salt, rage, and STOP FUCKING PUSHING ME. (the fourm for all your range inducing moments)

[Seehund]

"no, command, i won't follow orders or speak on the squad channel or make any passing attempt at teamwork. Oh btw, you are the reason we are losing now excuse me while i charge into the hive"

[Boltersam]

"save this dying criminal with internal bleeding and shrapnel, and give him to me afterwards." 10 minutes later "He's dead."
"WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY, I SAID SAVE HIM, BUT NOOO!" *Beats a civilian with chain of command like a dipshit* "How the FUCK was I supposed to save him!? he was already dying when you got him here! I said DONT move him, but you did! so now his wounds were WORSE." *secretly clones criminal and cryos him just to spite terrible commander.*

Fuck you dipshit commanders.

[Expired Torpedo]

"no, command, i won't follow orders or speak on the squad channel or make any passing attempt at teamwork. Oh btw, you are the reason we are losing now excuse me while i charge into the hive"

this right here. rambos always need someone to put the blame on when they fuck up...

[WingedDarkAngel]

>i start the round as a BO
>the squad that's assigned to me doesnt have a squad leader, didn't realise until said squad was on the ground
>i order one of the marines to come to the bridge to be reassigned
>the CO yells at me for not doing my job while im giving the new squad leader they're ID
>the newly assigned SL gets planetside
>30 seconds later another SL gets out of cryo
>he asks where his gear is
>i tell him to just get down there, as ive just reassigned one of the marines to be SL of the squad
>he proceeds to whine to the CO about not getting to be a squad leader
>CO yells at me
>i tell the marine to suck it up and get planet side
>after whining some more whilst his squad mates are dying planet side. he comes to the bridge with a loaded gun and confronts me
>sick, stressed and tired of both the CO and the "SL" yelling at me while good marines are dying down there
>i unholster my revolver, stick the barrel in my mouth aaaand..
>*BANG*

my only regret is that i didn't say something funny over the radio

[Shadow]

Getting shot by a spec with a SADAR with 0 warning. Like literally, just standing there firing on the aliens, and suddenly getting nuked by rocket propelled high explosives.

[Lord Lag]

Getting shot by a spec with a SADAR with 0 warning. Like literally, just standing there firing on the aliens, and suddenly getting nuked by rocket propelled high explosives.

I know the feeling man, I know it too well QQ

[Toroic]

Collected over several weeks:

What you can reasonably expect from each xeno caste:

Drone: two varieties
1) Builds the hive, spreads weeds outside the hive, usually evolves into carrier and does well
2) Stands around doing questionable or no work, will immediately evolve to queen with no communication

Sentinel:
Guards the hosts, bored to death and complains about it

Runner:
Rambos and dies in 3 minutes, rinse and repeat for as long as there are hosts available

Hunter:
Actually do their job and hunt, surprising everyone

Spitter:
Same as sentinel

Carrier:
Makes marine life hard, generally stays alive for a long period of time.

Hivelord:
Build random useless tunnel(s), then reinforce a forward base no marine will ever come close to, and of no strategic value.

Praetorian:
Guard the queen, spit and acid marines effectively

Boiler:
Die 30 seconds after making contact with marines, launching a green waterballoon that is either blocked by a runner or bounces off the wall, no effect.

Ravager:
50% effectively fight alongside other xenos, 50% think they're invincible and die ramboing

Crusher:
Charge into walls repeatedly for no reason, die while stunned

Queen:
If original queen, 50% chance of being a new and confused player, 40% chance of power tripping. Will not roar effectively.

Odds only get worse from there.


Note: While there are rare exceptions to the above, this forms an accurate representation of what you should expect from your fellow xenos, and any attack that will not fail with said allies should not be attempted until competence is proven.

[Siserith Vassada]

>throws backpack with seven 120 120 armed potas water grenades all armed with 30 second timers
>marine runs after backpack. picks it up and runs with it back into the nexus fob.
>series of massive explosions blow up half the nexus and kill 70% of the mairines. and wounds another 10%
>admin/mod says it's legit.

oh yeah i also specifically yelled before i did it for everyone to get back because i was throwing a backpack of armed grenades

[WyattH]

when people i've taught how to maximize engine and atmos do it wrong T_T

i really must make a guide soon


disclaimer: everything i know ive learned as a baldie greytider and i will never stop being a 30 year old balck eyed bald man

[Edgelord]

>Be Engineer Dayton Mann
>Fortifying north FOB
>Decide to seal auxiliary exits to the north.
>"Hey guys get out of there I'm going to seal the exits"
> All evacuate except for one dumb fuck standard
>Give him literally 5 minutes, still stays there
>Seals exit.
>Other marines see trapped muhreen and tell me to get him out, so I unweld the door
>Still doesn't leave
>Seal exit back up
>Get sick sense of satisfaction when he gets hugged and dragged away.

I swear to god these redshirts make me feel so robust.

[Wickedtemp]

Alright, so I'm playing Joseph Alkek, MP, mostly a good cop. CO is AFK for a bit and gets dragged about by some random standard marine, when they get back they immediately call for MP to arrest aforementioned standard marine. I respond that I'm on my way, they're both in Cargo, most likely cause the marine used the CO's ID for access since we didn't have anyone working in cargo that round... Anyways, I ask them nicely to stand down and allow me to cuff them, they refuse, I tase them, and then the fucking CO draws their pistol and begins shooting at them. I push the CO away with a "And what THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" and chewed them out for using lethal force, I got the stupid "I thought they were rubber rounds." response. Whatever, the dudes armor blocked the bullet so he's fine, I slap cuffs on for like a minute before letting them go since honestly it wasn't that much of a problem, and the CO did shoot at them so that's punishment enough.

