Lar'ja Kv'var-de (Dark hunter) Whistles pred whitelist app.

[Whistle]

I would actually prefer to redo the story before this gets reviewed, as per Noize's request, this I do for the benfit of the character I wish to play, not for improving ones chances to be whitelisted.

That said I have just been called into work when I had planned to do it, I have no problem waiting further however.

[Whistle]

Updated story, One of a few parts, more to come on the morrow.

► Show Spoiler

Part one, Quarry
Hunters, Yautja, Hish-qu-Ten, Predators.
we have lived by many names.

What ever etching was left in the stones of civilizations around the universe there has always been blood, ichor and death.
In the name of Cetanu, our lord of release, my hunt was no different.



I feel so old compared to that day, unsure, trying to prove myself to a power greater than myself and the kin around me, two of which expressionless faces hidden behind their biomasks on either side of me.
Stiff, I can see it in my mind with the same clarity as I had while we waited to land, the male, muscular, facing away, crooking his neck and rolling his shoulders, limbering out the inexperience with a jangle of small bones from the necklace he adorned.
I peeked over my shoulder as we drew closer to the drop unsure what to do with myself, another male, just as large, at least taller than myself, glared deeply over my head into the bulkhead door and beyond into his imagination, an unusual green flash emanating from the eyes of his mask as he realized I was watching, with a tilt down to appraise me moments passed until he finally gave a nod of acknowledgement.

It was to be like any other hunt before us, to earn our place in society and return as equals.
The gods had other plans.

Green Eyes had proven himself quite the marksman, snaring two upon his spear in one smooth throw across such a distance, I marveled at him as he pulled them down from the tree they were hanging limply off of, the hot liquid draining from their bodies.

Skull Bones had different methods, his quarry taking him to the edge of a ravine that dropped sharply into another gorge... they fought as they fell, the beast thrice the size of the hunter and with more sharp ends than one could count, but it was really the teeth he was proud to display, the lower jaw was shortly bolted to the front of his mask, mimicking the grin he was no doubt sporting beneath.

Mine was when it all went wrong.

I watched patiently, as these two retrieved their trophies, from the shadows I took note of their skills, the way they skipped forward a step before the throw, the precision strikes beneath the veneer of brutality, all very exciting to behold, interesting.

Despite finding a suitable prey, protected in a den of it's kin, faster, sharper, more aware and so more honourable a trophy, I couldn't help but feel a weight in my heart.
Fear? No
Trepidation? maybe
Nothing felt right.
Perhaps they were signs from Cetanu, maybe my own weakness.

By the third day I was having doubts, I kept dancing the same steps I was taught growing up, yet I felt like I wasn't really there, the traps were set and prey confirmed.
I lit the fires and let their homes burn away, the den of my prey, scattering them into the grass, they looked like scythes through wheat.
I stood patiently past the first line of trees, waiting above as the grass swept soundlessly closer.

As it moved past the first tree the creature lost all sense of direction as up became down and it was pulled into the sky.
It scrambled, slashing wildly around itself, it's arms like two curved blades ending in claws, Damascus steel made from meat that would tear open the trap wrapped around it's leg as soon as it gathered its cognition.

Eye to eye it could not see me as it writhed, barely out of reach I raised my spear without a sound.
Muscles tensed ready to lunge into the beasts core and yet I could not move, as If the cold dark hands of the Black hunter had reached inside and stayed my heart I froze.
With a thud it cut itself free and hit the floor, within a second it was out of sight.
I felt nothing, all the expectation was nothing compared to the reality and I lowered my spear.

Before I could even process what I was going to do next the branch snapped beneath me, hitting three more on the way down I struck the floor with a resounding thump.

Face filled with nothing but dirt and head as empty as the day I was born, I rolled over.

"You shouldn't drop your guard."

The figure above beat me down with a gauntleted fist and I was greeted by darkness.

More to come.

[LordeKilly]

I don't think it's fair to allow editing the story months after it's been posted. You posted what you posted for a reason, if you plan on writing another story you should have to make a new application like other people. Just because you're staff shouldn't make you an exception.

[Whistle]

I don't think it's fair to allow editing the story months after it's been posted. You posted what you posted for a reason, if you plan on writing another story you should have to make a new application like other people. Just because you're staff shouldn't make you an exception.

I was requested to update the story.
It has also been about three months, if people would prefer a new app then fine.

At the moment im more interested in creating a character that I'd want to play more so than generic pred #35

[Sarah_U.]

Just try to better format the text to avoid strikes (Annoying to read imo). Otherwise I stick to my initial review of the app and my expectations for you are all the same. Still holding a +1 in hopes to see you around.

[forwardslashN]

Killy has a point about everyone else making new apps. That story is way better than what it was prior. It's not exactly short, but it's intriguing enough to make me want to know what happens next. And it's also been like a week or so, and it's still incomplete.

[Feweh]

Any final thoughts before i make a decision on this?
Been in limbo long enough and its very mized

[Feweh]

This is accepted after a lengthily time.