Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
- Derpislav
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- Joined: 10 May 2015, 09:14
Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
Sometimes things go to shit too fast and you don't have time to pack up your tools, or CMO forbids you to take the UNUSED set of tools to FOB... For times like these... Ghetto surgery! Only 80% failure rate! Be ready to force all your bicardine down their throat because ghetto surgery ain't nice.
Surgical procedures
Examination: ask them what hurts, use health analyzer (Bone fractures detected but no broken limbs show up? Torso or head. Oxygen damage? Chest. Toxin damage? Groin. Brain damage? Head.), observe if the readouts change (oxy/tox rising without any outside cause? Organ damage.)
Anesthesia: ask them to use the "sleep" verb, knock them out with cryo, do surgery while they're unconscious from their injuries (be fast with finishing up, though), choke them to unconsciousness, give tramadol for a small chance to not move during sober surgery. Oxycodone can be used to completely replace anesthesia.
Infection treatment: WASH YOUR HANDS, make an incision on the wound and cauterize it.
Cryo: wrench a shower until the water is freezing cold.
General surgery:
Sugery table: roller bed (25% chance to fail), table (33% chance to fail)
Incision: Scalpel, knife (25%), glass shard (50%)
Clamp bleeders: Hemostat, cable coil (25%), mouse trap (80%)
Retract: Retractor, crowbar (25%), fork (50%)
Cauterize: Cautery, cigarette (25%), lighter (50%), welder (75%)
Internal
Cut skull/ribcage: Circular saw, hatchet (25%)
Fix organ: Advanced Trauma Kit, roll of gauze (80%)
Apply bone gel: Bone gel (duh), screwdriver (25%)
Set bone: Bone setter, wrench (25%)
Stop internal bleeding: Fix-o-vein, cable coil (25%)
Remove implaint/embryo: Hemostat, wirecutters (25%), fork (80%)
Make space for implant: Drill, pen (25%), metal rod (50%)
Facial reconstruction
Mend vocal chords: Hemostat, cable coil (25%), mouse trap (90%)
Repair face: Retractor, fork (25%), crowbar (45%)
Other
Amputate: Circular saw, hatchet (25%)
Apply peridaxon (necrosis): Dropper, beaker (25%), bottle (25%), spray (50%), bucket (50%)
Chemistry
Non-dispenser/vendor meds.
Blood: Find out patient's blood type (use analyzer). Find someone with that type or 0-. Take blood from them with a syringe. Inject into patient. Feed them food, preferably 4no raisins.
Tricordrazine: Warm donk-pockets.
Bicardine: Food, milk, tomato juice, caffe latte, soy latte.
Dexalin: Orange juice.
Dylovene: Lime juice, Tea.
Imidazoline: Carrot juice.
Anti-soporific: Coffee, soda water, tonic, tea.
Hunger: food, sugar.
Holy Graal of ghetto:
There's a ton of food and a MOTHERFUCKING SODA FOUNTAIN there. You're set for life. To the north, Quartermaster's and it's numerous toolboxes and belts. More to the north, dorms and their trauma kits/burn kits.
Special mention:
Doctor's delight can be made with equal amounts of lime, tomato and orange juice, cream and tricordrazine. That essentially makes your tricord supply last five times longer and gives you a potent all-spectrum med.
Blindfolds will slowly undo eye damage.
Earmuffs will slowly undo ear damage.
Surgical procedures
Examination: ask them what hurts, use health analyzer (Bone fractures detected but no broken limbs show up? Torso or head. Oxygen damage? Chest. Toxin damage? Groin. Brain damage? Head.), observe if the readouts change (oxy/tox rising without any outside cause? Organ damage.)
Anesthesia: ask them to use the "sleep" verb, knock them out with cryo, do surgery while they're unconscious from their injuries (be fast with finishing up, though), choke them to unconsciousness, give tramadol for a small chance to not move during sober surgery. Oxycodone can be used to completely replace anesthesia.
Infection treatment: WASH YOUR HANDS, make an incision on the wound and cauterize it.
Cryo: wrench a shower until the water is freezing cold.
