A guide to being a pro surgeon

Player-made guides on how stuff works.
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Gromoi
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A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Gromoi » 23 May 2015, 06:57

This is a simple guide aimed at those who wish to be better at surgery and the medical field on CM.
Step 1) Watch M*A*S*H
Step 2) Listen to everything Boris Karamazov says, he is a sexy beast
Step 3) Keep tools in your hands, dont put them down until you have to, this will save you vital seconds in surgery
Step 4) Not using anesthetic isnt meta/RP breaking if you yell "BITE DOWN BITCH" before doing so
Step 5) Let Boris Karamazov do every surgery

Congratulations, you are now better than most at being a doctor

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Derpislav
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Derpislav » 23 May 2015, 07:00

Actual 5) Ignore common sense, no one uses regenerative membranes to patch up pierced lungs anymore. STAB IT WITH YOUR SCALPEL. Honestly.


Whose idea it was to change lung surgery?
Lockie 'Furry' Hughes, your local source of annoyance, medicine and Will. E. Coyote engineering. Mostly medicine. Maybe annoyance.
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Biolock
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Biolock » 23 May 2015, 07:00

Alex Crossman > Boris Karamazov
I'm stressing way too hard about what to put here, so I'm just gonna leave it blank.... or....

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Gromoi
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Gromoi » 23 May 2015, 07:04

If I was actually good at anything i'd write a serious guide on how I set up the medbay and motivations behind it, but I dont think anyone cares lol

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Sargeantmuffinman
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Sargeantmuffinman » 23 May 2015, 07:04

Gromoi wrote:Step 4) Not using anesthetic isnt meta/RP breaking if you yell "BITE DOWN BITCH"

Rule one of ever being the Sulaco medic doing surgury (imo) FUCK ANAESTHETIC IT'S ONLY FOR THE WEAK CRYING BABIES.

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coroneljones
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by coroneljones » 23 May 2015, 07:13

Step 4:Give those pansy babies some booze instead of the fancy pancy Anesthetics
I am Crornel Jrones, grorious admin of Coronial Mahreens. U ar arr nast Trorr and will be ding dong bannu. U critizize Xenos? Ding dong Bannu. U no rike grorious adminnu? Ding dong Bannu. U comrpain about Marine nerfs? Dingdong bannu. U comprain about grorrious adminnu? O yoo betta bereev dat's a bannu. It has come to my Grorrious attention dat nasty trorr has been imidatingu me on serveru, dis is a shamfrul dispray and unacceptaboo so dey ding dong bannu. End of Rine -----------------Rine ends here.'
-Credit goes to SovietCyanide
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Gromoi
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Gromoi » 23 May 2015, 07:25

Booze is to improve surgical performance. Atleast one bottle of jailbreaker verte before each operations. 100u ethanol if verte is gone

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Lostmixup
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by Lostmixup » 26 May 2015, 21:17

Gromoi wrote:If I was actually good at anything i'd write a serious guide on how I set up the medbay and motivations behind it, but I dont think anyone cares lol
Slightly care about learning how to medic just cause I wanna get gud.
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MrJJJ
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Re: A guide to being a pro surgeon

Post by MrJJJ » 26 May 2015, 22:17

You forgot these
1) Take every medkit into your backpack, and that defib, and the rest
2) Wait for a guy with 5 brute to come and ask you for a bruise pack to heal it
3) Have a argument for 30 minutes
4) Get attacked by aliens
5) Die with never healing anyone because everyone died

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