Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

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Urytion
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Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 11 Aug 2018, 12:38

Guys. Every time high command asks me to write a guide, I die a little inside. I really do. These hurt me. Not only do I have to think, but it also pains me to realise how few of you actually know what the fuck you're doing. Seriously. I thought we were past this. But when I see A MEDIC ODing HIMSELF ON THREE DIFFERENT MEDICINES AT A SINGLE TIME, I know that my time has come. I swear by the glory that is buckshot, you'll learn, or die trying. Seriously. Learn or I will shoot you. I'm gonna assume you already know how to actually do things like give pills and activate your stretchers, because if you don't, I'm guessing you also can't read, write, think for yourself, or wipe your own arse.

So get comfortable, pull up a chair, put on your favourite dunce cap, get your favourite flavoured crayons, and remember: Medics are Trash. And so am I.

MEDIC LOADOUT

Right. I see too many medics with Barrel Chargers. Let me explain to you why you're fucking retarded. You are a medic. If you're doing your job right, you will make it through most of the battle without going through a single clip. You will be up to your fucking waist in wounded, you'll have other squaddies to protect you (unless you/they are also retarded), and you'll probably be in a safe position anyway. Let the Dungas get those chargers. You won't get as good value out of such a limited resource as they will.

On the note of clips, STOP CARRYING M4A1s! It's a good gun, sure. But you know what's better? Shotguns. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those weird shotgun fetishists that make it kinda awkward to enter the extended bunks after we finish weapon maintenance, BUT they are damn good for scaring off enemies. Your job is not to kill or chase enemies. Your job is to protect your wounded and yourself to continue treatment. To that end, the stun you get from slugs, or the burst damage you get from buckshot, should be your go to choices. And again, if you're doing your job right, you'll be well protected. The only time you'll really have to fire is if shit is in the fan and the enemy is up your asshole. You know what goes great in close quarters? Shotguns.

So now for the part we've all been waiting for. The actual loadout. Take everything from your standard vendor. For your choices of belt and bag, you want a lifesaver belt and a satchel respectively. Lifesaver belt is considerably larger and comes with a fuckload of medicine, and satchel is great for quick access. A satchel has plenty of space for everything you'll need, and every second can count. Also, you'll want to be able to have a defib in hand, with your shotgun ready in case some mean UPP bastard tries to jump you. For pouches, take two medical pouches. Medkit pouch is fine if you want to take a second advanced medkit, but honestly I don't see the point. You will very rarely go through that many trauma packs and the points cost can be put to better use.

To the medical vendor, you have 45 points to spend. I'm just gonna list purchases.
  • Essential Medic Set (you're not funny). All of it into the satchel except your scanner which goes into a medical pouch.
  • Medical Splints into the lifesaver bag
  • Bicaridine x3, one into the lifesaver, one into each pouch.
  • Kelotane x3 as above
  • Tramadol x2 one into a pouch and one into webbing.
  • Stasis Bag into your webbing
  • Roller Bed into your sathchel
This leaves you with 1 point. Spend it on an injector and jab a PFC with it and tell them it's poison. It'll be funny. For your freebie attachment, take a gyroscopic stabiliser if you're a real man that uses buckshot, or if you're a slug boy, take a gyroscopic stabiliser and some buckshot. Fuck you. You'll have a little bit of space in your satchel, so go steal a second defib from medbay. They won't miss it. There's also one free space in your webbing at this point. Fill it with a special medicine from medbay. I recommend tricordrazine pills.

Put your buckshot in your armour, knife in your boots, knife in your mouth, bayonet on the shotgun, get going. From requisitions, ask for a mag harness and a stock. Mag harnesses are great. Your shotgun is your only defense. You can't drop it under any circumstances. Stocks for that extra CQC boost. Again, only time you'll be fighting is if it's ass the wall time.

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This is the ideal medic. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

FIELD TREATMENT

What medicine does what could not be simpler. High command realised none of you dumbfucks could read, so they colour coded the pill bottles. When that didn't work, they made our scanners tell you what to do. WHEN THAT DOESN'T WORK, I WRITE GUIDES ON HOW TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB. If you're still confused, read this. (wiki/Guide_to_Medicine#General_Diagnostics). If you're still confused, jump out an airlock. We do not need you.

Let's lay down some basic fucking rules. There should only be one medic treating a marine at a time. If you see a medic treating someone, fuck off. Too many medics on one patient create overdoses. Drag your patient back from the frontline. Tell other medics to fuck off. If they're retarded and insist on treating, just STOP PUTTING PILLS IN THEM. Your idiot co-medic will inevitably start putting drugs in them, and you will OD your patient. If you absolutely must team treat, tell the other medic what you're doing. Best thing to do when in doubt is just use trauma packs. No risk of ODing then.

