How not to doctor - true story

[ThePiachu]

Yesterday I witnessed probably the worse round in medbay so far. I know it might not compare to some other war stories, but it's still a good amalgam of what not to do.

So I tried joining the round perhaps 20 minutes in, explicitly wanted to play as a doctor, but to my surprise there were no slots available. I saw someone was inactive in the crew manifest, so I decided to wait. Got in about 30-40 minutes in.

The map is LV, so there were no wounded marines. With like 6 doctors and 2 researchers, people were obviously bored. Researcher decided to eat a monkey cube, and we had to cut that chestburster out of him. Other doctors were chasing one another around the medbay, putting a candle up, tossing some beaker of ethanol around and so on. Good start to shenanigans...

Eventually the researcher OD'd on something and we had to patch him up. The CMO decided to peace out, got undressed and went into cryo.

Then first patients began showing up. I drag someone into the operating room and to my surprise, half of the utensils are on the floor. I'm ready to punch someone through the comms, but whatever, surgery needs doing. Patch a marine up, but he's got some brute damage on him. Easy enough, I'll stick him in our cryo to fix him up... Why doesn't the cryo have any Cryoxadone? In fact, where is all of the Cryoxadone?! It's a mystery I will never discover...

Another wave of lull, I decide to go play with chemistry. Sure enough, I find a solid cube of phoron waiting to be ground up. Looks like nobody touched this room the whole round...

Another patient comes in, squad leader. A tonne of brute damage to his eyes. Well I figure, time for some new eyes. I drag him to the table, I punch in an order for new eyes and... why is there no metal to make those eyes? What happened to all of the metal?!

Things started to spiral down from there. Eventually I think half of the doctors went SSD or missing, as we had the bodies in the medbay start to pile up. It event went so far as to someone dying in the scanner because someone forgot to fetch them out.

By that point, I decided to peace out and go to cryo myself - it was getting busy. I ultimately don't know the fate of that round, but I can only expect the medbay fucked everything up. This is, my friends, an example of how NOT to doctor...

Is an amalgam of incompetence like this worthy of pinging admins?

So, what are some of your horror stories of medbay fucking up big time?

[Lyiat]

I have lost count at this point of how many times I've gone up to the Almayer with a shattered chest, taking massive amounts of oxy damage, just for them to fix the bones and tell me 'I'm fine'. My lungs are very clearly damaged, I'm entering pain crit before I can even walk to the Alamo, and I'm constantly taking oxy damage, but I'm 'fine' and I need to 'stop complaining to get drugs'.

[Lukey111]

When someone takes the person your working on. This means WAR

[TheRedMenace]

Amount of doctors quite literally ganging up on one crit marine?---------- Through the roof.
Amount of bald surgeons? ------------------------------------------------------ Quite low to be honest.
Amount of dead people coming from CAS? ----------------------------------- Staggering.
Amount of dead people with insane ODs? ------------------------------------ Way too much.
Amount of smartass CMOs thinking that doctors are his minions? -------- Fifty/fifty.
Amount of medics asking for drugs? ------------------------------------------ Almost non-existent most of time

[CSolaris]

Sometimes I feel that the CMO and doctor roles should be whitelist roles, but that would greatly decrease the amount of doctors we get per round. Same could be said for medics, you should at least have to take a crash course on how to treat someone on the field - general common sense things like not taking someone else’s patient and definitely not giving pills to a patient that isn’t yours.

[Loco52]

Whitelisting for doctors nuh, whitelist for CMO could exist if you gave CMO some special role rather than tell doctors to prepare IVs

[CSolaris]

That’s the thing though, us CMOs are just glorified doctors. We have no real RP other than the occasional “can I have a prescription for x?” or “studying” Xeno corpses if you’re a researcher. It’s a pretty drab role if you ask me, despite having the satisfaction knowing you’re more or less what decides whether marines live or die.

[ThePiachu]

Well, I'd say I would like to see "entry level" jobs for things like doctors. A gateway between being a baldie and a real doctor. You'd limit it to say, 1-2 per round, and after they'd have learned the ropes they'd be promoted to being a real doctor. This way the doctors would know they are dealing with someone new and could tech them, rather than letting the medbay be overrun by baldies.

