Captains Synthetic Application.

[Captain_25]

Byond ID: The_Captain25

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here): Arturo North

Name/Designation of the Synth Character you’re requesting to use (Follows common naming rules, and requires a first name with no last name): George
Examples of acceptable names: James, Mason, Xavier, Felix, Otto, Allan, Jessica
Examples of unacceptable names: Obama, Jesus, King, Dragon, Godly, Snyper, Circuits

Are you familiar with the Synthetic Programming and Guidelines (viewtopic.php?f=57&t=14417)? Yes I enjoyed it very much, it was a good learning experience.

Synthetic Character Story (An ADEQUATE description and story of your Synthetics actions and involvement in a previous mission onboard the Almayer): George was put into action, when an on board fire went out of control, along with a malfunctioning extinguishing system. George walked calmly through the danger, picked up a scientist in each arm. He began walking to med bay where the CMO ordered him to perform life saving duties. George was able to save the lives of the crew he is to protect. George enjoys making a healthy stable and clean environment but does not mind getting his synthetic hands dirty in the engine room or performing life saving tasks for his medical team.

How do you intend to play your Synth (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your Synth and what support roles you’ll mainly focus on, what is your synthetics quirk)? Primary | Prioritize SHIP crew if they are in danger. Secondary | Assist in any low staffed department and get permission from the head of department to do so. Tertiary | I will assist in medical bay when all other roles are fulfilled and provide medical assistance at the approval of the CMO.

How familiar are you with support roles? (ie; Medical, MT, Science, SO)I am very skilled in medical emergency's. I can run engineering if needed, Science is the only role I am not great at, but have the basics.

Why should we whitelist you? I would like to play the role of a synthetic, I love this kind of stuff, I only wish down the line maybe you would give synthetics the ability to use firearms (never seen them use rifles or sadars and such, but I have seen them use pistols and shotguns even using a shotgun with one arm and cocking it with one arm because his other arm got torn off by a xeno.)

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)? No

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why? No

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or the Synthetic Programming Guideline? Yes, I have been reading the marine laws a lot to keep up to date.

[zergrush]

Byond ID: The_Captain25

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here): Arturo North

Name/Designation of the Synth Character you’re requesting to use (Follows common naming rules, and requires a first name with no last name): George
Examples of acceptable names: James, Mason, Xavier, Felix, Otto, Allan, Jessica
Examples of unacceptable names: Obama, Jesus, King, Dragon, Godly, Snyper, Circuits

Are you familiar with the Synthetic Programming and Guidelines (viewtopic.php?f=57&t=14417)? Yes I enjoyed it very much, it was a good learning experience.

Synthetic Character Story (An ADEQUATE description and story of your Synthetics actions and involvement in a previous mission onboard the Almayer): George was put into action, when an on board fire went out of control, along with a malfunctioning extinguishing system. George walked calmly through the danger, picked up a scientist in each arm. He began walking to med bay where the CMO ordered him to perform life saving duties. George was able to save the lives of the crew he is to protect. George enjoys making a healthy stable and clean environment but does not mind getting his synthetic hands dirty in the engine room or performing life saving tasks for his medical team.

How do you intend to play your Synth (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your Synth and what support roles you’ll mainly focus on, what is your synthetics quirk)? Primary | Prioritize SHIP crew if they are in danger. Secondary | Assist in any low staffed department and get permission from the head of department to do so. Tertiary | I will assist in medical bay when all other roles are fulfilled and provide medical assistance at the approval of the CMO.

How familiar are you with support roles? (ie; Medical, MT, Science, SO)I am very skilled in medical emergency's. I can run engineering if needed, Science is the only role I am not great at, but have the basics.

Why should we whitelist you? I would like to play the role of a synthetic, I love this kind of stuff, I only wish down the line maybe you would give synthetics the ability to use firearms (never seen them use rifles or sadars and such, but I have seen them use pistols and shotguns even using a shotgun with one arm and cocking it with one arm because his other arm got torn off by a xeno.)

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)? No

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why? No

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or the Synthetic Programming Guideline? Yes, I have been reading the marine laws a lot to keep up to date.

