Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

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NoahKirchner
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Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by NoahKirchner » 22 Jun 2018, 12:26

Classified [Level 3]
Property of Weyland-Yutani/United Americas
Do Not Replicate

Byond ID: NoahKirchner

Marine Name: Scott Ivors (Enlisted), Michael Braddock (Officer), formerly Hunter Thames and Noah Kirchner

Name/Designation of Artificial Person: Lucky

Are you familiar with the Synthetic Programming and Guidelines?
Affirmative

Synthetic Mission Log [LV-232|2184|USS Almayer]
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How do you intend to play your Synth?

I plan to play my synth as a very nurturing figure, concerned first and foremost with the mental well-being of the marines and civilians around him. As far as roleplay and gameplay goes, this will hopefully manifest in a primary focus on encouragement, light triage and logistics roles, with hopefully some interaction to be had with the more obscure crew jobs aboard the Almayer like researcher and maintenance technician and some fun paperwork doing in the background.

How familiar are you with support roles?

I primarily play support roles, with bridge staff, squad leader, squad medic and engineering positions taking up the vast majority of the roles that I play, and I am confident in my abilities in any job on the Almayer.

Why should we whitelist you?

I feel like I can add a unique character to the Almayer that will brighten the experience of the marines and civilians onboard and make for a more memorable round for everybody involved. I don't want to play a synth for the abilities, instead I find genuine interest in the roleplay that can grow out of interactions between synthetic and organic life in the Aliens universe, and I hope to explore some of this roleplay.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason?

That's a negative, ghost rider.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why?

Not that I know of, I had a perma on vore for griefing but I got it appealed about a year ago and beyond that I don't think I've ever been perma'd.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or the Synthetic Programming Guideline?
Sure do.
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driecg36
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by driecg36 » 22 Jun 2018, 12:27

finally someone else appreciates colored text +1
Some guy.

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Jakkkk
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by Jakkkk » 22 Jun 2018, 19:39

This is a massive -1, which is a shame because you're a really good player.

Lucky is a name for a dog if anything, you only have ONE line of dialogue from your synth in that entire story. It doesn't really show that he is a nurturing or caring figure either, if anything it provides me with the quirk of being hilariously disconnected with social queues. You're a cool player, but I would not trust you to play a synthetic after seeing this application.

How to fix this application next time around is simple; add more dialogue. A synth in game is 90% dialogue RP, you need to get a quirk that will affect how you speak in one way or another. I personally use the "sir/madame/Master" thing when referring to people, like sir Carson or Master Kennel. Lily uses Mister and Misses, and Cynthia uses saints and craftsmen. It separates them from the rest of the synth crowd by having their quirk shown through the radio rather than a personal experience to get the RP out of them. With this quirk, it'll likely copy many others with just being polite and concerned over everyone's well-being.

My next piece of advise for your future application (I'm gonna force you to make another, you're too good of an RPer to not be a synthetic) is to make a more interesting story. From this story, all I can gather is him waking up, cracking a joke, then giving the commander a coffee. Maybe introduce an interaction with another synth, them teaching a new MT some tricks or something, a story that will show who they are, provide interesting dialogue, and captivate the audience.

Better luck next time bud.
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Xarvis Ut'ur-era: viewtopic.php?f=124&t=17817

Synthetic Council Term One, along with Sleepy Retard and MattAtlas.

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NoahKirchner
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by NoahKirchner » 22 Jun 2018, 19:52

Jakkkk wrote:
22 Jun 2018, 19:39
This is a massive -1, which is a shame because you're a really good player.

Lucky is a name for a dog if anything, you only have ONE line of dialogue from your synth in that entire story. It doesn't really show that he is a nurturing or caring figure either, if anything it provides me with the quirk of being hilariously disconnected with social queues. You're a cool player, but I would not trust you to play a synthetic after seeing this application.

How to fix this application next time around is simple; add more dialogue. A synth in game is 90% dialogue RP, you need to get a quirk that will affect how you speak in one way or another. I personally use the "sir/madame/Master" thing when referring to people, like sir Carson or Master Kennel. Lily uses Mister and Misses, and Cynthia uses saints and craftsmen. It separates them from the rest of the synth crowd by having their quirk shown through the radio rather than a personal experience to get the RP out of them. With this quirk, it'll likely copy many others with just being polite and concerned over everyone's well-being.

My next piece of advise for your future application (I'm gonna force you to make another, you're too good of an RPer to not be a synthetic) is to make a more interesting story. From this story, all I can gather is him waking up, cracking a joke, then giving the commander a coffee. Maybe introduce an interaction with another synth, them teaching a new MT some tricks or something, a story that will show who they are, provide interesting dialogue, and captivate the audience.

Better luck next time bud.
Certainly valid criticism on retrospect. Admittedly, I was planning on going with a dad-bot quirk and then I checked the other applications before I submitted and saw that it was already yoinked, so I did some last minute adjustments to story and quirk to try to salvage the work that I'd put into it. I do certainly appreciate the criticism, and now that you mention it I see where this story certainly falls flat as far as actually showing the character and perhaps I need to flush them out a bit more before I try this again.