Other than that it would be good to see some "meta" develop on how to play roles efficiently. Some knowledge that would be passed down in an article form for people to study. Hopefully this would permeate through enough people so that you'd at least have one or two competent people around most of the times...

[Dolth]

Once been stuck from 13:00 to 15:20 in medbay.

Basiclly a mix of being forgotten in stasis for a while, then discovered and eventually died because of it, got defibbed then shoved in cryo, died in cryo, got out to be revived then shoved in a statis bag, got forgotten again.
Another doctor get me out lotta minutes later, died again, revived and somehow survived. Got thrown in surgery and after EACH LIMB HE FIXED, he KEPT pulling me to scanner with probably an open wound, or an infection because I slowly drifted again in crit. I probably healed up at some point but that's when I logged off. When I logged back in (probably an hour later), time was around 15:20 and I was being stripped from mask and anesthesic tank.

Happened a couple of months ago already.

[Weaselburg]

Is a marine, choking to death: ¨Fuck off I need to fix the SLs fresh skin¨

[CSolaris]

Is a marine, choking to death: ¨Fuck off I need to fix the SLs fresh skin¨

I think that’s only in your case, weasel.

[misto]

medbay staff absence is one of the various silent killers that are commonly overlooked in favor of theorizing about flashy stuff like weapons and armor

[Rohesie]

Another patient comes in, squad leader. A tonne of brute damage to his eyes. Well I figure, time for some new eyes. I drag him to the table, I punch in an order for new eyes and... why is there no metal to make those eyes? What happened to all of the metal?!

If the eye damage is not huge, like over a hundred, you can simply give them imidazoline, which you can cook in chemistry in no time.

If the eye damage is indeed huge, you can just do the eye repair surgery.

There is no real need to give them synthetic eyes.

[taketheshot56]

I remember on a low pop round a while back this doctor was the only doctor and he ODed EVERYONE on tricord, seriously about 40 ppl lay dead in medbay with 300u tricrod before the staff caught on.

[Weaselburg]

I think that’s only in your case, weasel.

No, squad medic have done stuff like this before.

[CSolaris]

No, squad medic have done stuff like this before.

There’s only like 3 or 4 medics I have full faith in, but yeah, that seems valid haha.

[Aliannera]

I had a doctor once who stood around the autodoc, only using it and refusing to do surgeries. While standing knee deep in the wounded. And there were open ORs.

Just one of those days.

[Aestel]

I had a doctor once who stood around the autodoc, only using it and refusing to do surgeries. While standing knee deep in the wounded. And there were open ORs.

Just one of those days.

Could always be worse... HE could have been doing it on automatic instead of manual.... *shudder*

[DefinitelyAlone0309]

When I was a bald doctor, I forgot to turn on internals twice, and I didn't know how to fix organ damage, even though I know it's there.

[xXen0zS1ay3rXx]

One solution to medbay is just to git gud and not ever need it.

[Loco52]

Funny thing this round I take my MP partner to CIC after xenos come aboard

- Yo, patch up my friend
- Get me some anesthetics
- JUST PATCH HIM UP
- Got painkillers?

FUCKING DOCTOR ASKED ME IF I HAD PAINKILLERS, REALLY? Told him to fuck off and left

[SwirlyKins]

My favorite doctors are the ones that drag a patient to you and tell you to treat him.

Everyone's got to start somewhere though, oh well.

[Dolth]

Does Synth eyes take damages from unmasked welding?
Also, just do common eye repair or imi. That's way faster/proper.

[Royal Griffon]

I was an MP during this round...I tell you we at the MP corps didn't believe you guys when you said the researcher ATE the monkey cube, and I walked into medbay around the end of the round and I thought it was the morgue.
So many dead, we lost that round by the way, nobody was alive well enough to do anything

[Royal Griffon]

Also don't go to medbay EVER if Charlotte something I believe is in there...she scares me...like she once performed surgery on me while OD'ing me on painkillers...I was so confused I just laid there screaming
However was the quickest surgery I've had, or one of