When you're giving marines pills, give them one. Increasing the dosage to two pills doesn't speed it up, it just makes the effect last longer. And all but the most severe of wounds (which usually require evac anyway) will be fixed up with one pill.

Remember, your job is not necessarily to cure everything that ails a marine. Your job is to get them back into fighting position so they can keep up the job you're doing, or so they can survive long enough to evac. With that in mind, here are some basic guidelines about when to evac.

INSTANT EVAC:
Severe organ damage resulting in high oxy or toxin damage.
Internal Bleeding.
Severe brain damage.
Blindness.
3 or more broken bones.
Missing limbs.
Unwanted pregnancy. Only fools don't wrap their tools.

OFFER TO EVAC:
Two or more broken bones.
20 oxy damage from organ damage.
Broken chest, groin, or head. These can result in organ damage if their splints break.

DON'T EVAC:
Medics unless they ask or meet an instant evac criteria. Medics should know when they need evac, and can self treat. Also you might need their help.
Burn Damage.
One broken bone.

You don't need to cryobag in most instances. If medivac is busy, or if the evac point is far away, then stasis bag them. But always treat things. If they have organ damage, give them dexalin and peridaxon. IB? Give them the QC. Just because they're getting evac'd is not an excuse to not treat them.

DEFIBBING

Okay. That's treatment. So now what happens when someone dies? You defib them. The defibrillator revives marines who have a total area damage below 200. Each hit with the defib heals a little and removes all critical oxygen loss. If after that they're below 200, they'll revive. And probably almost immediately die again. This is fine. The defib can only work for a few minutes after death. If you can get a pulse from someone for even a second, you reset that timer. So your next step is to pump them full of every drug known to mankind to keep them from dying. Or at least all the relevant ones. You'll want to give them inaprovaline to prevent critical oxygen damage, then the relevant damage treatment drugs. If they've been defibbed, they'll probably also need an evac.

But what do you do if they're above 200 when you get them? You use your ATKs to get them below 200, then defib, then do as above. If they're above 200 and you defib before treating, you're really just wasting charges. Defibs are hard to resupply. Treat defib marines like an evac case. Put enough drugs in them to stabilise, zap them, then put them aside for now, if you're in a safe place. If you're not, zap them awake, fuck stabilising them. Let them die, and just drag the corpse back to a safe location. Resetting that timer is vital. Keeping them alive afterwards is not if it endangers you.

If someone died of burn damage, strip their UNIFORM. People cook in their uniforms and take extra burn damage even after the fire has been extinguished. This is why that guy you were treating suddenly husked.

Behaviour on the field

There is a simple rule for treatment: The medic is always right. If you tell someone to evac and they refuse, they are wrong. Let them die of their wounds. It's not your problem. If someone comes in with tiny damage and you tell them to shove it, you're right.

Remember, you are a medic, not a PFC. You are not supposed to unga the dunga. You are there to keep everyone else engaing the dunga.

When shit hits the fan, you should work on a priority system. All marines are equal but some are more equal than others. Medics are the most important. If you can get another medic back on their feet, you just doubled your medical output (unless the medic is in alpha in which case you just doubled your workload.) Next are your specialists and smartgunners. They have special equipment that no one else can use. Their revival is a guaranteed boost to the marines. SLs, Engineers, and PFCs are last. SLs are just ungas with slightly shinier armour, and if shit has hit the fan so hard you're needing to rely on this system, your engineer probably won't have the time to set up any good defenses. Command staff is always last. Fuck command. Steal their berets. Steal the mateba. Shoot the CO! MUTINY! Don't do this. -High Command.

Your priority is always stabilisation. Once a marine is stable, you can treat other marines. Let them lie there and be unable to fight for a bit. The front will hold without nameless mindless PFC number 38932. It might not if you let all your other patients die because 38932 is taking up all your attention. Stabilise, then get people back in the fight.

Remember to tell the pilots the names of your medivac people, and give them a priority. Have they got IB, missing limbs, brain damage, and 4 broken bones? Better tell them that guy needs out NOW. Missing a limb? Tell them which limb so medbay can print it in advance.

And remember, you shouldn't be dragging marines very far. If you're in the middle of a fight and a marine gets wounded, get them to a safe space and treat them. If they need to go back to the FOB, get a PFC to do it. You're needed there.