Right, I'll see what critique I can provide.
I'll start with the nitpicks (Yes, I'm guilty of most of them, even in this analysis)

Firstly, Your grammar is, less then perfect. You used unnecessary commas "George was put into action, when an on board fire went out of control, along with a malfunctioning extinguishing system." in places they aren't needed. In the citation, there shouldn't be a comma between 'Action' and 'When', It's just unnecessary. Along is also a connective so there is no need for a comma. Following up with the citation, you also use " George walked calmly through the danger, picked up a scientist in each arm." directly afterwards. While this isn't wrong so to say, the full stop does abruptly stop the flow of the sentence. A simple 'And' would be much better. You then follow up with "He began walking to med bay where the CMO ordered him to perform life saving duties.". I do notice a distinct lack of description here. If you simply described what George was doing, rather then telling the reader(s) that he was doing it, the story would be a lot more interesting Due to the fact you can clearly see how George operates and begin to develop knowledge of his character. Simply put, "The man rushed to the first aid kit, scattering its contents on the floor like a rabid dog" is more interesting to read through then "Preform life saving duties". Of course, these are just nitpicks, take them as you will. You then completely break the pace and begin talking about "a healthy stable and clean environment" when George was literally just saving lives. There is no tension or conflict here, it just happens. You then end with "performing life saving tasks for his medical team.", pretty stale, no climax.

I'll finish the rest of my nitpicks/Analysis tomorrow, See if you can improve your story until I can finish. For me, it's too late to continue

For now, I will not give a +1 or -1 until full analysis is complete

Edit: full analysis. The story is way too short, it describes nothing of George as a character. All we know about George is that he can preform "Life Saving duties" and "does not mind getting his synthetic hands dirty". You are more accustomed to tell us that rather then show us that. A very key technique is storytelling is 'show don't tell' where you show things that the character is doing to let the reader(s) figure out about them themselves. There is no conflict as we do not care for George as a character. There is no buildup as one minute he is saving lives and the other getting his hands dirty. We don't care about George, we don't know anything about him other then he is a synthetic. We also don't care for the scientists or CMO as they aren't even named, just a job, that's all. As accepted syth Leonard says below, his character has traits, your synthetic does not.

Possible Improvements: Make the story longer. In its current form, it is way too short to even hook in a reader. If you write the story to "create something *legendary* out of thin air" then that will be a lot better then what you made here.
Add more detail. Show don't tell. If you showed George doing "Life Saving" work rather then told us he was, we could start to get knowledge of how George operates.
Improve your attitude. Not your responce but your "heck one game I must of literally done over 100 bone surgery's" type of gloating. Doesn't help you get accepted.
Characterize the characters and their dynamic with George. Who is the CMO? Who are the scientists? What does George even do that no other synths do? Very important character development you seem to have missed. Simply naming the CMO would characterize him as well as the scientists

Props on finding those steam reviews, you actually did research into that. Good Job. Grammar is important but a good story can carry bad grammar. You do neither.

-1 too short and lacking in MAJOR detail. (Subject to change)

Edit:

Oh well I guess. It ain't that important to me.

HUGE -1

[NGGJamie]

-1 from me, the story is really short and doesn't say anything unique about your character. You make no mention of what quirk your synthetic would have.

[Captain_25]

I would of came up with another story, but I can't just create something *legendary* out of thin air as its suppose to be from past experience (even though we never got to do synths before). But anyhow, I knew I couldn't put anything on the forum without somebody constantly criticizing everything about what I say, down to grammar. Yes I see predator applications get approved from the worst story's, and then to boot in game, they do not even act like real predators. They befriend either xenos or marines. So I hope people here would at least give me a chance. I am a excellent role-player if that's what you people are looking for I could go on spewing out story after story and perfect grammar to titillate your fancy. I really want to develop my synthetic in game and have him learning new things every time about the crew and the ship. I always do a ton on the server to make everyone else's game more enjoyable than my experience. I don't mind doing that at all, heck one game I must of literally done over 100 bone surgery's (usually doing multiple surgery's at the same time as well) That being said, I want to have a good enjoyable time role-playing as a synthetic and believe people should not just -1 because of personal preferences. I think I portrayed George as a cool headed individual that doesn't spark up emotions and thinks logical. If you have to be a English elite major to sign up on whitelist applications then just deny me, because my grammar isn't perfect nobody's is and every makes mistakes no matter what. I don't have enough time to rewrite the story for the application. I believe I should be given a chance to at least try the role out and if it doesn't work then surely you could take me off the whitelist.

