An Apology

[Stalin]

This is not an appeal. I am not asking for your forgiveness.

Greetings.
This is my third account on the forums - my other two being FriedKetchup and Youbar.
Feel free to shitpost me, make derogatory comments - do anything you like. I'm here because I owe you all something.
I'm here to say sorry.

Gelonvia

Your roleplaying skills and your contributions to the community are amazing. When I first saw you in the game, you were playing a French woman in a friendly relationship with another player. Back then and still now, I was an asshole, and you were an easy target. Relationships - friendly or romantic - are easy targets for somebody like me, and I took up the opportunity. Multiple times, I abused my position as a Bridge Officer to get you and the other player to separate or go somewhere else. I did it out of jealousy and spite.
"Why does she get to engage with another player in such a meaningful way?" "Why is she so dramatic?" "Why does a player like this even go on a run and gun community? Does she expect any decent roleplay?"
You weren't my only target, but you were one of my primary ones, up there with the staff. You were easy to anger - I saw that in you - and I took advantage of it. It was a terrible thing to do at the time, but it's too late to change that. I wish I could.
I got banned, and then I came back with another key after noticing I was unbanned. I built up a reputation as a decent player, I applied for a moderator application, and then I saw you do the same. I used every power I had at my disposal to paint you in a bad light, breaking an admin protocol, and putting you in an uncomfortable position where you felt as if you were "being watched", a position that was supported by my erratic BYOND messaging and odd behaviour. Again, I'm sorry. You're a wonderful person, and please, if you ever meet somebody like me again, dust off your shoulders and move on. We're not worth your time.

Speedybastard

Yes, that is their full name.
Speedy, I remember meeting you, and dragging you about on an office chair along with Haruspex. To be honest, that's all I recall. Somehow, I added you, and a bit later when I retired from Yogstation as an admin, I began to grief Colonial Marines. You were my primary outlet. We discussed things, I ranted to you and you listened, but I constantly wore the kindness towards me down. I remember asking, "Why don't you block me now?", and you replied, "For the good old times." For the times when I wasn't acting as indecent as I was now, and how I should have always acted. Sure, my character wasn't the best person around, but at least the person behind it wasn't a wallowing ball of self pity. You know, even after I got banned for the third time, you maintained contact. You were patient, and I abused that. I shouldn't have, and you let me go. That was quite possibly the best thing you could have done - you shouldn't have to have suffered from my negative influence. Please, make the most of your life, as terrible as you portray it to be.

Apophis775 + SASOperative

Apophis, even in the dark you are a shining beacon of light. As your profile states, you're incredibly fair, and even if a player seems like the worst possible form of scumbaggery out there, you'll listen to them intently, and hear their side of the story. I apologise for wasting all your time with my shenanigans. You're already busy enough, and the fact that you have to waste even a second on people such as myself is ridiculous. I apologise for the times I doxxed you, and revealed all sorts of information about you. I had no right to do that, and I'm incredibly lucky you didn't take legal action. Carry on with what you're doing.
SASOperative, I haven't seen a whole lot of you, but an apology is due nonetheless. I deceived you by taking on the role of FriedKetchup, and pretending I was a "better member of the community". As soon as I could, I applied for the chance at being a moderator. To be honest with you, I saw this as a sort of "grand reckoning". On the 15th of December, a year since this thread, I was going to reveal who I was. I wanted to take it as a chance to redeem myself, and as a way to hopefully give the community a better light of me. "This player adminned us for three months, was kind to players, and never slipped up? And he's Youbar?" Ultimately, this plan was corrupted with the admin complaint less than a week into my service. I didn't set out with the best intentions in mind, but I wanted to change and see what I could do to bring myself back. As I said to Apophis, and I think what I said applies to both of you, I'm sorry for wasting your time and frustrating you. I should have stopped, but I didn't.

Various admins
Most of you are retired by now, but you bore the brunt of my attacks against staff. As Youbar, I sent all sorts of rude messages to you if you warned me, with such things as "why so serious?". After all, at the time, Joker's attitude perfectly reflected how I felt - everything was a joke. Why were people getting so worked up over these comments? It should have been clear in my mind, but it wasn't. They hurt you, and I should have stopped, but I didn't. When Gelonvia created the complaint, I realised just how much words could effect somebody. Anything I said to her was minuscule to the amount of abuse you suffered from my hands, and to think you put up with it and kept me on the server for a whole month is beyond me. You have incredibly high tolerance rates, and I admire you for that.
The newer ones who experienced the drama with FriedKetchup + Gelonvia, again, I'm sorry. No doubt there were some of you who still had faith in me, until the news spread that I a. further attacked Gelonvia over BYOND, and b. turned out to be a griefer who was supposed to be banned for a long time. You were all there to support me, and I'm glad I'm gone. I was a negative influence on the team.