Congratulations! You finished reading this guide and are now hopefully a good enough medic! Or you skipped to the end, and you’re an idiot. The important thing is, there’s now no excuse. If I see you OD someone, you get thrown down the req elevator.
-Tracee <3 XOXOXOXOXO
╭∩╮( ͡° ل͟ ͡° )╭∩╮
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sw4gbag
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by sw4gbag » 11 Aug 2018, 20:24

Good guide, one thing medics often forget or are too lazy to do, is salve ALL burns with burn kits. Any burn over 5 should be treated before you revive someone, kelotane pills, like all time, take time to get in the bloodstream, so if you have enough time, heal the brute damage then heal the burn damage.
Another small tip to carry more injectors, spawn a regular first aid kit and grab the syringe kit and empty it, you can now fit three injectors in there and place it in most storage places. You can get some more from medical.

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Sora9567 » 11 Aug 2018, 20:58

Thanks for the write-up. I was actually thinking of trying out being a medic considering half the time I'm a marine I spend my time either dragging wounded marines out of danger or making sure Marines that need to be medevaced actually survive the journey to the LZ.
Usually playing as Darwin 'D.J.' Jefferson, PFC (Private: Flare Carrier), or Smartgunner almost always out of ammo. Occasionally an RO who yearns for death, dealing with rampant jackassery of his coworkers.
Against my better judgement I decided to start making Youtube videos involving Colonial Marines. Channel
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Simo94 » 12 Aug 2018, 01:51

Hello, perma-PFC scrublord over here, just dropping by to say thank you as I genuinely didnt know I could put bootknife on the mask slot.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Loco52 » 16 Aug 2018, 13:47

Dont trust tracee all he does is distribute drugs
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Avalanchee » 30 Aug 2018, 15:20

Stock
A stock
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They are actually very balanced. The difference is ya get marines who think they can rambo a xeno and when they die, they get all salty about it.Mizari 10/12/2018, Xeno mutators
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Mikotoba » 15 Sep 2018, 21:28

I don't take much stock in your attachment recommendations, no siree.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 16 Sep 2018, 01:24

Mikotoba wrote:
15 Sep 2018, 21:28
I don't take much stock in your attachment recommendations, no siree.
The stock is controversial. I can see why people would want to go without it. Mag harness, gyro, and bayonet are pretty much non negotiable though. Bayonet is just good. Mag harness is so important if you're only carrying one weapon. Gyro is honestly just to stop the annoying screen shake when you fire one handed.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by butters742 » 08 Dec 2018, 18:40

Any idea what to do when the persons above 400 damage. Getting that damage down to 200 is tough

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Grubstank » 09 Dec 2018, 10:51

butters742 wrote:
08 Dec 2018, 18:40
Any idea what to do when the persons above 400 damage. Getting that damage down to 200 is tough
Personally I've always just carried two defibs. That way you can be as wasteful as you please and almost never run out of defib charges. And if you do run out, by that time there's gonna be a half dozen permadead medics scattered around the map to loot for theirs.

Just get them down as far as possible with kits, and repeatedly shock. I've brought somebody down from well over 500 before with me and another medic doubleteaming a fresh corpse.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 09 Dec 2018, 11:16

butters742 wrote:
08 Dec 2018, 18:40
Any idea what to do when the persons above 400 damage. Getting that damage down to 200 is tough
Grubstank is correct about carrying two defibs and just repeatedly shocking someone. That being said, it's a massive waste of time if there's something else you can be doing. If you're getting flooded with wounded/dead marines and there aren't enough medics to go around, leave them.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by RuAlastor » 11 Dec 2018, 21:43

Thanks for the guide. Cover pretty every part of being a medic. Satchel medics are superior!
I guess, optionally, you can add order list for chems, like dexalin+ pills, imialky and other shit, because before I tried doctor I didn’t know what and how can I order.
And I still have panic attacks when alpha medic comes to the marine I’m treating

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 11 Dec 2018, 22:02

RuAlastor wrote:
11 Dec 2018, 21:43
Thanks for the guide. Cover pretty every part of being a medic. Satchel medics are superior!
I guess, optionally, you can add order list for chems, like dexalin+ pills, imialky and other shit, because before I tried doctor I didn’t know what and how can I order.
And I still have panic attacks when alpha medic comes to the marine I’m treating
I could. But this guide is supposed to be for baldie to competent. There are a whole host of other things I could talk about, like chem flasks, giving your SL some medicine (because they have medic skills), special meds, etc. There are a few things I purposefully didn't mention because it's potentially dangerous and I don't want baldie alpha medic attempting it.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by butters742 » 12 Dec 2018, 19:45

Grubstank wrote:
09 Dec 2018, 10:51
Personally I've always just carried two defibs. That way you can be as wasteful as you please and almost never run out of defib charges. And if you do run out, by that time there's gonna be a half dozen permadead medics scattered around the map to loot for theirs.