[Captain_25]

Right, I'll see what critique I can provide.
I'll start with the nitpicks (Yes, I'm guilty of most of them, even in this analysis)

Firstly, Your grammar is, less then perfect. You used unnecessary commas "George was put into action, when an on board fire went out of control, along with a malfunctioning extinguishing system." in places they aren't needed. In the citation, there shouldn't be a comma between 'Action' and 'When', It's just unnecessary. Along is also a connective so there is no need for a comma. Following up with the citation, you also use " George walked calmly through the danger, picked up a scientist in each arm." directly afterwards. While this isn't wrong so to say, the full stop does abruptly stop the flow of the sentence. A simple 'And' would be much better. You then follow up with "He began walking to med bay where the CMO ordered him to perform life saving duties.". I do notice a distinct lack of description here. If you simply described what George was doing, rather then telling the reader(s) that he was doing it, the story would be a lot more interesting Due to the fact you can clearly see how George operates and begin to develop knowledge of his character. Simply put, "The man rushed to the first aid kit, scattering its contents on the floor like a rabid dog" is more interesting to read through then "Preform life saving duties". Of course, these are just nitpicks, take them as you will. You then completely break the pace and begin talking about "a healthy stable and clean environment" when George was literally just saving lives. There is no tension or conflict here, it just happens. You then end with "performing life saving tasks for his medical team.", pretty stale, no climax.

I'll finish the rest of my nitpicks/Analysis tomorrow, See if you can improve your story until I can finish. For me, it's too late to continue

For now, I will not give a +1 or -1 until full analysis is complete

I find it funny you pick on my grammar when you yourself do not use it properly, I seen your steam reviews mister, practice what you preach.

[NGGJamie]

I would of came up with another story, but I can't just create something *legendary* out of thin air as its suppose to be from past experience (even though we never got to do synths before). But anyhow, I knew I couldn't put anything on the forum without somebody constantly criticizing everything about what I say, down to grammar. Yes I see predator applications get approved from the worst story's, and then to boot in game, they do not even act like real predators. They befriend either xenos or marines. So I hope people here would at least give me a chance. I am a excellent role-player if that's what you people are looking for I could go on spewing out story after story and perfect grammar to titillate your fancy. I really want to develop my synthetic in game and have him learning new things every time about the crew and the ship. I always do a ton on the server to make everyone else's game more enjoyable than my experience. I don't mind doing that at all, heck one game I must of literally done over 100 bone surgery's (usually doing multiple surgery's at the same time as well) That being said, I want to have a good enjoyable time role-playing as a synthetic and believe people should not just -1 because of personal preferences. I think I portrayed George as a cool headed individual that doesn't spark up emotions and thinks logical. If you have to be a English elite major to sign up on whitelist applications then just deny me, because my grammar isn't perfect nobody's is and every makes mistakes no matter what. I don't have enough time to rewrite the story for the application. I believe I should be given a chance to at least try the role out and if it doesn't work then surely you could take me off the whitelist.

I'm not even particularly concerned with the grammar of your application when giving a -1, though grammar is particularly important for Synthetics moreso than any other role due to their nature. My biggest criticism is that you only wrote a 94 word backstory with few establishing characteristics about your character, summing up to a short paragraph for the entire story.

I understand how difficult it can be to make a largely emotionless character seem unique. I'm an accepted synthetic myself; the backstory I wrote on my application took roughly 2 hours to write and even then I still have problems with it to this day because I feel like I still didn't characterize Leonard enough but what I focused on instead was what went through my character's mind while dealing with a sensitive situation. Nonetheless, the question I pose is this: What do we learn from reading both of these backstories?

