Funny, Embarrassing, and General OMG Moments

[Stripetail]

I've had quite a few funny things happen, but one that will never leave my mind happened when I was playing Researcher. I spent most of the round's start prepping for the inevitable flood of Medics screaming for their Peri, created super pills and tested out new blends of chemicals. It was all going fairly smoothly until I started to hear gunshots from the hallways outside of upper medbay. I stepped outside to investigate and I see nobody, hear nobody, see no blood... odd. I shrug and go back inside research to make grenades when I hear a loud scream from nearby.

I step outside and find someone walking down the hallway with a freaking throwing knife stuck in their skull. I freak out, grab them and pull them down the ladder to lower medbay so I can treat them. I scan them and SOMEHOW they don't have any breaks. I think, great, it's just an object removal, it'll be a few seconds. I try to drag the patient, they scream "NO WAIT!" What were they doing you ask?... PULLING THE FUCKING KNIFE FROM THEIR SKULL.

It went as smoothly as "Ahh, AHHH... *CRACK* AHHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!!" The knife lands on the floor and they collapse from the pain, they shattered their skull tearing the knife out. I shake them up, grab them, throw them in the scanner to check for other injuries, drag them into surgery and spend the next couple minutes patching their skull up. Shim sham woo, they're done, all patched up but have scars from the incident. I turn and open the door to let them out, when I hear. "Stupid fucking knife, HUUUUUGH!"

I hear a tink, then a loud freaking crack and screaming. They'd THROWN THE FUCKING KNIFE AGAINST THE WALL AND RICOCHETED IT INTO THEIR SKULL WORSE THAN BEFORE! Their skull is MANGLED, they have severe brain damage, I'm screaming at them "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" They scream back "I DON'T KNOW!!! THIS KNIFE WANTS ME DEAD!!!" I throw their ass down, pull the knife out and patch their skull up again, take the knife and kick their asses out of surgery.


I literally could not stop laughing the entire time, the odds of them angrily throwing the knife that had embedded itself into their skull... only to have it RE-EMBED itself into their skull, worse than the first time.

What a glorious day of research.

[Blade2000Br]

And thus, start the biggest and most meme'y hunt ever.

[Casany]

https://gyazo.com/2f458732e30f4f85ec106801508965c1

[Aracino]

Crusher nerf in a nutshell: https://gyazo.com/6a64369d055f6b70fc85888f82ecc83c

Didn't change anything, just gave an excuse to have more ravagers :P

[TheMusician321]

i have successfully shared the BALDNESS VIRUS to my CT and to one of the MTs. Soon EVERYONE WILL BE BALD! MWAHAHAHA!

[Crab_Spider]

i have successfully shared the BALDNESS VIRUS to my CT and to one of the MTs. Soon EVERYONE WILL BE BALD! MWAHAHAHA!

I'm giving you all cancer when I get on.

[Redikalzip]

Baldness virus? Baldie ship. Bald world. Hmmm, maybe god have a bald?

[johners12345]

WO Bill Carson says, "Fucking"
WO Bill Carson says, "Slackers"
WO Bill Carson [Almayer (CMP)] says, "Any more marines need arresting"
WO Bill Carson [Almayer (CMP)] says, "I got 2 in the brig"
PFC Alexandre Banner says, "Well aint he cranky today"
Malleck 'Iceberg' Glacial [Almayer (Mar)] asks, "Has my ID been returned to Medbay?"
LT Riktor Burns says, "Hello, ALL"
PFC Alexandre Banner says, "Ello ello"
PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "How many of us are left? From what I can hear, shit had hit the fan"
PFC Curtis Weeter says, "How many of us are left? From what I can hear, shit had hit the fan"
*---------*
This is Ivan Petrovski!
He is wearing a blood-stained USCM snow uniform!
He is wearing a M10 pattern marine snow helmet on his head.
He is wearing a blood-stained M3 pattern marine snow armor!
He is carrying a blood-stained M41A pulse rifle MK2 on his M3 pattern marine snow armor!
He has an USCM infantry backpack on his back.
He has some blood-stained alpha squad gloves on his hands!
He has a M276 pattern ammo load rig about his waist.
He is wearing some marine combat boots on his feet.
He has a heat absorbent coif on his face.
He is wearing Ivan Petrovski's ID Card (Alpha Squad Marine).
He is quite chubby.

