Yeyin Luar-ke (Brave Moon)

[Aracino]

Byond ID: Aracino

Marine Name (so we know who you are, if you play alien mostly, state that here): Arac Mahan (Though I usually play Xeno)

Name of the character you want whitelisted (The name your predator will use. This must match your in-game predator name): Yeyin Luar-ke(Brave Moon)

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor? Yes. I've read it over twice as I'm writing this.

Character background (A very BRIEF description of your predators background): The hunter. The most esteemed role in Yautja society. The hunt is what the young dream of, and which the adults take great pleasure in executing. Yeyin was born to one of these tribes, a young Yautja destined to join in this age old profession. He trained for the entirety of his youth, practicing varied styles and finding his specialty in wrist blades. These he found to be fitting to his quick fighting style acutely, allowing him great control over how he was to approach situations. Yeyin thought to himself everyday that he wished to be like the tribes elder, strong, courageous, and powerful. He'd constantly watch the elder train and bring back trophies such as hides of large serpents, dwarfing every other hunters trophies in the tribe by miles. Yeyin thought that the elder was what every Yautja should aspire to be. Though, one Yautja who was one of the most notorious in the tribe called out the elder. Calling him old and weak, claiming he was more fit to hold the title of elder.

Yeyin saw the scene unfold, as something began building within him. The elder, weak!? How dare this whelp! He thought to himself as he watched the two experienced hunters circle each other, the elder made a move, and as he went to strike, the rival Yautja side stepped, and dug a scimitar-esque blade into his arm, slicing it open, as green blood sprayed across the ground. Yeyin was confused. How could this upstart get first blood on the elder? He believed him to be cheating. The elder roared in defianced as he clawed the side of the younger predator, drawing blood with his wrist blade. They continued clashing blades for what seemed like hours, both hunters bloodied and wounded, though neither ready to quit. Yeyin continued to watch, fists clenched as he knew the elder could beat this man, it was impossible for him to lose. But as he thought that, he suddenly heard something hit the ground, a meaty thud. Bright colored blood sprays across the ground, as another thud was heard. Yeyin looked at the decapitated corpse of the elder, who had just made a horrible misstep in their melee. He looked to the victorious hunter, roaring in victory and holding the elder's bio-mask as a trophy of his hard-earned victory. Yeyin roared out in anguish. HOW COULD HE LOSE!? He was the greatest hunter... Though Yeyin couldn't accept the fact that the elder has lost, he had never seen anyone even come this close to wounding him, never the less killing him! Had those words been true? He could not accept this. He looked down at the dead body of the elder before leaving. He had a lot to think about.

From this moment, he was determined to surpass this usurper. He wants to be stronger than the elder to remove this hunter from power and avenge the honor of the fallen elder. He would begin to hunt with other unblooded such as himself, beginning to get a feel for hunts. His first hunt would be soon after the death of the elder, his group being sent to hunt and kill wild beasts with poisoned spines lining their back that could kill the fools who would be pricked by such a spine. They were given nothing but their combi-sticks to stay the deadly beasts. Yeyin abandoned any who'd attempt to follow him, intent to hunt alone and claim the glory for himself. He ran through the dank swamps they were dropped into, avoiding deadly creatures that inhabit the land by coating himself in dirt and mud to hide from their prying eyes, keeping low and through the dirt, spearing any who got too close. But he was too intent on killing his main quarry, the poisoned spined beast. He searched through the jungle for days for the creature, using what remained of the creatures who attacked him for nourishment. By his fourth day in the swampy area, never spying another Yautja for the previous few days, he'd finally spot the prey he had come so far to kill. It sat in a muddy puddle, drinking the dirty fluids with a long snout like appendage. He ran at it the moment he saw it, roaring out a battle cry as he extended his combi-stick he held so dearly these past few days, ready to for some worthy blood to coat it's tip. He leaped from a top of a tree, driving his combistick into the side of the creature, as the spines began to raise. He ripped it out before poisoned spines shot out and flew towards Yeyin. Yeyin ducked in a water as the spines flew out, feeling several miss him slightly. He couldn't mess up. He stepped forwards again as the creature turned its back to reveal its spine covered back, the spines larger than the Yautja's own combi-stick...He'd run to its side, the creature attempting to follow his movements before the quill like spines were ready to shoot out again. He needed to kill it quick, though the only head he could spot in that mass of spines was covered in the poisoned spines as well. He'd make a risky strike, attempting to break the quills that protected it's face. He'd succeed in not only that, but amputating the long snout of the creature. He'd continue to do this tactic of breaking off spikes and striking exposed areas, before eventually caving in the skull of the creature with repeated spearings with his combi-stick. He'd look down at it, before taking the snout from the creature which he had removed earlier as his trophy. After this victory, he'd be sent on many more hunts, more dangerous than the last, having not yet proved to his clan that he was any more than a young blood, and he's eager to please.

