Funny, Embarrassing, and General OMG Moments

[UnknownMurder]

It's too funny to prevent me from sharing this.
https://youtu.be/70eSYVQVBr8

[Tetsip]

[Feweh]

I was a Predator and entered the bridge.. when I entered there were 5 total people, the bridge crew, Liaison and a MP.

No less than 15 second's later about 10 marine's rushed into the bridge. My mission went from a simple, scare the bridge crew and destroy some lights to... how the fuck do I get out of here.

Needless to say, I didn't make it out and hit my Final Countdown. There were a total of 16 Marine death's in the bridge, all because they pilled in and started shooting randomly till I was de-cloaked and brought down.

[johners12345]

Atmosphere major victory!

Results:
Pressure: 2.60739e+011 kPa
Oxygen: 20% (5.61911e+010 moles)
Nitrogen: 79% (2.11389e+011 moles)
Carbon Dioxide: 0% (436992 moles)
Temperature: 20°C
Heat Capacity: 2.38682e+015

[Evilkyle24]

Atmosphere major victory!

Results:
Pressure: 2.60739e+011 kPa
Oxygen: 20% (5.61911e+010 moles)
Nitrogen: 79% (2.11389e+011 moles)
Carbon Dioxide: 0% (436992 moles)
Temperature: 20°C
Heat Capacity: 2.38682e+015

e^11 kpa?

Oh.
Oh shit.

[johners12345]

May these mEn be immortalized forever..
Mason 'Metal Man' Burge says, "Ew.. Orgies are for the depraved.."

Curtis Weeter says, "Genital jamborees are where it's at."
Mason 'Metal Man' Burge says, "Naw.. One on one is the way god intended it.. And it's gooood
Jimmy Garland says, "Yea and i would like a thousand angels blowin a cool mist across me potato sack"
Mason 'Metal Man' Burge says, "Ya all got some kinky needs.."

Michael Rhodes shouts, "Reload your dicks! we gonna fuck them all!"
Thaddeus Maximus shouts, "CHOO CHOO!"
Michael Rhodes shouts, "TODAY WE WILL LUNCH IN HELL!"

[TopHatPenguin]

http://gyazo.com/fca9912b333769c1f6493f6a5dae18e0

[johners12345]

.... Did the floors have toxin damage?

[TheCubscout]

.... Did the floors have toxin damage?

It was probably brute considering how many people trample atop the floors all day.

[johners12345]

Like I said.. I have the weirdest experiences


Degei F. U. Khan
Stardate: Unknown

Mission Notes:

-Captain is nice, shook hands.
-Marines not nice, hostile towards me.
-Captain is douche, yelled at me and told me I was not a special snowflake
-Logistics/Requsitions is well worked
-Medical communication is very good, active channel
-Marine douchebags are total douchebags.
-I need alcohol.
-Help.
-Send alcohol, please.
-I'm begging.

love,
Degei Khan
Attention.. Corporate Lesion F. u. Khan.. We have noted to deduct your pay 20% because of this.. WE realize the USMC can be a bit.. Abrasive, However this should not get in the way of your line of work we trust.. We have a fully stocked alcohol only bar waiting back here for you at the next -oait.. Sorry.. Got a bit of a smudge on the insert paper.. Some tequila got on it.. Perhaps it will copy over with the paper, Perhaps you could lick it off.. Anyways you will continue to remain ULTIMATE secrecy of the truth of this mission.. Our whole entire budget is put on this experiment. Thankyou.. Agent XYZ

Degei Khan begins to cry as he reads the paper, licking the stains of alcohol and then tearing it up, he slams his hands against his nice, wooden desk, screams, then pushes some stuff off of his desk, whips out his pen and paper and begins to scribe a response!
Degei, F. U. Khan
Stardate:TODAY MOTHERFUCKER
Time:NOW

This is Degei, whoever wrote this is a sick prick, and an imposter. You failed to spell "liason" correctly and WeYu doesn't trust the peasant agents to respond, only for fetching coffee and licking our assholes when we demand rimjobs. Get off this line you punk, before I shove my robofist up your ass. If I ever find you, i'll stab you to death with a broken bottle, and force you to drink your grinded innards.

Yours truly,
Degei Khan

.... Liason that was a other alcohol stain.. It appears you are now asking for a FIFTY percent reduction of your pay.. I hope you like janitor duty for after out HEAVILY alcoholic fun party.. This is deeper and more secretive than you Think Liason. If a apology is not recieved Tha pay reductions will be put in place.. Shame.. We were thinking of sending a create full of tequila to you to secretly celebrate your ten years of working with us.. Guess we will have to send it back.

Yours truly,

Pissed off Agent.

Khan, F. U. Khan
Stardate: I WILL HANG YOU MOTHERFUCKER
Time: RIGHT NOW

YOU'VE GOT ONE MORE CHANCE TILL I REQUEST AN ORBITAL STRIKE ON YOUR POSITION, YOU ARE OUT OF PLACE, AGENT. I HAVE FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES, AND ONE OF THE COMPANY'S PARTERS IS MY THIRD COUSIN! I AM HEIR TO MONGOLIA, AND I DEMAND YOU RECALL THAT PAY DEDUCTION OR I WILL RELEASE INFO, I WILL EDWARD SNOWDEN YOUR ASS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME BOY? I AM A KHAN, KHAN OF KHANS, AND I EAT PEOPLE! I BID YOU GOOD DAY

WITH NO FUCKING LOVE,
Degei Khan

... Liaison.. I've just realized the smudge turned the letters High command to Agent.. Not really sure how.. You see.. You've truly fucked up.. You are now un-invited from the Corporate Birthday party... Also we received incident that your third cousin died in a rock climbing accident.. Also Mongolia just renamed them self to Bonzolia.. With a democratic republic society.. Your pay reduction is now 90% and when you get back you are being demoted to bust boy aboard the USS Monacia.. Also you may or may not be facing trial for eating people and for what our shared Camera footage from the NMV Sulaco Just showed us of you gunning down someone.. Also Edward Snowden was a cover up..

