ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de (Lurking Hunter) Pred Application

[Finefire984]

Byond ID:
Finefire984

Marine Name (so we know who you are, if you play alien mostly, state that here):
Michael Carrio

Name of the character you want whitelisted (The name your predator will use. This must match your in-game predator name):
ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de (Lurking Hunter)

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor?
Yep

Character background (A very BRIEF description of your predators background):
-CRUNCH-

"Shh! Be quiet! We're close to the last sighting of the creature. We don't know if it's still here, so we need to keep it down."
"My bad, sarge."

The group of 5 marines continues in the temple that ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de was last seen. He's a very territorial hunter and had marked the temple as his hunting grounds. He enjoys when random creatures wonder in his hunting ground because it gives him a chance to get prey. Ever since he was a young blood, he has seen this as one of the best ways to hunt prey. They prey mark themselves by challenging the yautja whilst in his hunting grounds. The yautja also places hunting traps so if something steps on it, then faith chose them to be prey.

ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de takes out his wristblades and uncloaks in front of the marines. The marines start to shoot and the yautja chases after the marines and attacks them with his wristblades. The marines retreat except one brave soul that is determined to kill the yautja.

The marine's name is Michael Carrio. He had a hard past with abusive parents and bullies at school. He joined the Colonial Marines when he turned 8 to get away from it all. He want to do something that his parents will be proud of so he can earn their respect. He was sent on this mission to see why a colony sent a distress signal. Another squad reported a sighting of a strange creature that attacked them in a temple. The creature just happened to be ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de.

ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de get behind Michael and then uncloaks. Michael turns around as looks the yautja down. He then says, "There you are. You're the one that is causing all these problems that I'm hearing about."

ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de responds with, "Why did you decide to stay in the temple and challenge me? Do you need to prove you're better than me? You have a lot of guts, ooman. That's the type of prey I like to hunt down."

Michael doesn't understand the yautja, but he gets his plasma rifle and shoots at him. Michael get in 5 successful shots before ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de takes out his wrist-blades and starts to dodge the bullets. He jumps behind Michael and gives him a hard push. Michael falls to the ground and then realizes how hard of a fight it's going to be. "You're stronger than I expected. I like a challenge." Michael gets up and throws a grenade at the yautja. ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de attempts to get out of the way, but is hit by the blast. He's thrown into Michael and they both go flying into a wall.He then slashes at Michael and hits his leg. Blood comes pouring out of the leg and Michael winces in pain. He eventually gets up and shoots ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de in the head. The yautja decides that it's time to finish the fight and stabs Michael in the chest. Michael falls down and attempts to get up. The pain prevents Michael from making any attempt at getting up. He knows that it's the end and memories flash by him.

ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de goes to Michael and instead of finishing him off he asks, "What made you decide to challenge me?"

Michael doesn't understand the yautja and instead spits on him. ka'Torag-na-kv'var-de starts laughing and then stabs Michael in the throat killing him. He chops of Michael's head and puts it with the others as a trophy.

How do you intend to play your predator (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your predator. This will weigh HEAVILY and frequently breaking from this MAY result in removal)?
I will focus on hunting with only wrist-blades and hunting traps. I'll also make a small area that I'll stay in while hunting. The area will most likely change every time I play hunter, but I'll try to keep my list of locations the same so it would be easy to track my game play. I'll chase off marines and aliens that enter the area by hitting them a couple times with my wrist-blades. I'll mark my prey by the people that either run onto my hunting traps, or if they keep entering my area after multiple attempts at chasing them off.

Why should we whitelist you?
I feel like I've increased my role-playing since the last time I made a pred application. I also feel like becoming a predator will help increase my role-playing. This will also help me enforce pred rules as staff more than I can now because I'd be able to see the situation in a predator point of view.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)?
nope

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why?
nope

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?
Yep

[doodeeda]

If your hunting area is too small and out of the way, you may not get any traffic. Might be interesting if you put it somewhere in the center though where marines or xenos usually set up in the meta. Unique idea with lots of potential. Also, if you get accepted, I suggest you at least try out the other tools and weapons in your arsenal! Wristblades are great, but you may find that you really like a certain weapon or discover it to be perfect for your playstyle. Don't discount everything else so soon.