Just get them down as far as possible with kits, and repeatedly shock. I've brought somebody down from well over 500 before with me and another medic doubleteaming a fresh corpse.
Thanks! Yeah i always have 2 defibs but i just couldnt get this one guy down. Its like the kits stopped healing. Ill have to make sure i double team next time. Would i continue to apply kits?

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 12 Dec 2018, 20:04

butters742 wrote:
12 Dec 2018, 19:45
Thanks! Yeah i always have 2 defibs but i just couldnt get this one guy down. Its like the kits stopped healing. Ill have to make sure i double team next time. Would i continue to apply kits?
Double team him. It's kinkier faster that way. You can only apply a kit once to a location. So if someone has really high damage, kit everything and start defibbing. Once they're alive, apply medicines, and probably defib them again because they almost definitely died immediately after being revived.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by KennyTGuy » 13 Dec 2018, 00:38

Urytion wrote:
12 Dec 2018, 20:04
Double team him. It's kinkier faster that way. You can only apply a kit once to a location. So if someone has really high damage, kit everything and start defibbing. Once they're alive, apply medicines, and probably defib them again because they almost definitely died immediately after being revived.
Any tricks to applying kits fast or is it just about building up that muscle memory?

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 13 Dec 2018, 02:23

KennyTGuy wrote:
13 Dec 2018, 00:38
Any tricks to applying kits fast or is it just about building up that muscle memory?
You could probably macro it, but I just use muscle memory. And don't bother with treating little bits of damage. It's a waste of trauma kits, which are a really valuable limited resource.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by KennyTGuy » 13 Dec 2018, 03:30

Urytion wrote:
13 Dec 2018, 02:23
You could probably macro it, but I just use muscle memory. And don't bother with treating little bits of damage. It's a waste of trauma kits, which are a really valuable limited resource.
Any numbers you would recommend to be kit worthy like >20? Do kits heal a % or a flat amount?

Also thank you for the guide!

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 13 Dec 2018, 04:15

KennyTGuy wrote:
13 Dec 2018, 03:30
Any numbers you would recommend to be kit worthy like >20? Do kits heal a % or a flat amount?

Also thank you for the guide!
I honestly can't remember how much kits heal. I don't even keep track.

If they're dead and you're kitting, I'd even go so far as to say 50+. It depends on how spread how the damage is. If they're alive, don't bother with kits. Just use drugs.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Ranged66 » 15 Dec 2018, 10:25

You can treat internal bleeding with bicaridine overdoses. Keep the level of bicaridine between 30 and 50 and kelotane will completely cancel out the OD effect. Above 50 you need dermaline, dylovene and manual burn kits to prevent rapid death.

One unit of bicaridine overdose treats one brute damage worth of internal bleeding and takes 5 seconds.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 15 Dec 2018, 11:08

Ranged66 wrote:
15 Dec 2018, 10:25
You can treat internal bleeding with bicaridine overdoses. Keep the level of bicaridine between 30 and 50 and kelotane will completely cancel out the OD effect. Above 50 you need dermaline, dylovene and manual burn kits to prevent rapid death.

One unit of bicaridine overdose treats one brute damage worth of internal bleeding and takes 5 seconds.
And this is the kind of information I'm trying to keep out of the hands of new medics because they will kill people with it.
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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Avalanchee » 15 Dec 2018, 11:14

Day 3729

Tracee still has a stock
Phillip 'Avalanche' Murray
They are actually very balanced. The difference is ya get marines who think they can rambo a xeno and when they die, they get all salty about it.Mizari 10/12/2018, Xeno mutators
Expert at friendly fire, girls and weapons.
Deltard from inside n' outside

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by KennyTGuy » 15 Dec 2018, 18:25

Urytion wrote:
15 Dec 2018, 11:08
And this is the kind of information I'm trying to keep out of the hands of new medics because they will kill people with it.
Can you make a more advanced guide down the line please? Id love to learn more.

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Re: Tracee Parker's Complete Medic Guide for Crewcut Fucks 2: The Revenge of the Crewies

Post by Urytion » 16 Dec 2018, 03:36

KennyTGuy wrote:
15 Dec 2018, 18:25
Can you make a more advanced guide down the line please? Id love to learn more.
Yeah, maybe. But with things like the whole bicard OD curing IB thing, it's honestly barely worth knowing, especially when I wrote this guide in direct response to a massive spike in ODs. Also if I had to put money on it I'd say that's going to be removed before long. Admins want doctors to do that sort of stuff. But there are a few things like special chem mixes I could write guides for.
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