Funny, Embarrassing, and General OMG Moments

[TehSpoderman]

The future of Colonial Marines

im scared that this is a legitimate announcement

[driecg36]

Today I dunked on Coroneljones (as jack knight) super hard

>be me
>Warrant officer
>marines have retreated from planet, so command staff doesnt have much to do
>Walk by the basketball court
>idea.jpeg
>I challenge commander to bball game, MP's vs command staff
>We get in our shorts, mp's are red, command is blue
>2v2, a bunch of people are watching
>In the middle of the game, aliens hijack rasp
>"Commander, we need you at the bridge!"
>"I'm fucking busy."
>we're wrecking command super hard, winning 2-0
>Just as the rasp crashes, i weave in between them and dunk the ball
>Jack leaves to allegedly go deal with the rasp
>but i know why he left
>he was sick of getting dunked on

[driecg36]

Oh, and this spawned an amazing idea.

Next time the queen is on the almayer, the commander walks up to it in gym shorts, dribbling a basketball.

"You, me, the court. Let's jam."

Marinejam 2k17

[Tysonix]

Oh, and this spawned an amazing idea.

Next time the queen is on the almayer, the commander walks up to it in gym shorts, dribbling a basketball.

"You, me, the court. Let's jam."

Marinejam 2k17

Then you'll get the really awkward yet absolutely over9000x hilarious moment where the Elite Empress speaks to your mind saying, lets Jam.

[Umber]

PFC Aleks Sanchez says, "Excuse me Umber"
PFC Aleks Sanchez asks, "What ship do I need to go to?"
Aleks Sanchez's right foot flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's right leg flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's left foot flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's left leg flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's groin flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez seizes up and falls limp, their eyes dead and lifeless...
Aleks Sanchez's head flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's left hand flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's left arm flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's right hand flies off in an arc!
Aleks Sanchez's right arm flies off in an arc!
SSGT Mark 'Blitz' Sturmovik [MP (MP)] asks, "WO,are you even listening?"
LT Umber 'Grinder' Hoss says, "..."
ENS Oscar 'The Grouch' Garcia [Command (PO)] says, "Green two arriving back in the hanger, have multiple walking wounded"
LT Umber 'Grinder' Hoss says, "FUCK."
LT Umber 'Grinder' Hoss says, "MATE."
LT Umber 'Grinder' Hoss says, "GOD."

i died laughing, felt so bad tho. couldn't warn him in time.

[Tysonix]

Last nights round of big red, I was part of alpha squad and when the round started I asked my SL for a flamethrower, which he gave me. Once we deployed our task was to scout the eastern part of the colony, its a slow advance to the east because we were being harassed by up to 4 runners the whole time and I was the one getting pounced on 90% of the time due to me having a flamethrower. We somehow end up in the north caves and get lost, and I say East is where I believe Lambda Research is. SL tells me to be point man. and we go RP discovery mode on the Lambda research, find what we believed to be the place where Xenos were created. We told the XO about everything and said it was Weyland-Yutani who made them.

We eventually regroup and get lost on our way to the frontline at cargo. I get FFd and get a broken leg and hand. Then inside one of the buildings the Queen, Praetorian, multiple runners and spitters were in, a person throws a grenade labelled (weed killer) purple smoke goes everywhere on that entrance to the building, the queen makes her move and screeches me to the ground and drags me into the smoke, building was dark, smoke everywhere couldnt see shit, I went CQC mode with a flamer against the Queen, multiple runners and a praetorian and spitters, pure panic mode. Then EVERY marine on the frontline shoots into the building, many of which hitting me. I flame a runner, and somehow walked out of the building. multiple broken bones but get splints. Go back to the frontline......AP to the leg fracture again, I go FUCK IT I NEED A MEDIVAC, FUCK ALL THIS BULLSHIT!. A Charlie medic medivacs me. XO goes into cryo, SL dies, multiple marines die, most people who went with Alpha to Lambda Research was either Dead, SSD or cryo with me being one of the only ones still alive with the info. I tell as many people as I can but nobody believes me RPwise.

I go back down to the planet and possibly find our my IC friend died sometime between the cargo war and my injury, and I find the CL and go "you fuckers did this" Weyland will burn for this! mark my words, or some shit like that. Later on, when we are defending the FOB, an ancient spitter comes, neurotox me and tries to slash drag me away, Many people on the FOB including an M56B MG FFs me hard whilst the spitter slash drags me, I go FUCK IT, SPITTER DIES, I get up and Flamethrower it, Praetorian tries to drag it off and I get neurotoxd, get up and burn the Ancient Spitter to death with the second flame, and Im still being FFd, a squadmate drags me out and takes me to the dropship for medivac where I was teetering between dying and unconscious. Takes 30 minutes for me to be fixed up and it wasnt even fully, was on orange health cause the medbay was lacking doctors compared to wounded. I still try and bring word of Weylands creation of the lizards. And eventually I tell an MP who somewhat believes me, takes me to the Commander in the CIC where I told him everything, he tells me to rest up, get something to eat and get to briefing in 15 minutes. Mercs go rogue somehow and go on a killing spree and Xenos invade.