[Nick123q23]

I like most parts about your app, but you lost me at the story. There's no language barrier, and it actually gives your marine more backstory than it gives Ka'Torag
Then it goes on until the fight sequence, which is all done in a single paragraph and it's boring to read. There's also some minor problems, like a regular marine armed with a plasma rifle.

I personally haven't seen you in game enough to know how you play.

However, like Doodeeda said, your playstyle is interesting and can be done ingame.

[Finefire984]

I like most parts about your app, but you lost me at the story. There's no language barrier, and it actually gives your marine more backstory than it gives Ka'Torag
Then it goes on until the fight sequence, which is all done in a single paragraph and it's boring to read. There's also some minor problems, like a regular marine armed with a plasma rifle.

I personally haven't seen you in game enough to know how you play.

However, like Doodeeda said, your playstyle is interesting and can be done ingame.

I play video games, I don't make books. I personally don't know why the main focus is the backstory since not everyone is an author. I'm sure you've seen me in game, I've just never stuck out. I don't really remember names unless they were in a big part of the round with me and I've said the name a lot.

[MrMafioso]

I play video games, I don't read books. I personally don't know why the main focus is the backstory since not everyone is an author. I'm sure you've seen me in game, I've just never stuck out. I don't really remember names unless they were in a big part of the round with me and I've said the name a lot.

I agree with Fire here, we shouldn't focus on the language when creating a Predator applications as most just want to make the round more exciting for others, not only that but many good players struggle to write good English due to it not being their first language or they are just generally not very good at writing interesting things such as myself. Which means I suggest we stop judging em off so much by their damn backstory!

[Blade2000Br]

I agree with Fire here, we shouldn't focus on the language when creating a Predator applications as most just want to make the round more exciting for others, not only that but many good players struggle to write good English due to it not being their first language or they are just generally not very good at writing interesting things such as myself. Which means I suggest we stop judging em off so much by their damn backstory!

You just invoked the indespicable rage of a grammar nazi god.
It's name? Boltersam.

You will pay for this blasphemy.

[shyshadow]

Alright, alright. I get not everyone is an author; however you've made your backstory into an actual story. This is a story about your character, and yet you write it as if it's a scene in a book or something. Regardless if English is your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. I'm sure you've written an essay or a summary, your backstory in my opinion should be similar to that. Yet you've fallen face first in the dirt only to wipe it off instead of cleaning yourself with soap and water. The story tells very little about your character, there's no personality no development no anything.
You only say that he thinks hunting in a small area with traps is the best way to hunt, okay? Very little actual originality, you play as a generic self crippling hunter.
So that makes you special? I get being standard isn't a bad thing but we need a strong backstory to support what you actually know of predator/alien universe. Another thing I noticed you put "plasma rifle", I doubt this is a typo considering the vast difference between the two. While the will is existent you clearly lack the effort needed to be a predator.
Your reasoning to be a predator though, that really stuck out to me. Mostly because you want it also to moderate predators better? Last time I checked that's mostly exclusive to the Head of Staff. I don't feel like you want this role to let others have fun or really any other reason.
In my opinion the predator whitelist is so others can have a more enjoyable experience, though that's just my own opinion.
While I don't have the whitelist myself, I don't feel you are ready to have this whitelist. -1.

Also, I get why you think backstory shouldn't matter as much but you should accept that it is important and dedicate yourself into this application. If you believe you should have this whitelist work at improving the qualities in which are demanded of someone with said whitelist, the biggest person responsible for being accepted or denied is you, Head of Staff choose to accept or deny you. Though you choose if the application is an acceptable standard.