*---------*
PFC Tanner Fiscina [Almayer (Mar)] says, "Nobody asked what I do"
PFC Curtis Weeter asks, "Hey Ivan?"
PFC Tanner Fiscina [Almayer (Mar)] says, "I mean, did"
PFC Ivan Petrovski asks, "Yes?"
PFC Curtis Weeter asks, "What kinda food you been eating man?"
PFC Ivan Petrovski says, "Pizza"
PFC Curtis Weeter says, ".... You seem a bit above... uhm.. Military Protocol..."
LT Riktor Burns says, "Things are rough right now and the fob is under heavy fire. if we don't keep snding reenforcments then everyone dies"
PFC Curtis Weeter whispers, "In terms of weight..."






PFC Curtis Weeter says, "Oh.."
Frank Jensen has grabbed Unknown (as Randal Wilkerson) passively!
Alexandre Banner buckles in!
PFC Curtis Weeter says, "Oh holy shit.."
LT Mark Hanford [Almayer (SO)] asks, "PO's, how the situation?"
Ivan Petrovski buckles in!
WO Bill Carson [Almayer (CMP)] says, "BRIEFING SUHTTERS ARE CLOSED"
Frank Jensen has reinforced his grip on Unknown (as Randal Wilkerson) (now neck)!
LT Mark Hanford [Almayer (SO)] says, "Hold for a while."
Frank Jensen has thrown Unknown (as Randal Wilkerson).
LT Micah Cressman says, "Wiybded>"
ENS Caryl 'Hail' Bernhaben [Almayer (PO)] says, "Good."
Caryl 'Hail' Bernhaben talks into the marine command radio headset
ENS Caryl 'Hail' Bernhaben says, "Good."
Conley 'Fire' Stern kneels down, puts his hand on John 'Spartan' Murry's wrist and begins counting their pulse.
WO Bill Carson [Almayer (CMP)] says, "TO PREVENT COWARDS FROM LEAVING THE HANGAR"
Conley 'Fire' Stern kneels down, puts his hand on Dylan Mccal's wrist and begins counting their pulse.
ENS Caryl 'Hail' Bernhaben [Almayer (PO)] says, "The marines disemarked and are trying to wrestly control for LZ1."
Caryl 'Hail' Bernhaben talks into the marine command radio headset
PFC Klaus Winmore says, "Jesus, what a mess"



PFC Ryan Leigh says, "Were so dead"
PFC Ryan Leigh asks, "Oorah?"
Conley 'Fire' Stern unbuckled !
Ryan Leigh unbuckled !
Conley 'Fire' Stern buckles in!
Conley 'Fire' Stern unbuckled !
Conley 'Fire' Stern buckles in!
Conley 'Fire' Stern mans the M56D!
PFC Ryan Leigh says, "Fuck so much blood"
PFC Curtis Weeter says, "This is gonna be a shit show.."
PFC Miles Evans says, "Let it fucking bleed"
PFC Ivan Petrovski says, "Its a good day to diiie"
PFC Ryan Leigh asks, "Anyone else down there?"
PFC Ryan Leigh says, "Already"
Ryan Leigh examines himself.
Ryan Leigh buckles in!
Sudden acceleration presses you into Passenger Seat!
Ryan Leigh unbuckled !PFC Curtis Weeter says, "Ivan they're gonna go after you first cause of your... uhm... Extra meat... yah.."

PFC Curtis Weeter yells, "I need burn treatment!"
You really need some painkillers!
PFC Curtis Weeter is having trouble keeping their eyes open.
Ryan Leigh unloads the M41A AP magazine (10x24mm) from the M41A pulse rifle MK2.
It hurts so much!
Ryan Leigh loads the M41A AP magazine (10x24mm) into the M41A pulse rifle MK2!
Nai Milako seizes up and falls limp, their eyes dead and lifeless...
PFC Alexandre Banner stutters, "I-I think I-I n-need a new chest"
Your head hurts badly.
It hurts so much!
Your whole body is going numb!
PFC Curtis Weeter chuckles softly
PFC Curtis Weeter stammers, "Thats th-the spirit..."

[johners12345]

WO Bill Carson [Almayer (CMP)] says, "I have more balls than everyone in the USCM combined"
PFC Keaton Vanilla [Almayer (Mar)] says, "Sure."
ENS Megan 'Min' Terran [Almayer (PO)] asks, "Balls?"
PFC Jeser 'Fox' Aushwitz [Almayer (Mar)] says, "I doubt he has any at all"
TSGT James 'Patch' Alfonse [Almayer (MT)] asks, "So, ?"
PFC Mathew Merryman [Almayer (Mar)] stammers, "S-Sounds g-g-gay m-m-man"
PFC Keaton Vanilla [Almayer (Mar)] says, "Then come down with us on the Alamo."
ENS Megan 'Min' Terran [Almayer (PO)] asks, "You mean bullets?"
PFC Steve Wilkins [Almayer (Mar)] says, "Then explain why you're cowering on the ship, coward."
TSGT James 'Patch' Alfonse [Almayer (MT)] asks, "3?"
PFC Curtis Weeter [Almayer (Mar)] says, ".... This is true since my balls got melted off"
PFC Curtis Weeter says, ".... This is true since my balls got melted off"
WO Bill Carson [Almayer (CMP)] says, "I am the CMP"
ENS Megan 'Min' Terran [Almayer (PO)] asks, "Or theese steel balls for airguns?"