I survive, getting a pod to expose Weyland Yutani for the creation of Xenomorphs in Lambda Research. This whole round was phenomenal, full of laughter, RP, FF, tension, more RP, confusion, and escape

[GoliathTheDespoiler]

Glorious play all thanks to Elite Drone (4) and Mature Hivelord (264).

>Be carrier ayy, third respawn.
>Had three queens this game. First two didn't know what they were doing.
>SIX AYYS LEFT AGAINST 26 MARINES
>Go to engineering. Find huggers.
>Go a little south to hear Elite Drone (4) found tallhosts in Filtration. (About 4 of them).
>Carry mode engaged
>Infest all but one host. One after the other. Marines didn't know what carriers were since they never saw them before.
>Last host is tackled and huggered by 4.
>The save begins.
>Marines wake up after glorious sisters 4 and 264 fortify filtration. Keep the filthy captialists out.
>Politely inform filthy captialist friends to come save them.
>3 man vanguard moves through the tight corridors of Engineering fo get to filtration.
>Big mistake
>Hugger the lead (no helmet), backed off and waited for friend to try to pull higger off.
>Lebron a hugger at the friend. Had helmet.
>Started dragging of friend. Toss last hugger and infect them both!
>Last guy runs east. Narrow hallway.
>High on W E E D S. Chase after.
>Young Carrier. Get critted after about 7 shots.
>So ends the glorious story of the carrier who could.

[Tysonix]

1e55300379bb1801c6b414f813fcfca0.png

When you manage a final action before bursting

[SagaSword]

1e55300379bb1801c6b414f813fcfca0.png

When you manage a final action before bursting

Good guy Jason. A middle finger a day keeps hell from me away.

[Garrison]

Playing SL on a late night game.

I go to toss an Orbital becon at the Aliens, but I notice my Sadar Spec is taking aim, but regardless, I run ahead to throw it, he fires his rocket and hits me instead of the queen or boiler.

I manage to get revived and put back together, the Specialist goes into Cryo but gives me his Sadar. So when I finally get planetside again, I find an opportunity to shoot the queen when she rushes to scream. I fire the Sadar, and instead hit the person at the Queens feet with a rocket...

Either the Queen that game was EXTREMELY LUCKY, or I am destined to fail horribly when it comes to Sadar's.

[Tysonix]

Playing SL on a late night game.

I go to toss an Orbital becon at the Aliens, but I notice my Sadar Spec is taking aim, but regardless, I run ahead to throw it, he fires his rocket and hits me instead of the queen or boiler.

I manage to get revived and put back together, the Specialist goes into Cryo but gives me his Sadar. So when I finally get planetside again, I find an opportunity to shoot the queen when she rushes to scream. I fire the Sadar, and instead hit the person at the Queens feet with a rocket...

Either the Queen that game was EXTREMELY LUCKY, or I am destined to fail horribly when it comes to Sadar's.

It's not a matter of luck, Fate decided that the queen was not to die by SADAR that day.

[SagaSword]

Playing SL on a late night game.

I go to toss an Orbital becon at the Aliens, but I notice my Sadar Spec is taking aim, but regardless, I run ahead to throw it, he fires his rocket and hits me instead of the queen or boiler.

I manage to get revived and put back together, the Specialist goes into Cryo but gives me his Sadar. So when I finally get planetside again, I find an opportunity to shoot the queen when she rushes to scream. I fire the Sadar, and instead hit the person at the Queens feet with a rocket...

Either the Queen that game was EXTREMELY LUCKY, or I am destined to fail horribly when it comes to Sadar's.

Luck, pffft. I make my OWN luck.

[Imperator_Titan]

>be me.
>be terribad engineer that doesn't deserve to breath air.
>head up to the Almayer after deploying because I forget to eat food and grab a weapon.
>WO attempts to detain me for neglecting my duty.
>Successfully evade the WO and board the blue shuttle in time.
>Find out that the WO has also boarded in search of me.
>Immediately disembark and juke the WO.
>Get cuffed but run away before WO can grab me.
>Run away and find some rebel sympathizer that removes my cuffs which I place inside my backpack.
>WO gets so pissed that he decides to throw a couple flashbangs.
>WO gets stunned by his own flashbang.
>Run up and cuff him.
>Toss him into a locker and weld it with the assistance of another marine.
>Another MP heads planetside, finds me and the locker, immediately unwelds it and out stumbles the sad WO.
>Runningformylife.jpg

https://gyazo.com/a5ee9ad6065737c1e10a806d40102d4a

https://gyazo.com/cf765a91a5d4548a95b2fcabf8bb589b

[TheMusician321]