How do you intend to play your predator (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your predator. This will weigh HEAVILY and frequently breaking from this MAY result in removal)? My predators play style will be more leaning towards stalking. My favorite aspect of a predator's hunt is the build up to the inevitable hunt itself, toying with prey and making them fear for their lives as they're constantly seeing the face of their future killer taunting them from the shadows. I don't intend to make this dull for either party, as the predator I'll play will be active and will try to make sure that those he hunts are ready for when he'll inevitably come looking for those who have proven to be worthy of being his prey.

Why should we whitelist you? I feel like I can bring better RP as a predator to the server, and to the community as a whole. I love RP and this server is one of the funner (and first) servers on the listings. I've been holding off on this for a while now, but I feel like I've been on the server long enough to at least be known to some, despite my usual preference for xenos.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)? I have not, though for those who don't have access to my notes I'll leave them here. I've gotten a couple, while some of the earlier ones I was new to SS13 in general and rightly was warned for doing things like that, later actions I did and regret. Hopefully you can look pass those as I've not gotten any new notes as of late, and hope to not get anymore in the future if all possible. https://gyazo.com/29568575768e8a6351b6ad05e3d2c366 - Notes

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why? None.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor? Yes.

[Scrat505]

The backstory is okay, gives an interesting motive. However it doesn't cover any of his hunts in specific, so we do not know how he fights, or how he became blooded - not to say such a thing is required, but the backstory doesn't tell the reader much about the Predator themselves but instead events around them. The playstyle is also pretty uninspired and a good deal of it is simply expected of a Predator, such as sticking close to the honor code.

It's well written structure wise but I have difficult discerning anything that stands out.

Sticking with Neutral for now.

[Heckenshutze]

Ok, first thing, your pred name is already taken. Did you asked for it before application? ..

Second, Liked the history wanted to see how it will end with the killer of your father (also you're cold as fuck, you just pledged for the one that decapped your daddy)

Third but more important, it's hard for players that go xeno get whitelisted since xenos got no name and no way to identify players.. saying this I haven't seen your marine yet so I don't know how do you play.

My advice? Make yourself a name as a marine and we'll see. Neutral for now.

[Aracino]

I've edited the story to be more lore friendly, and the name, of course.

Edit: Forgot to re-include the part where he pledged himself to the person who beat his idol (now being the elder) but eh, it doesn't add much to the story.

[Boltersam]

Kind've meh forum activity, and the usual problem of Xeno players not being recognisable.

Honestly, the story wasn't all that impressive. Sure, you described an EPIC BATTUHL between an Elder and an elite (I think? It was pretty unclear.), but that's not what we're looking for. You need to give me, rather, us, the people who read these apps, a reason to care about your Predator. Very little was done to build any form of character for him, it was mostly just him watching them fight, and then being shocked and angry that the elder lost. His idol. After that, we get a little sidetrack into him killing an unnamed thingy. Killing thingies, regardless of name, is a plague on pred apps, because the writers seem more content on making EPIC BATTUHLS WHERE GRISTENING MUSCLE PRED RIP MONSTER TO SHRED AFTER LONG HARD FIGHT, than building actual character and personality. You've given me no reason to care about your Predator, as you've essentially written two battles, one as a spectator, and one actively partaking. It was also rather short.

The playstyle is really, REALLY uninspired. HUNT FROM THE SHADOWS, TOY WITH MY PREY, HUNT WORTHY PEOPLE.
That's what predators already do, in ADDITION to their playstyles. Don't get me wrong, if it ain't broke don't fix it, but here's where you're supposed to put something that marks you as special. And yes, I use that word loosely, but fact remains that every Predator has their quirks, they're not all bland copies of eachother.

Most importantly is your game activity. We can't really judge your RP ability or your activity because you play Xeno. Fact of the matter is, if you want to be known as a good roleplayer, you'll need to be playing as a Marine.

-1.

[Aracino]

Well since it's obvious where this is going, can I request for this to be closed and I'll try again in two months?

[TehSpoderman]

Well since it's obvious where this is going, can I request for this to be closed and I'll try again in two months?

aw dont be discouraged.

[jusa297]

aw dont be discouraged.

It's really discouraging to see a Bolter -1. It's a dead sentence, because he exposes all the flaws in your story for everyone to see. All those things that you say "Damn, i hope they don't notice" or you didn't even thought about for everyone to see, and think "Damn, now that i notice..." And it leaves you helpless, knowing that it will be denied, and you can't do anything about it. You just want to get it over with to make a newer, more refined app that maybe and just maybe could meet the standards of our Boltersempai.

Onto the app itself, i'll give it a -1. As said by Sam, you have to add that bit of spicy meatball to your gameplay, otherwhise, you just become Pred 101, and not Brave moon. Good luck on your retry though.

[Feweh]

Denied and closed as requested