Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

ColonelCorazon · Post by **ColonelCorazon** » 03 Mar 2018, 21:16

Your Byond Key: ColonelCorazon

Your Character Name: Wanda Fisher

Their Byond key: Feweh

Approximate time and date of the incident (Central Us Time for best results): Beginning Feb. 10th

Which Staff Protocols (viewtopic.php?f=57&t=5647) were broken: Not remaining professional (inappropriate behavior towards a player). Fails to preserve the enjoyment of the server here (I honestly don't feel comfortable playing here currently, and doubt I'll ever rejoin the Discord's voicechat).

Description of the incident: This is ongoing.

On Feb 10th I joined CM's Discord voicechat channel. It happened to be right before an event so there were a lot of people on. All of them dudes. Not a big deal since I'm usually in the vast minority in this situation anyways. It was awkward. But for the most part we moved on. Even though Feweh immediately asked if I was single/married (uh dude what the christ I thought, laughing out loud because I couldn't stand the tension and didn't want to be seen a bitch for not taking it as a joke. Hahaha the awkwardness and hey maybe he meant it as a joke I'll send him a Beyonce link back via PM as a joke hahaha this is all funny right?).

Within that week Feweh proceeded to refer to me in VC as a slut several times, most notably entering the VC asking “HOW'S MY NUMBER ONE SLUT” to the complete stunned silence of the chat. Hahaha laugh laugh don't let them think you're a bitch. But this hit me in the stomach. This isn't right. I don't like this. I don't join VC for a few days and Feweh OOC's in CM to the effect of asking where I've been and calling me a slut. I was literally too stunned to think to screenshot it. But I know other people remember this happening. I get join a special round as a combat synth (2/12?) – Wanda – and he and others joke about me being the “pleasure model.” I wish I had told them to knock it off because the joke drags on but I laugh it off. I PM Feweh again joking trying to make light of it. But it doesn't make me feel better.

I consult with a mentor because this is bothering me and I feel like shit and I don't just want to leave the server. And I need to make myself clear. I don't want to cause drama so I PM Feweh privately on 2/17 explaining how he's treating me makes me feel like shit and to stop calling me a slut. He tells me he's just busting my balls, didn't mean to insult me, and is sorry. Okay. I take his words at face value. I'm not comfortable going back to VC immediately but I sincerely believe Feweh so I do.

I shouldn't have gone back. Because not long after I do there's an exchange that makes it all worse. Another player (who's name I won't mention) comes into our channel to compliment me for my performance as SL. Right as they're finished saying it and I'm about to thank the player Feweh interrupts telling the other player “you just want her to suck your dick.”

I'm mad at myself because I didn't call him out then and there. I was angry. I was upset. I felt sick. And the other player immediately left the channel and we were all silent for a few beats. I think my response was simply “UUUHHH” and I didn't know what to do. Feweh could ban me at any time. I don't want to leave this community because of one person. But that one person is profoundly powerful. I don't want to be in VC anymore. I don't recall if I joined VC once or not at all after that but anytime I've thought of it since I check to see if Feweh's online. And I've decided it's not worth it. I won't rejoin. It was a mistake. But why do I feel like I was the one who made a mistake?

At this point I'm not in VC anymore, but a player who still is messaged me on 2/27 about a conversation that took place. Someone in the channel asked why I wasn't joining VC anymore. Feweh told everyone that I was upset because of his jokes. And that also makes me feel like shit, because the conversation I had with Feweh was in private. And from the conversation, which I'll post below, I get the feeling he doesn't get why his behavior was wrong. I can't personally guarantee the accuracy of the log because I was not present, but it's extremely unprofessional to bring up a private conversation in a public conversation. At this point, I can't play CM. I learned about the convo on 2/28 and just feel awful about it all. Frankly, I posted my dossier specifically on 2/28 as a swan song because I don't see any of this ending well for me and it was an opportunity for me to express how much I enjoy being part of CM.

I have since spoke with Apop privately. Feweh is aware of my report to Apop.

Evidence (screenshots, logs, etc): I have removed names because I respect the conversations I've had in confidence with other members of this community. They are more than welcome to speak out on their own, but I don't want to risk any retribution by posting their names here.