General surgery:
Sugery table: roller bed (25% chance to fail), table (33% chance to fail)
Incision: Scalpel, knife (25%), glass shard (50%)
Clamp bleeders: Hemostat, cable coil (25%), mouse trap (80%)
Retract: Retractor, crowbar (25%), fork (50%)
Cauterize: Cautery, cigarette (25%), lighter (50%), welder (75%)
Internal
Cut skull/ribcage: Circular saw, hatchet (25%)
Fix organ: Advanced Trauma Kit, roll of gauze (80%)
Apply bone gel: Bone gel (duh), screwdriver (25%)
Set bone: Bone setter, wrench (25%)
Stop internal bleeding: Fix-o-vein, cable coil (25%)
Remove implaint/embryo: Hemostat, wirecutters (25%), fork (80%)
Make space for implant: Drill, pen (25%), metal rod (50%)
Facial reconstruction
Mend vocal chords: Hemostat, cable coil (25%), mouse trap (90%)
Repair face: Retractor, fork (25%), crowbar (45%)
Other
Amputate: Circular saw, hatchet (25%)
Apply peridaxon (necrosis): Dropper, beaker (25%), bottle (25%), spray (50%), bucket (50%)
Chemistry
Non-dispenser/vendor meds.
Blood: Find out patient's blood type (use analyzer). Find someone with that type or 0-. Take blood from them with a syringe. Inject into patient. Feed them food, preferably 4no raisins.
Tricordrazine: Warm donk-pockets.
Bicardine: Food, milk, tomato juice, caffe latte, soy latte.
Dexalin: Orange juice.
Dylovene: Lime juice, Tea.
Imidazoline: Carrot juice.
Anti-soporific: Coffee, soda water, tonic, tea.
Hunger: food, sugar.
Holy Graal of ghetto:
There's a ton of food and a MOTHERFUCKING SODA FOUNTAIN there. You're set for life. To the north, Quartermaster's and it's numerous toolboxes and belts. More to the north, dorms and their trauma kits/burn kits.
Special mention:
Doctor's delight can be made with equal amounts of lime, tomato and orange juice, cream and tricordrazine. That essentially makes your tricord supply last five times longer and gives you a potent all-spectrum med.
Blindfolds will slowly undo eye damage.
Earmuffs will slowly undo ear damage.
Last edited by Derpislav on 25 Jan 2017, 00:39, edited 8 times in total.
Lockie 'Furry' Hughes, your local source of annoyance, medicine and Will. E. Coyote engineering. Mostly medicine. Maybe annoyance.
- Rey
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
Awesome guide, could be really fun for a survivor.
► Show Spoiler
- coroneljones
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
HES TRYING TO HIDE THE EVIDENCE!Rey wrote: Don't you dare think we would not see it.
Awesome guide, could be really fun for a survivor.
Never forget to set the Boner.
But decent and useful guide
I am Crornel Jrones, grorious admin of Coronial Mahreens. U ar arr nast Trorr and will be ding dong bannu. U critizize Xenos? Ding dong Bannu. U no rike grorious adminnu? Ding dong Bannu. U comrpain about Marine nerfs? Dingdong bannu. U comprain about grorrious adminnu? O yoo betta bereev dat's a bannu. It has come to my Grorrious attention dat nasty trorr has been imidatingu me on serveru, dis is a shamfrul dispray and unacceptaboo so dey ding dong bannu. End of Rine -----------------Rine ends here.'
-Credit goes to SovietCyanide
-Credit goes to SovietCyanide
- apophis775
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- coroneljones
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
Thats for medics with tools apopapophis775 wrote:*cough* wiki/Surgery
This is the Poor Mans den
I am Crornel Jrones, grorious admin of Coronial Mahreens. U ar arr nast Trorr and will be ding dong bannu. U critizize Xenos? Ding dong Bannu. U no rike grorious adminnu? Ding dong Bannu. U comrpain about Marine nerfs? Dingdong bannu. U comprain about grorrious adminnu? O yoo betta bereev dat's a bannu. It has come to my Grorrious attention dat nasty trorr has been imidatingu me on serveru, dis is a shamfrul dispray and unacceptaboo so dey ding dong bannu. End of Rine -----------------Rine ends here.'