Enjoy Your new job

Pissed off High Command Officer

Khan, F. U. Degei
Stardate: fuck
Time: you

I'm starting to become impatient, i'm not sure what retarded 12 year fuckboy picked up these faxes, but i'm contacting your mother and getting the Sulaco to drop a 200lb bomb on your house, you little plebian. I am a big boy business man and I know how life works, go jerk off to pictures of catpeople you little nerd. I'm done here, tracing the signal and reconfiguring this fax machine. We all know Greater Mongolia is ruled by a regen in my stead and my cousin just sent me a fax saying you're a nerd.

eat a blindingly pale dick,
Degei Khan

Title- We lied

Oh sshit.. Yeah uhm. We just hacked into this.. Come on man please don't be like that.. Come on.. we will pay you.. Wait.. What the oh shi-tik!

Attention Corporate Liason of the NMV Sulaco. We have apprehended the Three responsible for this. Turns out their Fathers were low level agent, The other a fork lift driver, The other a scientist who gave one of them access.. Their parents are being given heavy pay cuts for this. You however are being given a 20% Income increase, See you at the corporate party.

Wey-land Yutani Buisness Official


Khan, F. U. Degei
Stardate: Unknown
Time: Unknown

Ah, yes. Thank you for reconfiguring the system, I plan on bringing lots of mongolian ale and vodka to the party. I have only question, do you prefer shemales, catladies or Mongolian women?

aw yis,
Degei Khan

[Siserith Vassada]

*Walks down to hanger and notice i missed the shuttles. wander off towards the wey yu's office to ask him to send the shuttle* *sees marine chewing out the wey yu because marines push eight other marines out of the shuttle doors. and blaming him for the poor design that allowed it* *i start chewing out the other marine* *he insults me* *i say that if he insults me i will break down the window and beat him up* *he insults me again* *i shoot out window with shotgun* *liaison is just staring watching* *me and the other marine proceed to run around the room punching each other and throwing things at each other* *mp shows up walks in. and begins laying down stun revolver fire hitting me and the liaison* *i disarm the mp and empty his revolver into his groin and then cuff him with his own cuffs* *me and the other guy proceed to chase each other some more throwing things* *seconds mp shows up and watches* * i give up and we stop fighting* *i leave out the broken window and release the mp i arrested with the other one just watching* *i get on shuttle and the mp i captured sends it apologizing for shooting me* *liason calling over radio for a janitor and various marines screaming over the radio for help and that the fob is under attack* all in all a good day.

[TheCubscout]

*liason calling over radio for a janitor

People are requesting it.

#bringjanitorback

[TopHatPenguin]

.... Did the floors have toxin damage?

No idea it was just really weird..

[Siserith Vassada]

i got disarmed while holding a bazooka. it went of in the struggle

[Sebro]

Getting kidnapped by the Liason after fighting with someone in their room, got a pAI to open the door, shot the Liason into crit, and was tooken away by the MPs. They would not believe my side of the story, and I was brigged for 30 minutes.

[UnknownMurder]

IT'S WHAT THEY WANT! TO BE HUNTED!

[Sargeantmuffinman]

120 players.................

Most of them are marines...........

[Derpislav]

Not even death stands between me and my smokes.

[Sargeantmuffinman]

I HAVE DONE IT!





BON APPETIT!

[UltimateGuy112]

Me and another guy get stuck in an alien nest:
Raymond Buzzard: So... You here long
Beau Coldsmith: Dunno man, this thing was fucking my face for hours...
Beau Coldsmith sneezes.

Raymond Buzzard: Bless you.
Beau Coldsmith: You too.

Both dies after three or two minutes.

[Mitchs98]

https://gyazo.com/61b17f4a6ee5baa81d95251a4ffc52f9

30 marines.

One pod.

Of course one guy farts, another vomits, and two die.

Marines secretly clowns confirmed.

[Derpislav]

I've been sitting directly across a marine that kept raising and lowering his binoculars.

Lockie Hughes: ...Are you using that to stare at my breasts?
Marine: I would need a microscope for that, Hughes.
Lockie Hughes holds up the advanced burn kit.

[UnKuT]

Jonathan Sunderland(as Jonathan Sunderland) stammers, "O-ORANGE YOU GLAD I D-DIDNT SAY BANANA"

Jonathan Sunderland(as Jonathan Sunderland) stutters, "HITLER WAS A-AN I-INSIDE JOB"

^^ Johnathan's famous last words

[Sligneris]

Aliens preparing to raid pre-Alpha Sulaco.

[Sargeantmuffinman]

All lined up and ready to fire.

Also....

"Aiden Newton attempts to feed Sentinel (503) the xenoburger."

"Aiden Newton feeds the Sentinel (503) the xenoburger."

I made one a cannibal.