Entire conversation history I've had with Feweh:

► Show Spoiler

Redacted log from 2/28 – player telling me what Feweh said in VC:

► Show Spoiler

How you would punish the accused: I've only played for about two months. Feweh seems like a good admin but he is underestimating the impact his words and actions are having on me and the message they send to other players. Ultimately, I'm just a normal player and he's one of the most powerful people in the community. I have done nothing wrong but I fully anticipate retribution. This probably isn't a fair expectation on my part, but it's something I've learned to expect when I've spoken out against my own mistreatment and that of others on other servers in the past. I tried to handle this privately and respectfully but he brought this into Discord with other players, showing me he either doesn't actually understand what I was telling him or he didn't genuinely feel bad about it. It is unacceptable for someone, especially as some in his position, to treat a player like this. Feweh should to be banned from Discord and at a minimum demodded. After being aware that I complained to Apop he apologized again. And I really want to believe him. I don't want to to think the worst of someone. But I have no reason to trust him anymore.

I feel like there's absolutely nothing I can do in this situation as a player. I don't know if there's an outcome where I can start playing CM again, whether I made this report or not. But I guarantee you that this behavior is occurring elsewhere other the server because the attitude your staff displays sets a precedent. There's a reason no women join your voicechat and there's a reason I haven't joined any voicechats outside my own server in five years. I hate that the takeaway here from me is that it was a mistake to join. That I was fucking stupid to think it would ever be a good idea to join another voicechat group. That it was a mistake for me to try to engage further in this community. I hate that the feeling I have is that I did something wrong. Because I didn't. I didn't do anything wrong at all.

CaptainYankee · Post by **CaptainYankee** » 03 Mar 2018, 21:19

Note on Feb 10th Incident: Feweh immediately asked if Wanda* was married or not, then proceeded to follow-up with a clarification as to whether there was a goalkeeper he needed to get past. The implication being obvious, unsavory, and inappropriate. The good times we were having took an awkward turn and it silenced most of the members of the channel for the rest of the period (including Feweh).
*He specified Wanda. At the time I, and many others, responded by informing Feweh of the number of divorces (the character) Wanda had. Despite this, I felt very uneasy about the exchange, and I didn’t think the original question was meant as an attempt to roleplay.

Note on the second incident: I remember being the first one to speak after Feweh joined and silenced the channel with this comment. I pointed out that we had recently had a chat about attitudes towards an upcoming female staff member(In Slack). Feweh dismissed my protest by stating " I AM SLACK". Corazon laughed very loudly at this rebuttal. But immediately we discussed the situation in PMs and it was clear she was uncomfortable and was unsure what to do about it. I advised her on a number of options and she chose to PM Feweh about it. At the time I had believed they’d worked the issue out.

Note on the Feb 20th incident: Corazon had decided by this point that the main general channel was not ideal. My own reasons including but not limited to this issue. We were talking in one of the other available rooms. Maybe 2 or 3 people were in the room with us (including Feweh who had not been speaking up until this point) when a player joined the room to compliment Corazon on her job as squad leader in the previous round. As soon as the player finished what he was saying, Feweh suddenly cut everyone else off with: “[Player] give it a rest, She’s not going to suck your dick over it.”* The good mood from winning the previous round, as well as any celebration over Corazon stepping up as SL for the first time and doing well was gutted.
*mostly paraphrased except “She’s not going to suck your dick”.

Much to the disappointment of many community members, this would be the last time ColonelCorazon would be in the voice chat. I’d like to note that out of the maybe 6 attempts to join in the discord channel, in 3 of those attempts she was made to feel unwelcome by Feweh. Despite only being a recent addition to the server myself I feel I can make the judgement that Corazon has made a positive impact on the community. After receiving notice from an unnamed player that Feweh had been speaking about her behind her back to other members of the community, Corazon’s playtime ceased completely. I can’t help but notice some of the effects when I get on, and my own motivation to continue participating in the community is rapidly diminishing

Emeraldblood · Post by **Emeraldblood** » 03 Mar 2018, 21:36

Let me just remind everyone of Rule 2 before this gets going.

Do NOT post in a complaint if you are not contributing as a witness. If you are going to post as a character witness (for or against), keep it simple and easy to read. I don't want complaints to be "flame wars"

This isn't to suppress people talking about it, you can talk about it anywhere else, but these are the rules for official reports.