-Credit goes to SovietCyanide
-Credit goes to SovietCyanide
- Derpislav
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
How do I into the wiki?
TheSlapDoctor already said they would like to adapt my guides for it.
TheSlapDoctor already said they would like to adapt my guides for it.
Lockie 'Furry' Hughes, your local source of annoyance, medicine and Will. E. Coyote engineering. Mostly medicine. Maybe annoyance.
- TheSlapDoctor
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
I'll get on it as soon as the chem guide is finished.Derpislav wrote:How do I into the wiki?
TheSlapDoctor already said they would like to adapt my guides for it.
- Edgelord
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
XENOMORPHS THE OTHER WHITE MEATDerpislav wrote: Remove implaint/embryo: Hemostat, wirecutters (25%), fork (80%)
Great guide man, ghetto surgery is hilarious.
Dayton 'Day' Mann
"That wiggling sensation you feel in your ass is Weyland-Yutani's fingers working you like a puppet."
"That wiggling sensation you feel in your ass is Weyland-Yutani's fingers working you like a puppet."
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
Hopefully this doesn't lead to everyone trying to do surgery, claiming that since it doesn't use the proper tools it's meant for everyone to do.
Also, for internal bleeding, on other bay-code servers you can slow bleeding using Bicaridine. Give them 30u, their IB won't be as severe. Also, iron helps regen blood loss. Again, 30u. On other baycode servers, that's the OD threshold for those substances.
Honestly, if you really know what you're doing and you're actually using the chem dispenser and a medical belt, you shouldn't lose any patients aside from when you have to treat 5 people and you're the only doctor. Baycode medical is stupidly robust.
Also, for internal bleeding, on other bay-code servers you can slow bleeding using Bicaridine. Give them 30u, their IB won't be as severe. Also, iron helps regen blood loss. Again, 30u. On other baycode servers, that's the OD threshold for those substances.
Honestly, if you really know what you're doing and you're actually using the chem dispenser and a medical belt, you shouldn't lose any patients aside from when you have to treat 5 people and you're the only doctor. Baycode medical is stupidly robust.
- Zartam
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
>Tried using screwdriver as bone gel.
>Ended up stabbing a marine in the eye
>Ended up stabbing a marine in the eye
- Jroinc1
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Re: Ghetto surgery or how to murder your patients and get away with it
That one ALWAYS defaults to eyestab for head surgery, nothing you can do. It's annoying.Zartam wrote:>Tried using screwdriver as bone gel.
>Ended up stabbing a marine in the eye
Mentor-
3 Nov 16-15 Jan 17
Atmos bombs built- 16
Hull breaches repaired- 6
Charged SMs manually dragged to space- 2
Backup tcomms systems set- 4
SM de-lamination weapons detonated- 0
Times I've burned half the ship to a crisp- 5
Times I've burned half the ship to a crisp ACCIDENTALLY- 2
Engine SMs de-laminated on my watch- 0
Upper deck engines made-1
Lower deck engines made-1
Total kills with SM- 6
Most surgeries done at once- 3
Most anesthetic tanks used in a round- 3
Most surgeries done using only personal supplies- 37
Most perdiox made w/in 5 min of roundstart- 540u
3 Nov 16-15 Jan 17
Atmos bombs built- 16
Hull breaches repaired- 6
Charged SMs manually dragged to space- 2
Backup tcomms systems set- 4
SM de-lamination weapons detonated- 0
Times I've burned half the ship to a crisp- 5
Times I've burned half the ship to a crisp ACCIDENTALLY- 2
Engine SMs de-laminated on my watch- 0
Upper deck engines made-1
Lower deck engines made-1
Total kills with SM- 6
Most surgeries done at once- 3
Most anesthetic tanks used in a round- 3
Most surgeries done using only personal supplies- 37
Most perdiox made w/in 5 min of roundstart- 540u