CO later shoots a Bridge Officer in the head like 3 times out of what they claimed was self defense. I brigged the CO for 2 accounts of attempted murder/assault, he repeatedly claims he didn't do anything wrong. They were in the brig for around ten or fifteen minutes before the round ended.

I really hate CO's who think they're the absolute, infallible god of the ship...

[Kreydis]

I really hate CO's who think they're the absolute, infallible god of the ship...

Almost every other round I play, the marines mutiny after like 20 minutes because holy hot potatoes of damming up water, they're bad.

[RhMoore]

> I am a survivor
> get guns from sec and GL from crashed drop ship
> hunker down in water filtration
> Get rescued by marines after running to nexus
> take sweet time calling shuttle (still RP anger at this point)
> commander doesn't care about survivors
> sends Bo to interview
> Bo falls ssd
> other survivor falls ssd
> stand outside bridge
> gtg

[UnknownMurder]

People coming to CM for marriage? Oh No. Please, no.

[Themaster]

>Be SL
> Guarding FOB
>Tell Squad not to leave the FOB, or chase xenos too far.
> Marine charges out the FOB alone, without saying anything
>Ignores calls to come back
5-7 minutes later
> "TRAPPED IN CAVES, HELP! HELP!"
90% of the time, one of them will be on your squad.

[ChickenShizNit8]

>Arrest someone for Assault
>Have the person being assaulted tell me as they're being dragged off on a gurney "No, it was a play fight"
>fml

[Lostmixup]

>Survivor
>Surviving and shiet
>Meet up with two others and a PAI
>Survive and shiet
>Start breaking into the armory
>Red alien finds us
>Try not to shit bricks
>Hold the xeno off through tactical negotiations consisting of phrases like: "go away please"
>It calls its friends over
>Every known alien in the universe is outside the windows
>Try not to panic
>Panic
>Just as the aliens decide they're done with our shit, the muhreens bust in and save the day
>Myheros.png
>Get Face hugged
>Every single marine walks past me like I don't exist
>Become infected
>Notmyheros.png
>Get taken back to the sulaco
>Meet an MP
>Calls me scum and starts punching the shit out of me
>Manage to get her to fuck off as I get to medbay and talk to a doctor
>"Sure I'll operate on you"
>Strips me 100% down to my ass and straps me to the operating table
>Doesn't put me under anesthetic
>Rips my chest open while I'm strapped to the table, burns me, and seals me back up
>Fucking traumatized for life
>Leave medbay
>Go to the bridge
>Start telling my story to the XO
>Come up with story about how I'm the director of the planet
>She Ogre MP walks in "Well if it isn't the scum"
>Not having this shit
>Filp her the bird and get her ass sent out of the bridge
>Finally finish my story with the XO and he gives me a fresh new ID with my name on it
>Walk out of bridge
>Start talking to the CL
>Wait a fucking minute
>Check ID
>My fucking name is spelled wrong
>My face after all that shit

[ChickenShizNit8]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ x100000

[Siserith Vassada]

(recorded this too!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws9rElfAvRc)
>is muhreen
>see that my squad has no spec even though spec is set to high
>check in with co
>no spec on records WAt?
>gets assigned spec
>gets b18
>preps with gyro rifle
>xur is SL (thanks the gods)
>normal breifing
>normal shuttle ride
>shuttle lands are prison map
>giant cancerous clusterfuck of people trying to open airlock and complaining it wont open
>looks for engineer
>sees engineer and says engineer crowbar up
>engineer gets his shit together and opens it
>fast forwarding ahead a few minutes. me and xur are going north east.
>see xeno in offices
>chase while smashing shield with harmbaton
>xeno escapes
>me xur and one other make barricade in hallway connection to east prison wing
>ff a bit
>xenos attack
>someone breaches wall with grenade
>xur saves us by patching it
>ff way farther. barricades reinforced. and chuckledfucks keep rushing out to their deaths rush out a few times trying to corrale them back in (fails)
>buncha people get facehugged
>everyone not facehugged retreats
>i stay to unfacehugg a bunch of people and wake them all up with a bunch of xenos spitting at me
>marines who just got resuced attack and immediatly get facehugged and dragged around the corner
>watch video for more cancer.

[Siserith Vassada]

when everyone is either blind or your the only one not effected by a massive lag spike that only effects your team and a runner quite literally walks into the nexus and kidnaps you without anyone moving or firing a shot. heck the runner even pauses to eat you. and then pounce over a mine

[Azmodan412]

>Is Commander Borealis for the third time in a row.
>Is feeling good about two consecutive Marine Majors.
>Everything going swimmingly.
>Marine takes XO's gun.
>Marine proceeds to shoot another marine dead.
>I catch wind of it.
>I disarm said marine.
>I have XO get me handcuffs.
>I sentence the marine to execution via spacing.
>I wait 5-10 minutes for personal effects and viewers to gather.
>I proceed with the last words of the soon-to-be-deceased.
>Xenos start boarding.
>I say 'Fuck it.' and space marines.
>Sulaco overrun.
>Xeno Major victory.
>Executioninterrupted.jpg.
>Rage.gif.

[Derpislav]

Commander Borealis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNK5-uE5JFg

[Azmodan412]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNK5-uE5JFg

Brother, I am pinned! No. *orbital strikes location, freeing the marine.*

[monkeysfist101]

-Specialist runs out of North nexus and gets hugged.
-Specialist is pulled away never to be seen again.
-SL, "Marine! Grab that SADAR!"
-Steps out to grab launcher.
-Dumbass engine puts a girder over the exit an locks me out.
-Facehugged by Peyton Manning carrier.
-Head ripped off by ravager while still Facehugged.
-Squad never got SADAR.

[Sargeantmuffinman]

To that RO that shot me multiple times...fuck you.