This is Cayden 'Prisoner' Mary!
He is wearing an USCM snow uniform.
He is wearing a M10 pattern marine snow helmet on his head.
He is wearing a M3 pattern marine snow armor.
He is carrying a M41A pulse rifle MK2 on his M3 pattern marine snow armor.
He has an USCM infantry backpack on his back.
He has some delta squad gloves on his hands.
He has a M276 pattern ammo load rig about his waist.
He is wearing some marine combat boots on his feet.
He has a heat absorbent coif on his face.
He has a prescription sunglasses covering his eyes.
He is wearing Cayden 'Prisoner' Mary's ID Card (Delta Squad Marine).
He isn't responding to anything around him and seems to be asleep.
He does not appear to be breathing.
He has a blood soaked clot on his head.
Sorry i shot you



PFC Axel Taggart [Alpha (Mar)] says, "Whats our situation - I am just out of cryo"
PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "I'm going into the brig, giant lizard fucks are on the planet"
PFC Curtis Weeter salutes
PFC Curtis Weeter says, "Have fun sir."
SSGT Rocco Duncan says, "You too"
PFC Curtis Weeter says, "I will"
CPL Bob Sunday [Almayer (Med)] says, "RREEEE"
CPL Bob Sunday [Almayer (Med)] says, "OPEN THE SHUTTTERS"
Dr. Klaus Neumann [Almayer (Rsr)] says, "Restore medbay power, please."
PFC Axel Taggart [Alpha (Mar)] asks, "Do you know where is our squad currently?"
PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "Uhm... Well... Our specialist is.... over there..."

"PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "And a bit on that wall.."

PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "Oh and over there..."

PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "Everyone is dead."

PFC Axel Taggart [Alpha (Mar)] says, "Oh"


PFC Axel Taggart [Alpha (Mar)] says, "Should've stayed in cryo..."

PFC Curtis Weeter says, "Most likely"

PFC Curtis Weeter [Alpha (Mar)] says, "A lizard fuck shot acid and melted my balls off... Thank God he missed the important sausage part



Mark Hanford punched Mark Hanford!

LT Mark Hanford sighs.



y... y-you okay bro?

[GoliathTheDespoiler]

CO round as Joseph 'Goliath' Clancy.

Round starts with the usual, until I see a certain admiral asking to humour me in my office. Turns out if we failed the mission on Big Red, the site will be nuked, and all my soldiers with it.

40 minutes later, my XO is arrested for attempted mutiny and I go down to Brig to appeal to the admiral.

"I am sure that this is simply a misunderstanding." I said.

"That's all I needed to hear." Replied the admiral.

Next moment poor ol' Ace is gunned down by the admiral, battlefield execution.

I wasn't happy.

Considering my character's "As little blood as possible" mentality, I tried talking down the admiral, telling him not to come on my ship, murder my men, and threaten me with nuclear fire. He simply told us to return to our duties and walked off like nothing was unusual.

And so the plot of the High Command Mutiny began.

The MP were still in shock about Ace's death, so I shook 'em out of it and told them my plan.

"What the admiral did was dead wrong. Even if the law says he can, its still injustice. He needs to pay."

Most agreed, including the WO. But two certain MPs didn't (will get to these two later).

I told them to capture the admiral, I was winging it at this point. I marched to CIC to make an announcement ordering the capture of the admiral, but before I entered, I spotted a very peeved doctor.

A doctor who was missing a hand.

I tried coaxing why she was at CIC, turns out the admiral had her hand removed. I didn't believe it and made for the CIC.

He was in there. Staring me down. Typing happily into the command console. I was too late.

COMMAND ANNOUNCEMENT:
CDR Joseph Clancy is plotting a mutiny, detain him.

Before I could react, the doctor shoved passed me and pulled out a pistol, and began gunning down the admiral. Seeing the opportunity (and the doctor fall to the ground from return fire), I pulled out my gun and shot the admiral with all 15 rounds.