As far as the name thing goes, Lucky is a valid name for a boy, I figured short and sweet is better than unique and difficult to type, but point taken.

I appreciate the compliments you gave though and hopefully I can impress you next time around, and again, thank you for the criticism.
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NoahKirchner
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by NoahKirchner » 24 Jun 2018, 04:48

Alright, after thinking about it a bit I believe that this application was submitted a bit prematurely. The quirk isn't unique and I don't think I'd have any fun roleplaying this character because of its rather bland and boring nature so hopefully it's closed whenever NGGJamie has a chance to check synth applications.

That said, if you have any other criticisms of the writing style in particular, which is something that I can work on (Not so much about the quirk because I plan on entirely ditching it), please do share so that I can improve my story next time with something that properly shows the unique nature of my synth. Otherwise, I'd be content with this being closed whenever anybody has a chance to do so and I'll re-apply in two months from then with an application which I feel properly embodies a character that will be interesting to play and, more importantly, interesting to interact with.
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by Kavlo » 26 Jun 2018, 02:49

Aye Noah was looking good till you dropped the ball on the backstory's quality, everything else looks fine. Better luck next time mate.
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NoahKirchner
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by NoahKirchner » 26 Jun 2018, 12:42

Kavlo wrote:
26 Jun 2018, 02:49
Aye Noah was looking good till you dropped the ball on the backstory's quality, everything else looks fine. Better luck next time mate.
For sure, any comments on how I could improve the backstory's quality for next time?
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by Kavlo » 26 Jun 2018, 13:28

NoahKirchner wrote:
26 Jun 2018, 12:42
For sure, any comments on how I could improve the backstory's quality for next time?
Sorry probably should've done that the first time but I was a bit tired.

Mainly your problem with your backstory is direction of your character, simple put like mentioned already you didn't show your synth off much. You explained what your synth was doing most of the time but not so much showing how your synth with interact with people which is the main thing you'll be doing when playing synth. You say yourself here "a very nurturing figure, concerned first and foremost with the mental well-being of the marines and civilians around him" so that gives you a lot of options within your backstory frame you've come up with to show this off, in the story it's said that the marines are basically there to restore order on the colony for Weyland which could've given you a lot of options to show off your character.

My recommendation is have it so instead the backstory is set after or during the mission and have Lucky interact with either distraught marines or civilians for whatever reason that may be, maybe they're wounded, maybe they saw something traumatizing or maybe they made a bad mistake, it's up to you what you do with it.
The problem with giving criticism about this your backstory is while it is written very well I will give you that you just didn't describe and show off your character enough is what it boiled down to.

Anyway hopefully that gives you an idea Noah I thought the story was still good but if you had shown off your synth more since they're the key focus of a backstory then you would've been in the clear.
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by NoahKirchner » 26 Jun 2018, 13:30

Kavlo wrote:
26 Jun 2018, 13:28
Sorry probably should've done that the first time but I was a bit tired.

Mainly your problem with your backstory is direction of your character, simple put like mentioned already you didn't show your synth off much. You explained what your synth was doing most of the time but not so much showing how your synth with interact with people which is the main thing you'll be doing when playing synth. You say yourself here "a very nurturing figure, concerned first and foremost with the mental well-being of the marines and civilians around him" so that gives you a lot of options within your backstory frame you've come up with to show this off, in the story it's said that the marines are basically there to restore order on the colony for Weyland which could've given you a lot of options to show off your character.

My recommendation is have it so instead the backstory is set after or during the mission and have Lucky interact with either distraught marines or civilians for whatever reason that may be, maybe they're wounded, maybe they saw something traumatizing or maybe they made a bad mistake, it's up to you what you do with it.
The problem with giving criticism about this your backstory is while it is written very well I will give you that you just didn't describe and show off your character enough is what it boiled down to.

Anyway hopefully that gives you an idea Noah I thought the story was still good but if you had shown off your synth more since they're the key focus of a backstory then you would've been in the clear.
Thank you very much for the advice. I plan on using another quirk for my next application but the idea that you gave works really well for it, and as far as the rest of your criticisms go they are certainly appreciated and I'll take them into account for the next application.
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by Sargeantmuffinman » 09 Jul 2018, 06:33

That backstory needs some work as stated by kavlo and jakkk.

There's not many here that gave an opinion so this'll need a little more feedback hopefully.
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by NoahKirchner » 09 Jul 2018, 06:58

Sargeantmuffinman wrote:
09 Jul 2018, 06:33
That backstory needs some work as stated by kavlo and jakkk.

There's not many here that gave an opinion so this'll need a little more feedback hopefully.
Already asked for it to be closed at some point so feedback regarding the application itself isn't necessary, criticism is all I'm after now to make the next application better.

Thank you for reading it through though.
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Re: Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

Post by Emeraldblood » 09 Jul 2018, 09:50

Resolved - Requested to be closed by app host. You can try again in two months (As of the first closing request date: June 24th).
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