Everybody else
I'm sorry. No doubt my actions have shaken at least some of you up. That's why I'm gone, and that's why I won't be back for a while.

Finalities
My actions were all shitty, and completely the wrong thing to do. There are probably numerous events I have omitted, but I've tried my best to make this apology seem as genuine as possible. I know some of you out there won't forgive me at all, and I don't blame you. Why should you? I come here, I rile people up, and then I leave. I owe it to you to mention that I've been permabanned three times. Once over New Eden Station, once a few months ago, and once more earlier this week. You have no reason to keep me here any longer, but if you can take my promise, I'm trying to improve. I tried my best this time around, but I ultimately succumbed to my immature behaviour I displayed as Youbar. If it means anything, I avoided all the characteristics of my old self as much as possible - swearing, being a dick, and constantly challenging admins - and I hope you saw at least a part of this in me.
I think one of the other key reasons (aside from jealousy and irrational hatred) I didn't want Gelonvia to be an admin was because I was two of those characteristics in her roleplay character. I thought, "She's like me! She's only covering it up." It was a stupid idea, but I stuck with it until the bitter end.

All in all, my actions have been shitty. You owe me nothing, and I'll likely never return to the community, but I thought I owed you something for all the grief I've caused you. Take it for what it is.

This is not an appeal. I am not asking for your forgiveness.

[Lostmixup]

If you're really sorry then try harder in the future, no matter where you're playing, try to be better and not repeat your mistakes.

To be honest, I'm not really mad. Just kinda disappointed (I know, it's the mom line). I mean, you were doing fine as a moderator you just took things a little too far. Even if you were dropped as a trial you could've reapplied and had a second chance.

My advice is to think before you actually start doing something. Think of how it will affect the person, and what it'll make them think of you and your actions. Don't let that dictate everything you do of course; just make sure that there's a little bit of thought behind your actions.

I recommend actually taking some time off from CM, and explore another community for a few months; for real this time.

[Feweh]

Honestly this is really pathetic now.

Everything you do seems to be for attention or is extremely over-dramatic. You could of easily sent the individuals PM's apologising and explaining your actions.

I dont think this is sincere or any different from your previous actions. Its just another Youbar being a shitlord on the forums.

As Lost said, if youre serious then fuck off with this forum and stupid trolling shit.

Id delete this thread if i was allowed, just because it seems like you do shit like this for attention and nothing changes.

[Mac]

I'm fairly new to this community, but I've been involved in the ss13 community for a long time now as a player, mod, admin, mapper, coder, and host all at various points. I cannot comment on your actions beyond the few weeks I've seen you play, but based on what you wrote in this topic it is clear you have some things you need to work out with yourself. I want to echo what has already been said and say that you really should take a break from CM and possibly ss13 as a whole until you've worked out your issues. I'm a believer in second chances, but I also believe someone given a second chance needs to improve upon the reason they screwed up in the first place. If you mean what you say, take a break from the community. They say time heals all and if no forgiveness is shown now, it may be on the future from those you've wronged.

I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors, this is on my phone and autocorrect can be a pain.

[SASoperative]

I.... Honestly have no idea what to really say regarding this. I mean you are just someone I don't think I will understand... I do however accept your apology. But you could have come up front to me before doing this whole Friedketchup thing and apologized and I would have probably accepted.

[speedybst]

I'd take a long hiatus from our domain if I were you. Perhaps if you can show more of those 'old days' I'll consider accept this.

[Sadokist]

Well like I told you last night, I can't for sure say you're being insincere but you have a really weird way of going about things. Instead of a direct apology to those you feel you've wronged you dramatize the situation in a very odd manner. This isn't a soap opera and you making it that way just comes across as dubious.

[Stalin]

I'd take a long hiatus from our domain if I were you.

That's what I'm going to do.

[Sebro]

You-Bar.....I think I remember you! I don't care whether you stay in CM or not, you're an OK person. Also you like Stalin, and I cannot respect that, why not Lenin?