My backstory shows that my character is very analytical as he should be, but also attempts to keep himself relatively natural if a bit off-putting compared to a normal human. While this is common Synthetic behavior, the execution is what's more important as the backstory also demonstrates my understanding of how I might think on my character's behalf when acting as them. Leonard could have called the nearby marine squad as soon as he was attacked, or took down the man who stabbed him easily if he wished. He took neither of these actions and instead suffered damage for the greater good, and the best possible outcome.

What have I learned after reading your backstory? I know that your character is level-headed because he didn't panic over the fire, that he's good at medicine, and that saving people is a priority for him. While these are all Synthetic traits, they're all inherent Synthetic traits. Every Synth will have those traits regardless of who is playing them, making them not unique or demonstrative of character which is my deciding criticism. No character can be established in under 100 words unless you have something very elaborate already set up for them to react to. This can often be seen in movies where a character's establishing shot is simply them performing a single action, and that tells you all about who they are as a person and what role they're going to play in the movie.

What you've effectively said here is that the quality of your application doesn't matter because bad applications have been accepted before, and regardless of it's state you should be whitelisted anyway. If that was the case, then we simply wouldn't whitelist the role because that's effectively how every other role works. A player can hop in-game on day 1 and be the Executive Officer if they want, despite the very high chance they will be terrible in that role and likely end up being Job-Banned, which is what you're suggesting by saying this; you're saying we should effectively accept you and de-whitelist(essentially job-ban) you if you do something wrong. Thus rendering the entire application process moot.

[Wubs4Scrubs]

This is pretty low effort, when the copy paste of acceptable and unacceptable synth names is half the length of your story you have problems.

-1

[Captain_25]

Oh well I guess. It ain't that important to me.

[Captain_25]

I'm not even particularly concerned with the grammar of your application when giving a -1, though grammar is particularly important for Synthetics moreso than any other role due to their nature. My biggest criticism is that you only wrote a 94 word backstory with few establishing characteristics about your character, summing up to a short paragraph for the entire story.

I understand how difficult it can be to make a largely emotionless character seem unique. I'm an accepted synthetic myself; the backstory I wrote on my application took roughly 2 hours to write and even then I still have problems with it to this day because I feel like I still didn't characterize Leonard enough but what I focused on instead was what went through my character's mind while dealing with a sensitive situation. Nonetheless, the question I pose is this: What do we learn from reading both of these backstories?

My backstory shows that my character is very analytical as he should be, but also attempts to keep himself relatively natural if a bit off-putting compared to a normal human. While this is common Synthetic behavior, the execution is what's more important as the backstory also demonstrates my understanding of how I might think on my character's behalf when acting as them. Leonard could have called the nearby marine squad as soon as he was attacked, or took down the man who stabbed him easily if he wished. He took neither of these actions and instead suffered damage for the greater good, and the best possible outcome.

What have I learned after reading your backstory? I know that your character is level-headed because he didn't panic over the fire, that he's good at medicine, and that saving people is a priority for him. While these are all Synthetic traits, they're all inherent Synthetic traits. Every Synth will have those traits regardless of who is playing them, making them not unique or demonstrative of character which is my deciding criticism. No character can be established in under 100 words unless you have something very elaborate already set up for them to react to. This can often be seen in movies where a character's establishing shot is simply them performing a single action, and that tells you all about who they are as a person and what role they're going to play in the movie.

What you've effectively said here is that the quality of your application doesn't matter because bad applications have been accepted before, and regardless of it's state you should be whitelisted anyway. If that was the case, then we simply wouldn't whitelist the role because that's effectively how every other role works. A player can hop in-game on day 1 and be the Executive Officer if they want, despite the very high chance they will be terrible in that role and likely end up being Job-Banned, which is what you're suggesting by saying this; you're saying we should effectively accept you and de-whitelist(essentially job-ban) you if you do something wrong. Thus rendering the entire application process moot.

