Funny, Embarrassing, and General OMG Moments

[YungCuz]

Lmao why

[Snypehunter007]

Right I was playing an MT this round, and the MTs managed to trap a drone in one of the fucking compartments in the engine room. We wanted to fill it with plasma to kill it. And burn it

I was the CE who locked yall in to keep the fire from spreading. Apologies for that.

It was for the greater good.

[Swagile]

It was a boring FOB round but me and a bunch of other medics decided to play Blackjack while healing people.

Ended up playing it all the wait till Sulaco being invaded via Marine Prep and us playing in Canteen; I died UGL bombing the xenos then being stomped.

Was pretty great.

[Martzin]

Probably the worst I've fucked up ever in my time as an MP.

The xenos were invading the Sully and a marine mutiny was just put down. The XO was killed in cold blood and the marine who did it was arrested, but beaten badly by an MP.

When the xenos landed the marine had a medic patching him up and I checked it out, and the other MP says the 2 took his ID and cuffed him.

I wasn't feeling like taking any shit so I tazed the medic, attempted to take the ID but couldnt find it, then they got up and after a stand-off we fired at eachother. The other MP was killed and so was the squaddie marine, leaving me and the medic only.
After getting destroyed by an ancient runner me and the 2 marines proceeded with a salt-soaked argument in dchat and the other MP was pissed at me that I didnt avenge him then and there. I was completely pissed as-well, both at myself for not killing them when I had my chance and for getting murdered in cold blood.

After contemplation, I realized the whole damn thing could have been prevented by simply asking for the ID. Which I would usually immediately do, but for some un-godly reason I didn't and instead took the worst course of action. This will stick with me for a while.

[Renomaki]

Probably the worst I've fucked up ever in my time as an MP.

The xenos were invading the Sully and a marine mutiny was just put down. The XO was killed in cold blood and the marine who did it was arrested, but beaten badly by an MP.

When the xenos landed the marine had a medic patching him up and I checked it out, and the other MP says the 2 took his ID and cuffed him.

I wasn't feeling like taking any shit so I tazed the medic, attempted to take the ID but couldnt find it, then they got up and after a stand-off we fired at eachother. The other MP was killed and so was the squaddie marine, leaving me and the medic only.
After getting destroyed by an ancient runner me and the 2 marines proceeded with a salt-soaked argument in dchat and the other MP was pissed at me that I didnt avenge him then and there. I was completely pissed as-well, both at myself for not killing them when I had my chance and for getting murdered in cold blood.

After contemplation, I realized the whole damn thing could have been prevented by simply asking for the ID. Which I would usually immediately do, but for some un-godly reason I didn't and instead took the worst course of action. This will stick with me for a while.

Trust me mate, I know the feels..

We all have that round where we disappoint ourselves, knowing we could have done better, but for some reason fate decided that we were going to be fuckups that round.

Perfection is nearly impossible in SS13, and I hate that.

[Martzin]

Trust me mate, I know the feels..

We all have that round where we disappoint ourselves, knowing we could have done better, but for some reason fate decided that we were going to be fuckups that round.

Perfection is nearly impossible in SS13, and I hate that.

I suppose this is my first taste of it, and boy doesn't it suck.

[Sephoris]

Decided to SL, we were on the Pod heading down to Ice colony. I had the throw intent set after asking for some wire to be thrown to me, so I could catch it, then attach a bayonet to my pulse rifle. No wire was thrown and so I went to put the knife away in my armour... Accidentally threw it at one of my squads chest, leaving the bayonet sticking in him. We got off the Pod, my squads engineer goes SSD, I've a marine with a bayonet in their chest SSD... I was laughing and shaking my head at the same time. To make things worst, when I went to throw a grenade later in the round, the throw intent didn't initiate and It blew up in my hand

[Moon Tune]