Every single one into his head. After I did that, I pulled his revolver of his body, and began shooting him with that. When that ran out, I resorted to beating his bloodied corpse with my pistol.

It was over, the Almayer was saved.

But I doomed myself in the process. The next moment, MP flooded the room, stunbatonning everyone, including the LT bystanders. The WO was arrested, the doctor was arrested, I was arrested. Turns out the hatred of the admiral wasn't unanimous.

I was to be executed for treason and murder, but noone, not even the MP, were happy about executing me. Charlie squad assaulted the Brig, desperately trying to save me. I stood them down. The MPs had a mini-mutiny and tried to save me. The WO was battlefield executed. Lastly, the CL and a executive from WY tried to save me. I simply walked back to the Brig.

What I did was against the law, but I did it for justice.

The standing WO, Rahal, thanked me for what I did, even as he watched me get gunned down at my execution. And I think I even saw a tear when I gave him my last words:

Keep the civilians safe, Rahal. They're in your hands.

Long story short, I did a Green Mile with a dash of admin murdering. And it was the best damn round of CM I have ever played.

[johners12345]

shit happens



... I'm waiting to be treated.. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the mortality rate..

[johners12345]

PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] says, "We have no chicks in our team"
PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] says, "Sausage party"
LT Curtis Weeter says, "Great"
LT Curtis Weeter says, "God damnit"
L
LT Curtis Weeter says, "The first fucking thing i hear when I log into delta's comm is ''we have no chicks, sausage party''"

LT Elliot 'Smoker' Stamos says, "Whelp"

LT Telen Knatz laughs!
L
CPL Allyson Stange [Delta (Eng)] says, "Too bad i am here."
LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "... I just knew the first thing i would hear was ''sausage party'' I just.. had a feeling"
L
CPL Parker 'Cow' Unk [Delta (Med)] says, "Delta is a very diverse group of white people of both sexes."

LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "Greetings Delta, I'm your overwatch for the evening"

LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "Now hold on, you have ONE GIRL that I can see"
LT Curtis Weeter says, "Now hold on, you have ONE GIRL that I can see"

CPL Allyson Stange [Delta (Eng)] says, "Me and parker talked."

PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] asks, "Huh?"
PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] asks, "Ok Allyson?"

PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] says, "I didn't notice"

CPL Parker 'Cow' Unk [Delta (Med)] says, "We have two girls"
LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "Three girls"

PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] says, "WHAT"
PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] asks, "WHERE?"
LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "You also have Samantha Patches Clark"

CPL Parker 'Cow' Unk [Delta (Med)] says, "Fifteen thousand girls"
PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] says, "I only see 0 in briefing"
PFC Leo Pfeifer [Delta (Mar)] says, "Oh jaysus"
CPL Parker 'Cow' Unk [Delta (Med)] says, "We are an all girl squad"
CPL Samantha 'Patches' Clark [Delta (Med)] says, "Hey"
LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "Easy man, I heard she cuts off dicks for a living"

PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] says, "That's uh"
CPL Allyson Stange [Delta (Eng)] says, "Estogen power."
PFC Alvin Roberts [Delta (Mar)] asks, "Hot???"
PFC John 'Spartan' Murry [Delta (Mar)] asks, "Huh?"
LT Curtis Weeter [Delta (SO)] says, "... Alvin I'm going to schedule you for a psyche evaulation.."

[Aracino]

So we captured a human yesterday. We called them Handsy


Why did we call him Handsy?


A marine with no hands is as good as neutered >:3

[johners12345]

GLORY TO COMMANDER BILL CARSON!

[Rustarus]

I wonder, if both of your hands are cut off... can you do the *clap?

[Mattmaster77]

Always rush Queen.

[johners12345]

i wish i coulda posted clearly all of the chat I had with Delta, we talked about such lewd things

[Blade2000Br]

Always rush Queen.

I was that round and oh shit, you are rekt when you get back at the LZ-1...
claiming "heh, I killed the screecher!"

[Aracino]

Sadly, the single cyanide pill he had didn't kick in quick enough.

[Crab_Spider]

The Shitlord Sent

[Aracino]

The Shitlord Sent

Your image is weak, Crab Spider!

[TehSpoderman]

there is one time i called Asmodious a thot by accident. I meant to say Thor (His nickname). Needless to say, it was pretty damn funny.

[Crab_Spider]

When Marines retreat, xenos spend their time improving. In this photo, the xenos are making Detroit habitable again.

[YungCuz]

When Marines retreat, xenos spend their time improving. In this photo, the xenos are making Detroit habitable again.

How did that med sign get there

[spartanbobby]

How did that med sign get there

I did it and I can teach you how