AND ALIENS WIUTH CORNERESPITING SHPOULD RECEIVE A JOBN'' BA'N CUZ THIS IS RU'HJDROBUSTNESS THEY M''USAAHAT DIIIEEE!!!

I believe that's all.

Autistic screeching intensified!!!!111!!!

[Swagile]

Weaponized fucking autism, I tell ya.

[4thsurviver]

Being MP is fun no matter how many warnings I give or chances to walk away people would rather force the issue and get arrested and get pissed that they got arrested. One time I arrested a marine for stabbing another marine because they sprayed them with space cleaner. It was round start so I was going to be forgiving and let it slide if they just ignored each other and deployed. The stabbing victim was fine with this but the guy who did the stabbing wanted justice for being sprayed with space cleaner and forced the issue. He stabbed him again right in front of me and tried to claim self defense as I arrested him. He complained in LOOC too as I brigged him and then went SSD.

That was the moment I realized there is no place idealism in the MPs and you'll always be considered shitcurity and might as well just roll with it.

[SagaSword]

Shitcurity ain't dat bad. I once had a man arrested for excessively knocking on the window. I wasn't the one who arrested him doe, i just gave him a friendly shove then he started running behind me until another MP saw it and then *Pew-Pew* "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ASSAULTING A FELLOW OFFICER". I laughed my ass off all the day.

[Kavrick]

Honestly MPs are looking for a fight and i dont blame them, they have nothing to do, but the majority of the time its probably your fault you got arrested, in my time in CM ive been arrested a grand total of one time, and that was freemysouls fault

[Crab_Spider]

SO yesterday, I was WO. As always, pretty good right? No. ALl round, I had to deal with stupidity on a such I high level, almost none of my orders were listened to. The worst part? The MPs had me cuffed and literally did NOTHING as William Hawk ran up to me with a MACHETE 2 TIMES on 2 SEPARATE occasions and stabbed me! THEY DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! It got so bad APOPHIS had to barge in and chew the idiots out on how stupid they were being, in fact, most of what I did that round was legal, and I was arrested ONCE for SAYING I CANT BE SOBER FOR THE SHIFT. The shit people smoke these days.

[Slacker]

So one time I was ordered to arrest a pilot because he was helping an evading marine escape the commander's wraith for punching him or something. Literally it was a wild goose chase as I was told I can go to the planet on the ship, but I couldn't leave the ship. SO, the pilot just walked around with his new marine buddy for the rest of the match. Reminder, this is back on the Sulaco, wana know whats the worst part is? The one time I did catch him on his bird, I was handcuffing him. But, the marines on the ship thinking I went rouge or crazy, shoved me off and held me off until the pilot escaped to the planet.

[Kavrick]

Nearly every post you make makes me dislike you more and more

[Crab_Spider]

Nearly every post you make makes me dislike you more and more

You'd probably loathe me after I tell about that time I had one of my subordinates stun prodded in front of me for lying about a dish he was making called "tazy catchy" (he was talking about a game of a tazer tag, but I caught him and he tried to cover it up), so if he was lying at all (I knew from the beginning) I'd have him beaten, and so he does the most ballsy thing I've seen anyone do. He brings an MRE crate to the canteen, with, I shit you not, MREs labeled "Tazy Catchy", takes out a flamethrower , and roasts the MREs. It was funny the first 5 seconds, then it was a shitshow.

Alex Nebek, I apologize for that instance. I hoped it would be HELP intent batoning, but those MPs took this as an excuse and cover to grief. I should have shelled that situation, but then again, you seemed to have enjoyed it as did everyone else. If not, I am terribly sorry for those courses of event and will reconsider my actions.

[Kavrick]

Just going to remind you of the time i outsmarted you as a CMO

[Crab_Spider]

Just going to remind you of the time i outsmarted you as a CMO

How so?

[Kavrick]

you came to medbay to pick a fight with me, you told me to catch your baton so i dragged it away and you couldn't find it

[Aeleto]

Being shitcurity intentionally instead of doing a good job is sincerely one of the worst things you could do since security 99% of the time doesn't read the lawbook or have any sort of common sense.

[Slacker]

Being shitcurity intentionally instead of doing a good job is sincerely one of the worst things you could do since security 99% of the time doesn't read the lawbook or have any sort of common sense.

I wish this statement didn't have so much truth to it.

But, to add on top of it. At times there isn't even security.

Ill leave it up to you if you think that's good or bad.

[Symbiosis]

Being shitcurity intentionally instead of doing a good job is sincerely one of the worst things you could do since security 99% of the time doesn't read the lawbook or have any sort of common sense.

Can confirm. Was arrested (first time ever) and invoked the law that allows the XO/CO to hear my case. Was given 20 mins and the MP's ignored my request therefore violating Marine Law/Prisoner Rights. Not worth the escalation to forums, but made me more willing to consider the plight of other "criminals".

I want the book thrown at the derps that riot over attachments and meme Carson when he's Commander...