Post by **Feweh** » 03 Mar 2018, 21:47

Corazon wrote: ↑
03 Mar 2018, 21:16
On Feb 10th I joined CM's Discord voicechat channel. It happened to be right before an event so there were a lot of people on. All of them dudes. Not a big deal since I'm usually in the vast minority in this situation anyways. It was awkward. But for the most part we moved on. Even though Feweh immediately asked if I was single/married (uh dude what the christ I thought, laughing out loud because I couldn't stand the tension and didn't want to be seen a bitch for not taking it as a joke. Hahaha the awkwardness and hey maybe he meant it as a joke I'll send him a Beyonce link back via PM as a joke hahaha this is all funny right?).

This is most likely true, but it was insignificant and just general chat that yourself followed up on as you even PMed me personally afterwards about it. (As evident the PMs you posted)

Corazon wrote: ↑
03 Mar 2018, 21:16
Within that week Feweh proceeded to refer to me in VC as a slut several times, most notably entering the VC asking “HOW'S MY NUMBER ONE SLUT” to the complete stunned silence of the chat. Hahaha laugh laugh don't let them think you're a bitch. But this hit me in the stomach. This isn't right. I don't like this. I don't join VC for a few days and Feweh OOC's in CM to the effect of asking where I've been and calling me a slut. I was literally too stunned to think to screenshot it. But I know other people remember this happening. I get join a special round as a combat synth (2/12?) – Wanda – and he and others joke about me being the “pleasure model.” I wish I had told them to knock it off because the joke drags on but I laugh it off. I PM Feweh again joking trying to make light of it. But it doesn't make me feel better.

Wanda I only ever called you a "slut" a single time and it was the initial comment that I apologized for. I also was NOT part of this "Pleasure Model" talk, this was the rest of chat.
Edit: May of said it before you spoke to me about it. However I instantly stopped after you directly confronted me about the discomfort.

Corazon wrote: ↑
03 Mar 2018, 21:16
I consult with a mentor because this is bothering me and I feel like shit and I don't just want to leave the server. And I need to make myself clear. I don't want to cause drama so I PM Feweh privately on 2/17 explaining how he's treating me makes me feel like shit and to stop calling me a slut. He tells me he's just busting my balls, didn't mean to insult me, and is sorry. Okay. I take his words at face value. I'm not comfortable going back to VC immediately but I sincerely believe Feweh so I do.

As you provided, we did speak about a comment I made that made you uncomfortable yes.

Corazon wrote: ↑
03 Mar 2018, 21:16
I shouldn't have gone back. Because not long after I do there's an exchange that makes it all worse. Another player (who's name I won't mention) comes into our channel to compliment me for my performance as SL. Right as they're finished saying it and I'm about to thank the player Feweh interrupts telling the other player “you just want her to suck your dick.”

I believe this did transpire, but the context really isn't fair to me and is pushing your agenda for the complaint. While I did say something like this, it was men't more as "You're really sucking up to her hard about her SL skills" and I specifically said something a long the lines of I've seen Wanda SL before shes not that great.

Corazon wrote: ↑
03 Mar 2018, 21:16
At this point I'm not in VC anymore, but a player who still is messaged me on 2/27 about a conversation that took place. Someone in the channel asked why I wasn't joining VC anymore. Feweh told everyone that I was upset because of his jokes. And that also makes me feel like shit, because the conversation I had with Feweh was in private. And from the conversation, which I'll post below, I get the feeling he doesn't get why his behavior was wrong. I can't personally guarantee the accuracy of the log because I was not present, but it's extremely unprofessional to bring up a private conversation in a public conversation. At this point, I can't play CM. I learned about the convo on 2/28 and just feel awful about it all. Frankly, I posted my dossier specifically on 2/28 as a swan song because I don't see any of this ending well for me and it was an opportunity for me to express how much I enjoy being part of CM.

This is true, except I specifically said "I feel bad as Wanda took offense to my comment about calling her my #1 Slut". I explained the situation and told the group (Apop was there at the time too) that I can be insensitive and very blunt and it often works against me at times. I then made another joke about the situation that anyone there at the time can attest I was just joking.

Wanda, I genuinely want to say I'm fucking sorry.
In no way have I EVER intentionally wanted you to feel uncomfortable in anyway, shape or form. In fact my comments initially stemmed from the fact that I thought we were "cool/chill" enough that I could joke around with you. Over-time you become more comfortable with people and I assumed incorrectly you where open to these type of comments/jokes, you aren't and it was a mistake.