>be me.
>be terribad engineer that doesn't deserve to breath air.
>head up to the Almayer after deploying because I forget to eat food and grab a weapon.
>WO attempts to detain me for neglecting my duty.
>Successfully evade the WO and board the blue shuttle in time.
>Find out that the WO has also boarded in search of me.
>Immediately disembark and juke the WO.
>Get cuffed but run away before WO can grab me.
>Run away and find some rebel sympathizer that removes my cuffs which I place inside my backpack.
>WO gets so pissed that he decides to throw a couple flashbangs.
>WO gets stunned by his own flashbang.
>Run up and cuff him.
>Toss him into a locker and weld it with the assistance of another marine.
>Another MP heads planetside, finds me and the locker, immediately unwelds it and out stumbles the sad WO.
>Runningformylife.jpg

https://gyazo.com/a5ee9ad6065737c1e10a806d40102d4a

https://gyazo.com/cf765a91a5d4548a95b2fcabf8bb589b

funny thing was the WO managed to catch me who helped weld him in, due to me having the same first name as Imperator I managed to convince the WO that it wasn't me but Imperator who did it who ran away, ran off before he realized his mistake

[SagaSword]

>be me.
>be terribad engineer that doesn't deserve to breath air.
>head up to the Almayer after deploying because I forget to eat food and grab a weapon.
>WO attempts to detain me for neglecting my duty.
>Successfully evade the WO and board the blue shuttle in time.
>Find out that the WO has also boarded in search of me.
>Immediately disembark and juke the WO.
>Get cuffed but run away before WO can grab me.
>Run away and find some rebel sympathizer that removes my cuffs which I place inside my backpack.
>WO gets so pissed that he decides to throw a couple flashbangs.
>WO gets stunned by his own flashbang.
>Run up and cuff him.
>Toss him into a locker and weld it with the assistance of another marine.
>Another MP heads planetside, finds me and the locker, immediately unwelds it and out stumbles the sad WO.
>Runningformylife.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAryFIuRxmQ

[NoahKirchner]

>be me.
>be terribad engineer that doesn't deserve to breath air.
>head up to the Almayer after deploying because I forget to eat food and grab a weapon.
>WO attempts to detain me for neglecting my duty.
>Successfully evade the WO and board the blue shuttle in time.
>Find out that the WO has also boarded in search of me.
>Immediately disembark and juke the WO.
>Get cuffed but run away before WO can grab me.
>Run away and find some rebel sympathizer that removes my cuffs which I place inside my backpack.
>WO gets so pissed that he decides to throw a couple flashbangs.
>WO gets stunned by his own flashbang.
>Run up and cuff him.
>Toss him into a locker and weld it with the assistance of another marine.
>Another MP heads planetside, finds me and the locker, immediately unwelds it and out stumbles the sad WO.
>Runningformylife.jpg

https://gyazo.com/a5ee9ad6065737c1e10a806d40102d4a

https://gyazo.com/cf765a91a5d4548a95b2fcabf8bb589b

Well played. A nice tip is to steal pepper spray from particularly nooby MPs who are being shitlers. Gas masks that you can find protect from pepper spray and if they are nooblets, they probably don't have the proper safety equipment.
stop griffin me

[Garrison]

https://gyazo.com/cf765a91a5d4548a95b2fcabf8bb589b

LCDR Asmodius Smiths comment along with the context of your story, just made my freaking day.

[TheMusician321]

Behold, our glorious basketball game, The xenos wanted to play, the marines wanted to play, but one idiot decided to shoot at a larva which caused the xenos to go in a rage and attack us all, Rip Sentine 454 who tried to play with us. In the fire fight we managed to kill 2 hunters, 1 sentinel, a prae and a hivelord and a rav. It was great.

[Imperator_Titan]

-snip-

Command staff> Engineering team.

[Steelpoint]

-snip-

I was the CO. The MPs that round were half insane and the WO was somehow worse. I was just about to run out and arrest the WO personally after recovering from being murdered by a Elite Hunter that snuck onto CIC (Seems the MPs were to busy arresting you to bother guarding the Almayer) but the round ended.

[Karmac]

I sponsored that slam jam event

[Petchupy88]

I was the CO. The MPs that round were half insane and the WO was somehow worse. I was just about to run out and arrest the WO personally after recovering from being murdered by a Elite Hunter that snuck onto CIC (Seems the MPs were to busy arresting you to bother guarding the Almayer) but the round ended.

The MPs seemed to have vision issues, after I arrived in hangar I left via the south dropship exit and stealthed to the right only for a MP to come running onto my screen as I was moving, he stopped and I stopped and we stared at each other for a while, I assumed he saw me and was getting ready to pounce then he ran off west to security. I stealthed east to below medbay when the exact same thing happened with another MP he ran onto my screen as I was moving (in stealth) he also stopped we stared at each other for about 8 seconds before he ran off west as well. Then I headed south to maintenance and it was easy to reach CIC from there.

[Monoo]

[Renomaki]

Whatever became of the queen that game?

[Monoo]

Biobabe teleported her back into the FOB, just in time to ruin the marines' collective day.