That round I was playing as a MP and the engineering staff managed to superheat the damn distribution system in an attempt to produce atmos bombs. (Don't ask me how they did that, but they have been fucking around with Atmos before even setting up the engine, so it was inevitable anyways probably.) People were literally burning alive inside the canteen. Me and a Maintenance Tech equipped ourselves with fire-fighting gear and made our way through the hallway to engineering to detain the Chief Engineer. Inch by inch we fought our way through the hallway against the intense heat and the relentless pressure. Our faces were literally melting off our bodies and our lungs were burning. Seeing how it was futile to advance to engineering since the pressure just knocked us over if we got near it, we decided to use the maintenance tunnel.
On our way there we met the Chief. He had hacked himself into EVA and grabbed a space suit to escape out of the airlocks. I quickly followed him to the best of my abilities, but it was too much as I passed near the source of the intense heat and I got knocked out in the middle of space. Accepting my fate I drifted further and further away from the Sulaco, but the gods decided that my time has not come yet and awakened me from my unconscious state. In the middle of nowhere, out there somwhere in the nothingness of space, a new determination filled my heart. What ensued was a thirty minute long space odyssey to find the Sulaco again. As I found the airlock, I was informed that the CE had escaped to the planet. A futile attempt, for I have crawled back from the depths of hell to enforce the law once and for all.
After the Bridge Officer permissioned me to go planetside I ignored any standard operating procedures and dropped directly onto the planet with the Vindicator. There the CE ran right into my arms after my landing. His cries for help were quickly silenced as the stunbaton unleashed the ratained justice upon him. Since there was no Commander to authorize an execution he was put into the isolation cell to await his final judgement.

YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE LAW

The LAW had been carried out and the Marines managed to wipe out the xenomorph infestation shortly after. What a great round.

[Renomaki]

Further proof that the main story isn't as interesting as the subplots here on SS13 CM

[Antopathos]

A few days back I was a member of Delta on FOB duty. From start to near finish, I didn't get to see much action because I obeyed the SL and didn't have a deathwish. The battle was going rather well, so when only a few aliens remained, we pushed to hunt them down in the bar and below. There I lost my helmet and then got facehugged by a carrier, but my squadmates drove it away. I had no idea what to do since I only started playing a few days before, so when my squadmates told me to "knife it off", I took the bayonet from my boots, targeted my head and... beheaded myself. Right in front of the squadmate that I had worked and roleplayed closely with the whole match. They had to fall back for a moment, but came to get my body as the last Xeno was about to die...

Apparently I was supposed to remove the facehugger from my inventory. Who would have thought.

[Casany]

Friend, here's whatcha do. Take the bayonet, move your mouse to the mask slot where the hugger is, and click. It'll die, you'll be fine

[Karmac]

I think I need to stop playing CM at 2am in the morning.

[Karmac]

Mfw the rasp lands on me and me alone

[Swagile]

Ryan being made a Predator.

Kneez should defo post about that; I didn't see it fully tbh.

[Swagile]

Double post because this was actually interesting.

> be me, Bob Burner
> roll CL to start some shenanigans on Sulaco
> go to bridge and see Ray Dubi, XO, stealing CO's beret
> report him on comms
> this turns into a long lasting feud, but for now, MP's called and they force the XO to drop the hat which PO later steals
> I go to briefing to start some shit by asking those in briefing to get me beer off of the colony in exchange for a diamond
> Then, to ensure EVERYONE hears it, I broadcast it over Announcements
> I then go down to my fax machine and fax Weyland for some beer
> Instead of accepting my request, they give me the objective of stealing station blueprints and starting a mutiny... all in 1 hour
> I get a cool handgun, C4, and a chamo projector to do my job
> Later get caught for my broadcasting, but I put away most of the incriminating evidence of my treachery into my office
> Get threatened with execution... because I asked people to get me beer off the colony (lol)
> Escape from brig before they can perma brig me (because shitting on CL's is el funny may may)
> Get my shit, C4 into CE's office, and escape with the blueprints with no one seeing me do it (CE was setting up engine and CT's were busy doing their job)
> End up chased because they want to remove my radio (again because shitting on CL's for little reason is el funny may may) so I shoot at them
> End up caught AGAIN, and put in Isolation
> While there, I win over a MP by telling them the realities of how powerless they are because all of the MP's were essentially just the XO's goons
> Get let out with all my gear and everyone ignores me
> Disguise myself as a Marine and enter Bridge
> I contemplate just gunning everyone down (2 BO's) and locking down bridge, but I thought that would be a really anti climatic ending to my attempted mutiny and so I held off... which got me arrested by a MP
> Finally get executed... after yakkety saxing a bunch of times and out dodging the MP's pepper sprays

Just glossing over my antag CL round. I didn't want to be a unrefined shitlord that just shoots everyone up; I wanted to start a real mutiny. But my attempts at it sucked because I had 1 hour to do it, so all I could think up was threatening everyone with a incoming Deathsquad... which everyone ignored (since CL's getting admin help is unlikely 90% of the time so CL's are ignored). Was a fun round regardless; the funnest part was getting out of jail merely through getting a sympathizer in the MP ranks and not through the admin spawned chamo projector given to me.