I see what you are saying I have seen people playing as synthetics and doing zero role-play and ignoring people who are harmed (I actually asked them for help). So obviously this process isn't that important as you make it out to be. If you wanted to have a real application system, applications would be private and for forum staff eyes only. That way if I do a terrible job on a application, I can speak to the person one and one and see what I did wrong to help myself be better at this and be able to enjoy the game like everyone else. But instead applications have to be posted for every tom dick and harry to throw there two cents in and just loses its value and luster. I don't even want to have my application up anymore, I don't even want to hear from an admin or nothing even if I got approved, just to silly to deal with.

[NescauComToddy]

I see what you are saying I have seen people playing as synthetics and doing zero role-play and ignoring people who are harmed (I actually asked them for help). So obviously this process isn't that important as you make it out to be. If you wanted to have a real application system, applications would be private and for forum staff eyes only. That way if I do a terrible job on a application, I can speak to the person one and one and see what I did wrong to help myself be better at this and be able to enjoy the game like everyone else. But instead applications have to be posted for every tom dick and harry to throw there two cents in and just loses its value and luster. I don't even want to have my application up anymore, I don't even want to hear from an admin or nothing even if I got approved, just to silly to deal with.

Only this reply already makes me provide a heavy -1.

Your application is lacking in details not only in the backstory but also in why you should be whitelisted and how your Synth would play.

You say you are a good role-player, but apparently, you can not compose a story with the depth of fewer than 100 words, which is contradictory. We can not forget that you do not accept negative reviews even though you acknowledge that your application was very bad. I would like to mention that when you copy a name from another application you demonstrate a large amount of precarious creativity.

You say we're not giving decent reviews, correct? This is because there is absolutely nothing to be evaluated. You did not try so hard that you managed to leave your application practically blank. You did not tell us about the personality of your Synth or let alone a backstory because you just typed a description.

I always provide considerable support in most of the applications I see, but your reply here has left me slightly salty because of your immaturity in accepting that your app is not at the same level as the others. I recommend that you wait for two months and try to do something decent with little arrogance. In case you are curious about how an application should be, take a look at the other apps.

[xywenx00]

-1 from me, very low effort. Also your reply... NescauComToddy wrote everything I wanted to say about that.

[Captain_25]

Only this reply already makes me provide a heavy -1.

Your application is lacking in details not only in the backstory but also in why you should be whitelisted and how your Synth would play.

You say you are a good role-player, but apparently, you can not compose a story with the depth of fewer than 100 words, which is contradictory. We can not forget that you do not accept negative reviews even though you acknowledge that your application was very bad. I would like to mention that when you copy a name from another application you demonstrate a large amount of precarious creativity.

You say we're not giving decent reviews, correct? This is because there is absolutely nothing to be evaluated. You did not try so hard that you managed to leave your application practically blank. You did not tell us about the personality of your Synth or let alone a backstory because you just typed a description.

I always provide considerable support in most of the applications I see, but your reply here has left me slightly salty because of your immaturity in accepting that your app is not at the same level as the others. I recommend that you wait for two months and try to do something decent with little arrogance. In case you are curious about how an application should be, take a look at the other apps.

Because no matter what I do or say, people are going to be negative about it no matter what just like here, blah blah immaturity accepting the app bullshit, I lost all enthusiasm to even try any further. You are the worst moderator I ever seen for assuming things, just goes to show you what happens when you hire volunteer teens to run a forum. I did not take a name from another application, I did not even read any of the applications but this is the exact bullshit I'm talking about, people automatically assume your doing malicious or bad things and just stealing things from other peoples applications. Hence why I said this should be more private and not let the public play forum hour power hour. A simple, yes or no to my app would of been sufficient instead of all this HEY GUYS LOOK THIS GUY TOOK ANUVER NAME FROM APP LETS ALL BE DICKS TO HIM!!!!!! Literally this forum just sucks the life and fun out of CM. I am deleting my forum account so anything you post here to me will never be seen by me, enjoy writhing in your own filth.

[Feweh]

Denied.

Turned into a massive little bitch because pretty criticized his application.