With that said though, I really feel like you've taken EVERY little instance of anything I've said to heart. I don't know if this is to further this report or if you're generally bothered by it all.
Discord is filled with individuals who routinely insult each-other, crack jokes, make fun and consistently call each-other gay. It consistently translates through all our conversations and has no prejudice between guys, girls or whatever gender you may be. This is a fault of mine, as I should've realized that joking around with another player about them being my #1 slut might not be as good of a thing to say to a Female.

To clarify though Wanda, I have never harassed you intentionally or sought you out. I've never messaged you personally, other than to apologize and I've never made any in-game attempts or out of game attempts to say any inappropriate messages to you. (Other than the initial comment in Discord)

I think you can easily agree that while what I said isn't great, there was by no means any harmful or malicious intent behind it and was purely coincidental and "in the moment".

Post by **Feweh** » 03 Mar 2018, 22:08

To add on to this, I personally feel that your second-hand information is widely incorrect and purposely blowing things out of proportion.

Specifically;
Player-Today at 6:01 PM
Uhh well he was rather mean about it
Didn’t understand why it was insulting
When it was apparently a joke
“Apparently”
Though it was either him or [OTHER PLAYER] who... uhh said something just as insulting afterword :/

Player-Today at 6:08 PM
Someone asked why Wanda doesn’t join, he said it was probably because “I called her my number 1 slut”
Then it went into stuff about uhh shit I believe I asked if he seriously did that, he said yeah. I mean it’s probably true if they felt bad about the joke. Then he said you messaged him about it hurting your feelings... which first of all
Is kinda a dick thing to bring up a private convo to the chat
That’s as much as I can remember before I left cuz I found it too irritating to stay and listen to them
I’m not lying but dunno if shit got mixed up between the two parts I mentioned. I just hope you’re doing alright

This is so blatantly false and this individually is intentionally starting shit to upset you. In fact just reading it shows clear signs of that individual prodding you for a reaction to upset you.

The entire conversation of this opened with me telling them how I felt BAD and terrible for making you feel uncomfortable. No one asked "Wheres Wanda been", I simply stated that I fucked up and said something bad to you and felt bad about it. I did crack a joke about it though, which is poor in taste but the entire conversation stemmed from me feeling bad and expressing this.

This player attempts to play something that I actually did out of regret.. into something malicious, this is false.

There are enough people who were there during the group conversation that can attest to the truth of this and this player is lying.

Bancrose · Post by **Bancrose** » 04 Mar 2018, 00:16

Right to start this off I've been present for about all of these so Wanda I want you to know that this response is actually serious and I'm not memeing you.

Now Wanda I can recall that we once had a discussion about me role playing as a Nazi and how it might affect some people and I was genuinely interested in what you had to say about that despite you not believing I cared. Now I know you as a person at heart is gentle, kind and generally a nice person so I wont try to insult you or harm you with what I say below.

Now on to the topic of Feweh as I was present both times of those incidents I will say that as a person in Feweh's profession. It can make you a bit insensitive due to the things you see, Constant death and horrific things like that might desensitize in you whole as a person. As most guys in that profession and around that age we are prone to speak in the sense of locker room talk which is generally vulgar and insensitive to most things. It can come off as disrespectful and disgusting talk to those who haven't done any sports or any related activities at that.

Now on the actual comment. I've only ever heard Feweh call you a slut once. As I was present with Feweh during all those encounters. I don't think he personally called you the pleasure Model but that was probably one of the other resident glue sniffers in that discord chat. To my knowledge Feweh was actually sorry for what he said but I think this is the only time he has said it. Perhaps other people might have said it but I am not sure

To back this claim I do speak to Feweh daily, and actually and me and him have a good relationship. We throw things at each other back and forth but its all meant to be in a joking sense because this is how we generally talk in that chat. We don't really get offended at anything really as both of us are quite care free people. That might not matter or have any meaning to you but it has relevance to why we might say the things we say.

One thing that I have noticed that there are a lot of the women that DON'T come into that voice chat for simple reasons as we are fucking disgusting. I don't really blame you to be honest but you cannot ask us to change the way we talk as none of us think its breaking the rules and Apophis, Feweh and other admins are there making sure that the things we say or do never reach a point where its gone too far.

To add onto that Wanda, most of the time you laugh it off so we cannot really tell that its bothering you and if you had voiced your discomfort on that first incident it might have changed a lot of things. The only time I've seen you like this was regarding about me role playing as a German Nazi Officer. Otherwise I cannot really tell if you're serious or not and I think most of the other guys cannot tell either.