[Nightwolf901]

Need I say more?

[Imperator_Titan]

Need I say more?

We did that on a much larger scale a while back, wherever a body bag could fit it was placed. Some marines even had to stand up because there wasn't enough space.

[Martzin]

Need I say more?

truly expert tactics, Sun Tzu approved 11/10

[northcote4]

Need I say more?

It's a good tactic.

But it's not a '15 marines in a single filing cabinet' good tactic.

[TheMaskedMan2]

It's a good tactic.

But it's not a '15 marines in a single filing cabinet' good tactic.

I just imagine a Xeno opening it and slowly a big red bloody blob of meat squeezes out.

[northcote4]

I just imagine a Xeno opening it and slowly a big red bloody blob of meat squeezes out.

A giant blob of meat and gun.

Death incarnate.

[Imperator_Titan]

A giant blob of meat and gun.

Death incarnate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1qLCGbYELw

Pretty relevant.

[johners12345]

LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (BO)] asks, "Larry Thornhill, Lacy Scrap Barreras, Samantha Patches Clark, John mark, and SCchlo'antl draw- What the fuck kind of name is that?"
CPL William Joyce [Sulaco (Med)] says, "XO said hell pick up the soap"
ENS Natalia Zubko asks, "When briefing starts?"
LCDR Katri Anderson [Sulaco (XO)] asks, "Did you just assume my gender?"
LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (BO)] says, "Whatever, You all have notreported in yet. Please report in"

His real name is Sch'Antol Drawksins


Curtis isn't good with pronunciation

[johners12345]

Curtis couldn't get his Paroxetine. He becomes a bit depressed and aggravated.

This is Maia 'Viper' Archer!
She is wearing an USCM uniform.
She is wearing an USCM beret on her head.
She is wearing a M3 pattern marine armor.
She is carrying a M37A2 pump shotgun on her M3 pattern marine armor.
She has an USCM infantry backpack on her back.
She is holding a M10 pattern marine helmet in her right hand.
She has some delta squad gloves on her hands.
She has a M276 pattern ammo load rig about her waist.
She is wearing some marine combat boots on her feet.
She has a cigarette on her face.
She has a marine delta radio headset on her right ear.
She is wearing Maia 'Viper' Archer's ID Card (Delta Squad Marine).
She is quite chubby.

*---------*
LCDR Curtis Weeter says, "Fat asss."
LCDR Curtis Weeter says, "You."
LCDR Curtis Weeter says, "Are."
LCDR Curtis Weeter says, "A fat ass."
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] asks, "What the fuck LCDR Curtis?"
LCDR Curtis Weeter [Sulaco (CE)] says, "Stop eating"
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] says, "I am not fat."
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] says, "WAIT"
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] asks, "YOU CALLING ME FAT?"
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] asks, "IS THIS?"
SGT Karla Mikhaylova [Sulaco (Spc)] says, "It's okay to have a little bit of pudge dear."
SGT Karla Mikhaylova [Sulaco (Spc)] says, "Makes you like a marshmallow."
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] says, "Jesus, i not fat."
LCDR Curtis Weeter [Sulaco (CE)] says, "I like some fat ass but... Damn you fat girl"
LCDR Curtis Weeter says, "I like some fat ass but... Damn you fat girl"
CPL Alex Metzer [Sulaco (Med)] says, "M-my boyfriend likes me a little pudgy.. makes it easier to hold me he says."
LT Sorlevis Allenon [Command (BO)] asks, "Commander, what about our mission?"
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] says, "Curtis, i will cut your head off."
SGT Karla Mikhaylova [Sulaco (Spc)] says, "That is adorable."
LCDR Curtis Weeter [Sulaco (CE)] says, "Please do. I want to die."
PFC Maia 'Viper' Archer [Sulaco (Mar)] says, "No one care."
LCDR Curtis Weeter [Sulaco (CE)] says, "I wasn't able to get my anti-depressents this trip around."
LCDR Curtis Weeter [Sulaco (CE)] says, "I remember the bullets flying everywhere."
LCDR Curtis Weeter [Sulaco (CE)] says, "Please end me."


His true colors.

[johners12345]

http://i.picresize.com/URdL

I... I went away for 4 minutes to go make a hotpocket.. It was fine.. Everything was fine.. I came back to this shit storm