The Adventures of Adan Howard: Part One.

[Enceri]

Where should I start... oh, yes!
Liaison Adan 'Digger' Howard. On one such day, Liaison Howard awake quite happily from his slumber, hearing the quiet ding, knowing they had finally arrived. He sat up, yawning. Adan reached for his headset, securing it into place on his left ear.

"Morning Sulaco! Liaison Adan Howard reporting in-.." He stopped before finishing his sentence. He heard a familiar voice.. a voice he thought he'd never have to hear again.

"Morning Liaison. Executive Officer Barnabus Jones, reporting in." Adan could hear the smugness.. the cruel sickness of the XO's voice. He knew he had Adan trapped.

"Ah.. morning Mr. Jones. PLEASURE to be serving with you." What a dirtbag..

Adan then began zoning out, looking over all his stuff and y'know, Corporate Goon Liaison stuff.

He began muttering to himself, wishing Mr. Jones would just go to cryogenics, and sleep the rest of the mission.. but alas, what Adan didn't know was his headset was sending everything he was saying to the ship, and ultimately the devil himself. XO Jones.

Adan only had enough time to look up, when he saw the brute, Barnabus Jones, running towards his office, and slammed down on the shutter button. Thank God he insisted we had that installed..

"Mr. Jones, what do you think you're doing?!"

"I'm getting ready to hand out an ass-whooping to a little sissy brat."

Adan shivered. Flashbacks to his old life, to his stepfather kicked in. No.. He shook his head. "Mr. Jones, I recommend you stand-down immediately and tend to the marines. Do YOUR job."

"I will do mine Howard, but just a warning.. don't leave your office. I'll know."

At that, Mr. Jones left for the bridge, not to be seen or heard from for the next 30-40 minutes. I took his warning to heart, not planning on leaving my room unless ABSOLUTELY needed. As he was writing a very aggressive report to Weyland-Yutani about Mr. Jones, he heard a bang from inside his backroom. Slightly nervous, he got up, pulling out his small holdout pistol. As he quickly opened the door and aimed, there was a lone Maintenance Technician, by the name of Mya Miller.

"What's up bitch, where's your fucking Yutani Sake." What a perfect example of life on a Marine ship..

"Excuse me? What the FUCK are you doing in my office?"

"Did I stutter bitch? Where's your Sake?" She took a single menacing step towards me, and I quickly pointed to where it was, in my safe. After that, she sat down, and thus downed the entire bottle.

After that encounter, she left, and Adan called the CO down to my office to have a little meeting about XO Jones' behavior. As the CO said he was outside, Adan hesitated before opening his shutters. Could.. could this be a trap? Him and the CO hadn't gotten along quite well in the past few times they've spoken.. but better safe than sorry!

Adan ran into his private quarters, and checked the cameras. Adan gasped aloud, at what his eyes showed infront of him. 3 MPs, XO Jones, and the CO.

"Commander.. why have you betrayed me?" Adan whispered quietly into the headset.

"You know what I said Adan.. no more wasting my precious time.." And at that, he walked off, one of the MPs standing outside my office. I was under office-arrest.. by the people who were supposed to be saving lives. The shift dragged on.. minutes became hours. The mission was in the midpoint, between failure and success. What could Adan do? He wrote Faxes, but the only replies insulted him. INSULTED HIM! Why? Because the High Command LOVED Barnabus.. He was a exceptionally good officer.

"Fuck my life.. I wish I wasn't stationed-.."

He heard someone request to speak to him. A young medic, by the name of Samantha Clark. They spoke for a bit, the MP standing menacingly outside his window, looking him in the eyes the entire time. As Clark said her goodbyes, and ran out, Adan was beginning to relax, and enjoy himself-

A BRUTE BARGED IN, ARMED WITH ONLY HIS FISTS. HE POINTED DIRECTLY AT ADAN AND SCREECHED; "ITS THROW-DOWN TIME BOY!" Adan stared horrified, unable to move! It was the one and only, Barnabus Jones!

Barnabus charged, picking Adan up, hoisting him over his shoulders, and THROWING HIM ACROSS THE OFFICE! Adan screamed for help, cried bloody murder, but no help came.

Barnabus began THRASHING ADAN across the desk, throwing his folders and paperwork all over!

What had I done to deserve this?!

Barnabus put Adan in a chokehold, saying "Time's up goon."

Adan soon blacked out, only to be awoken, sitting in a slightly dark hallway. "W-Wha-?"

His world went dark, as his face was shoved straight into a toilet. A FUCKING TOILET. Gurgling, screaming, unable to determine what was happening, Adan quickly blacked out again.

Before drifting into the sweet release of darkness, he had in the back of his voice, in a SLIGHT TEXAN DRAWL, "You came to the wrong rodeo cowboy."

When he awoke, an MP was standing over him, and XO Jones was long gone.

"Get cleaned up, you're embarassing yourself."

Adan nodded slowly, realizing what had happened. At that moment, he went back to his room, and DEMANDED XO JONES COME AND SPEAK TO HIM.

After a few minutes, a slight knock was heard on his door.

"Enter."

As the door opened, the temperature dropped in Adan's Office, as if Death himself had touched Adan.

"You wanted to speak?"

"Barnabus, I'm SICK and TIRED of the way you treat me. I want to show you I can hold my own.."

"What do you insis-... Adan." Barnabus began laughing halfway into realizing what Adan was suggesting. Adan got up, throwing up his hands. "Right now Barny. Me and you."

Barnabus sighed, still laughing, and got up. "If you insist you little brat."

As if the entire ship had come to watch, Adan's Officer was flooded with on-watchers. Barnabus had insisted Adan throw the first punch, and he did. Thus began the fight of his life. Adan came running up, throwing punches left and right, as Barnabus returned many! The fight felt like it lasted hours, but it lasted only mere minutes. At the end, the victor was clear. Adan Howard stood victoriously over Barnabus Jones' bloody and dying corpse- Alright, Adan got his ass WHOOPED. But he let Barnabus win.
This time.


One of the most horrifying rounds of my life.

[Mook476]

+1 Amazing and true story I was observing when the ass whoopings went down great story ADAN "ASSMUNCHER" HOWARD.

[Eonoc]

+10,000
It was a damn good round.

I've still won every other fight.
Don't worry Adan, one day you'll get me. One day.

[Nightwolf901]

Nyxia wanting to join on the D U N K E N I N G with Barny

[Enceri]

Nyxia wanting to join on the D U N K E N I N G with Barny

pls no

[Obscurify]

And then Rudy Acker saved him from the brink of death with a single sniper bullet again.

[TheMusician321]

needs more Waffles comrade.

[Enceri]

And then Rudy Acker saved him from the brink of death with a single sniper bullet again.

"saved him" more like

broke his heart 100 times

[Enceri]

needs more Waffles comrade.

youre the reason adan suffers through these pains, adan strives to wipe out all the communist aboard the sulaco

[shyshadow]

Just a depressing story, for the CL Adan.

[NoahKirchner]

lol gay

[Karmac]

Tfw Noah necros all the threads

[Avalanchee]

lol gay