Lumdor - Kar'Tar

[Lumdor]

Literally who? I feel generous so +1

Make sure boltersam doesn't see ur app

Brother Bob Shoe is who I am, also indeed I know boltersam is critical on pred applications, but I think his review might give me some insight what can be made better with my story.

[Imperator_Titan]

Boltersam went away a loooooooooooong while back brother Lumdor. He doesn't review apps anymore either, unfortunately.

[BobatNight]

If there's any man capable of handling Predator, it's Bob Shoe. +1

[Aceluke123]

I'm going to hold back on voting for awhile since you have just got Trial Admin.

Same. I will reply to this once I feel comfortable with the code of honor and most older pred apps have been dealt with. Probably will edit this at a later date.

[adrenalinetooth]

Your story was very well written. It felt like I was reading a genuine book. Furthermore, your gimmick sounds interesting, and I want to see how your character progresses.
Lastly, Bob Shoe is a good character and I have never had a bad experience with him.
+1

[Lumdor]

I appreciate all the support from everyone if you have any suggestions on how the story should go I'd love to hear them.

[Boltersam]

(Review made at the request of the applicant)

Preface
Having talked with the applicant a good deal and read his app, this review is going to be a +1. He deserves to be a predator. This is going by my older rating system, and I believe he's one of the best fits for the role, in understanding that as a predator he needs to sacrifice his own enjoyment for everyone else's, and actively working towards doing so.

However, I'm going to focus on pointing out the flaws, due to this being requested as the old review scheme. It's going to be nitpicky, it's going to focus on the backstory because that's still a major part of the application. Some of the criticism here shouldn't be taken to heart.

With that done, here it is.

Backstory
The formatting made it a bit difficult to parse through this and the other sections. While I've read longer stories, this one mainly made up for it without unnecessarily padding the narrative and stuck to the content that mattered. That being said, there were some minor grammar mistakes present throughout the app. What's likely more important, though, are perhaps the lore inconsistencies. There were a few major ones.

I find that the story, and by proxy the applicant, is a bit confused as to what the distinction between Young Blood and Unblooded is. In the simpler ranking, a Young Blood is a predator that hasn't killed a xeno yet and therefore has access to far less powerful gear, none of which is acid-proof. (Usually some basic armour and wristblades, though clan traditions may change it. EG: In the story, the predators were equipped with combisticks and loincloths. That being said, they generally stick to the one weapon, poor armour rule.), and Blooded being those that have killed a xeno.

When the word Unblooded comes into play, it implies a difference between it and Young Blood, IE: That a Young Blood has killed a xeno. Seeing as the story has a seperate heading for Unblooded, it seems to indicate this as well. As the story consistently refers to the same hunt and the Unblooded heading is used for a flashback, I believe it's being used improperly. Up until he kills the xeno and marks his mask, he's either Unblooded, or a Young Blood. In the first case, when he kills the warrior he becomes a Young Blood. In the second, he becomes Blooded.

I think the headings are misleading and a little shoddy in their usage. A more apt use would be: "Young Blood", "A few days ago..." and "Blooded". Referring to the start, flashback, and killing the xeno respectively.

Another lore consistency related to the predators on the hunt: There are three of them. As I understand it, this is a hunt to become Blooded, and those are traditionally one Unblooded, or Young Blood, whichever you refer to them as, against one xeno. This being with the absolutely awful gear of a young blood, it's generally, in terms of mechanical power, something like an Elite T1.

Enough to challenge and pose a very real threat against the Young Blood without being a complete curbstomp. Before this point, the Young Blood hasn't hunted any other xeno, or it would be Blooded. On this hunt, there's three Young Bloods. Unarmoured or not, they have combisticks. Versatile, acid-proof weapons that a skilled predator can use to great effectiveness. The Warrior being a xeno that primarily focuses on taking down single targets or hit and run attacks, this shouldn't actually pose much challenge to a group of three. Of course, assuming the standard format of one Young Blood against one xeno, it would be an absolute curbstomp without a miracle or a carefully thought out trap.

Finally, his brother having joined his sister in the afterlife, Kar'Tar manages to kill a warrior that has so far bested two other predators. In single combat. I don't know if that's what'd likely happen.
This is one of those "STRONK BREADATOR OF IRON GLISTENING OILED MUSCLES" cases that I've covered in the past.

He takes his trophy, gets picked up by the ship, and becomes Blooded.

Moving on...

Playstyle
This is perhaps the best part of the app, short as it is. Having spoken with the applicant, having read the playstyle. Lumdor understands the core principle of playing as a predator: You must be willing to sacrifice your own enjoyment for the fun of everyone else in the round. He's not just willing, he's actively attempting to do so.

That being said, the applicant made it a bit muddy when talking to me, so I'll make a point here: The main flaw with this playstyle is that it should never be downright suicidal.

Now, don't get me wrong, the point is that the predator dies and that their death furthers the round in some manner. However, it shouldn't be suicidal to the point that the predator may dishonour themselves by being killed before they can self destruct and then looted, or worse, captured and infected. There's a definite line to draw there.

In addition, I hope that this playstyle won't simply lead to walking into the FoB, or the hive, attacking people until the predator's critically injured, then exploding right in the middle of everyone. That'd be a poor decision and alter the power balance of a round drastically and unnecessarily.


Other
Backstories have been a major part of applications for a long time. I'm not sure if they're entirely the best way to judge someone's potential as a predator. The focus on it should be secondary, compared to the player's actual competence and the trust that can be placed in them. That being said, since the focus is still on it, I have to say that the story is a little bit poor. It needs work. I understand it may be due to a lack of experience with the English language, and I take that into account, but even so, I was told this application was made in the process of six months.

While it may be harsh, I'm not sure that's entirely accurate. Six months is a long time to carefully deconstruct and analyse every part of the application, ask for other people to take a look at it, do your research, etcetera. I think if six months were taken to do this, regardless of whether or not English is your first language, I think it'd be of a much higher, polished quality.

Aside from that, I don't know Lumdor. From the glowing recommendations in the other reviews and comments, he seems like a well respected, respectful, and kind guy. Talking with him beforehand, I think he'd be a good fit for the whitelist.


The only part of the app that gets the "FUCKING RAW" seal of disapproval is the story, in case it wasn't obvious.

[Sambalu]

I'm going to go with a +1 on this.
I've seen Bob Shoe in-game, and I believe they can be trusted with playing a Predator.
I doubht he'd cause any problems.

[taketheshot56]

+1 my brother, I hope to die by your hand soon!

[Sneakyr]

Sure, +1.

[Redikalzip]

Good and detali story at least, and I'd like you personally.

Application is good for get my +1.

Good luck, Lumbdor.

[x31stOverlord]

A good app, good guy and a good brother +1

[Mvp777]

An all around good chap, who'd do well with predator +1

[Adralimas]

I may not be a breadanerd but i do at the very least know lumdor reasonably well and i have no doubt he would be a good fit for the lovely little secret breadanerd clubhouse.

8roar your heart out +1

[Mizari]

Good story and good Roleplayer. +1 from me.

[Emeraldblood]

Resolved - Denied Accepted; whitelist will be updated shortly.