[Mark Wilson]

Alright, alright. I get not everyone is an author; however you've made your backstory into an actual story. This is a story about your character, and yet you write it as if it's a scene in a book or something. Regardless if English is your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. I'm sure you've written an essay or a summary, your backstory in my opinion should be similar to that. Yet you've fallen face first in the dirt only to wipe it off instead of cleaning yourself with soap and water. The story tells very little about your character, there's no personality no development no anything.
You only say that he thinks hunting in a small area with traps is the best way to hunt, okay? Very little actual originality, you play as a generic self crippling hunter.
So that makes you special? I get being standard isn't a bad thing but we need a strong backstory to support what you actually know of predator/alien universe. Another thing I noticed you put "plasma rifle", I doubt this is a typo considering the vast difference between the two. While the will is existent you clearly lack the effort needed to be a predator.
Your reasoning to be a predator though, that really stuck out to me. Mostly because you want it also to moderate predators better? Last time I checked that's mostly exclusive to the Head of Staff. I don't feel like you want this role to let others have fun or really any other reason.
In my opinion the predator whitelist is so others can have a more enjoyable experience, though that's just my own opinion.
While I don't have the whitelist myself, I don't feel you are ready to have this whitelist. -1.

Also, I get why you think backstory shouldn't matter as much but you should accept that it is important and dedicate yourself into this application. If you believe you should have this whitelist work at improving the qualities in which are demanded of someone with said whitelist, the biggest person responsible for being accepted or denied is you, Head of Staff choose to accept or deny you. Though you choose if the application is an acceptable standard.

I have to agree with Odd here -1

[Boltersam]

The backstory is subpar. Shy got to it first and has pointed out the issues with it.
Except for the part where your predator speaks perfect English for some reason, and translators aren't an excuse because they're shit.
EDIT: I went back and read the story again. The Marine has a plasma rifle. I'll take a line from the original review draft; this story was a massive clusterfuck of predator and human mangling together for no apparent reason.

The playstyle is very meh, and it doesn't really give rise to anything interesting.

I admit, Shy stole a lot of my thunder on this app. I had this huge thing and everything then he points out all the issues and I have to make a crappy short response.

Fire, I've seen you around, but you've never done anything really notable in regards to roleplay. In addition, the app is shit and you can improve a LOT of what you've done here.

Now. In regards to not judging language for apps.
As long as the backstory is a major part of the app and you're required to do well in it, I'm going to shit on terrible language as I damn well please. English being your second language isn't an excuse. It's my second of four languages and I speak and write as well in English as I do Italian. If your first language in English, this applies doubly so. Work HARD. If you go in with the mindset of "I can do shit on the backstory and just say English is my second language", then you shouldn't be making an app.

This is not directed at Fire, it's just the complaint of criticising language.

I'm declaring this app as

► Show Spoiler

FUCKING RAW
You could have put in far more effort than you did.

[Feweh]

More feedback requried.

Skeptical on this one, your English is generally poor and I don't notice you much in-game. (which is both a good and bad thing)

[NescauComToddy]

About this app, there is not much to be said that has not been, said.

Even if Fine's English is not the best, he has contributed a lot to the community since he joined the staff, doing a nice job.

The way you intend to play is not very unique, but it is acceptable. I have to admit that your background was not the best, but it does not matter much to me. Unfortunately, I've never witnessed any memorable in-game interaction with you, so I can not confirm that you're a good RPer.

Honestly, you can make a much better application than this. You do not need to be an author, have a little determination and I'm sure you can be whitelisted. For now, I would recommend you wait two months and strive to do something better than this app.

[Feweh]

Even if Fine's English is not the best, he has contributed a lot to the community since he joined the staff, doing a nice job.

Has no effect on whitelisting.

[Finefire984]

I'll get this whitelist app out of here and deny it myself.

[Feweh]

Denied