So to finish this wall of text off, if something is bothering you. It doesn't matter if it makes you look like a bitch or whatever. You just need to stop it right than it there if it bothers you. Otherwise we will never know where the line is drawn and this sort of behavior will continue.

Stripetail · Post by **Stripetail** » 04 Mar 2018, 19:10

Hey Wanda, sorry to see how badly this affected your view of the voice chats.

I was a witness to these events and can speak as a character witness on Feweh's side, I wish I could do the same for you, but I haven't spoken to you personally at all.

From what I've read of the personal logs and my experiences with Feweh I too can attest that he really felt bad for offending you. After you left the chat he repeatedly said he thought he fucked up and upset you, and that he thought you wouldn't take offense to a comment like that. You did the right thing in telling Feweh how it upset you and he genuinely didn't try to start anything with you after that point, someone else in the chat asked him why you hadn't come back and he said it was because of what he said. That's not an unreasonable thing to say even if you conversed about it in private, he accepts that he fucked up and that it was the reason you haven't returned.

The discord chat is filled with people who hop on semi regularly and jab at each other constantly, those that have been on it longer should know this better than anyone as once you've chatted and generally hung out with a group for long enough you relax bout them and say things you would never say to someone you've just met. I think that your experience got marred, I know that Feweh didn't mean to insult you with what he said as that's just the nature of the voice chat. I can't tell you how many times we've called each other names and insulted each other, made statements that are obscene and just plain stupid just because we trust that the people on the other end of the mic isn't taking it seriously at all, and he DID genuinely stop after you messaged him.

I feel that the player you spoke with was really taking things out of context, because the only time Feweh ever spoke of you again was when he was asked why you wouldn't return to the voice chat. His reply was "Because I called her my #1 slut." I think that the person who fed you all those messages could have been a lot clearer, but I honestly think that they were just trying to buddy up to you and white knight. The reason most of the people in the chat weren't openly chastising Feweh for what he said is because he literally did not treat you any different than he's treated all of us, if anything the silence was more that the moment you left the room got awkward because someone had been upset enough to leave. We're not there to fight battles for others or make huge stinks about small things, we're just there to laugh about and have fun. It just sucks that this killed the experience for you.

I don't think that Feweh did anything here worth the punishments you're requesting, he's been with this server for years and is probably the #1 target for most players to salt at, through it all still taking time to give players events and process applications/appeals while overseeing admins and moderators alike. He rarely gets thanked for the work he does, along with most of the admins on this server, or the Dev team. I'm sorry that you feel so offended and hurt by what happened, but it really wasn't as terrible a thing as you're making this out to be, it's being blown far out of proportion. If you don't want to join the voice chat after this that is your choice, but it isn't all as terrible as this report is making it out to be, there's several black/gay/trans people who are on it and of all of them I know I don't think any of us have ever been so offended by something said by another that it makes us leave the chat forever. If we're offended we bring it up and that's usually the end of whatever that topic was. I don't think this should be treated any different than that just because you're a woman, and I feel that's getting to be the main focus of this report.

Sorry for the wall of text, I agree that Feweh fucked up and offended you, however I also know they felt bad for doing it. I don't agree that they should have the punishment you're requesting applied to them as this really doesn't seem like it warrants it.

After new events have come to light, don't know what to say, rather than delete and pretend I didn't say anything i'll just strike through.

Torrentia · Post by **Torrentia** » 04 Mar 2018, 23:15

As one of the few other women that use the CM discord and very occasionally the VC channel, I can attest to the wildly inappropriate and off-base behavior that is directed towards female players in this community. While I personally haven't interacted with Feweh one-on-one, the general vitriol slung around by the playerbase matches Wanda's account very closely. People are already rushing to call Wanda "the Feweh killer" for making this report, and I am very disappointed to see that this is what happens when inappropriate behavior is reported.

Post by **Rahlzel** » 04 Mar 2018, 23:19

Feweh has been removed from staff as a result of this report.

Corazon, the other head staff and I apologize for what happened between you and Feweh. We also apologize to the players in the community that were directly affected by this incident. CM is far from perfect, but we try to hold it to a high standard of fun and propriety. We don't often succeed, but we hope this will correct a part of it.

Feweh is still welcome as a player and will retain his whitelist roles. He has been instrumental in CM's advancement over the past two years and we sincerely appreciate it. What's done is done and now we move on.

Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior

Re: Feweh - Inappropriate behavior