Guan H'dlak (Doktor710)

[Doktor710]

Byond ID:
Doktor710

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here):
Sergey Vorobyev

Name of the character you want whitelisted (The name your predator will use. This must match your in-game predator name):
Guan H'Dlak

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor?
Yes.

Character background (An ADEQUATE description and story of your predators background):

► Show Spoiler

Guan H'Dlak was born in the Ju'dha dto bpi-de clan which was situatied on a tropical ocean planet, his childhood was very regular, of course he was dreaming about the hunt constantly just like most Yautjas.
Once Guan was mature enough and became Young Blood he, as every young blood predator does, flew to a far planet, which was called "R'ka dhi'ki-de".
Before, Guan already was attending a hunt there, but he killed no one, just a regular hunt... Except one thing... During the hunt one of the young blood died, he was found dead on a tree with a hole in his chest. A Xenomorph? No, it was a fellow Yautja's weapon. His death was so sudden, that he didn't even have time to activate his bracer before succumbing to his wounds.
Once, during a regular hunt, Yautjas H'ulij-bpe Lar'ja and Setg'in Tarei'hsan gone... Well, only one, Setg'in was found dead with a hole in his chest. After examining the video, recorded by Setg'in's mask, it was now clear that H'ulij-bpe had killed him from the behind a dishonorable and cowardly act. Why he didn't activate the bracers to self destruct?.. there could only be one answer.
Ship landed, Yautjas splitted and started the hunt. Guan is walking around in the forest and... What is this, is this an alien? Yes! It's alien serpent! Looks like it's the first Guan's prey, fight has started... Serpent is getting pinned, one slash and... Finally, Guan is blooded, his dream is now became true, time to cut off his head and take it.
This time however Guan was experienced, he had killed 5 serpents, he was already blooded. It was time to end the hunt and return to the ship, but while he was walking to a ship he found a fellow Yautja's body... with a hole in his chest... Suddenly, another Yautja appears out of the vegetation... It's H'ulij-bpe... Instead of attacking Guan he took a look at Guan looking him up and down before he said "You seem to be a good hunter... before I kill you let me tell you a story, you deserve it for getting this far. H'ulij commited a small chuckle "I think you know about Setg'in's death?. I killed him, have you ever thought of hunting on your fellow Yautjas? I went to hunt Yautjas not to hunt R'kas, I wanted to see what it would feel like hunting on Yautjas, they say it's crazy and dishonorable? Maybe, but now I have my own code of honor and my own way of hunt, all these years I've been training and hunting other Yautjas, Setg'in was only my first prey. I've been killing Yautjas and taking their hearts for my own personal collection. All these years I have been waiting for a worthy Yautja to fight me in a duel, others were either Young Blood, or just trash, but now I have found you and I hope to get a worthy duel I have been waiting for, now come and fight me, we will see who comes out on top."
H'ulij-bpe and Guan activated their wristblades and the clash started with their wristblades slashing, and stabbing everywhere. The fight was brutal with both of them chipping off eachothers armor slowly but surely until it was just their nets and bare skin facing eachother. H'ulij-bpe went for a slash, but he was fooled! Guan ducked under the wide slash and impaled H'ulij-bpe in the chest driving his wrist blade deep. Guan now victorious brought H'ulij-bpe closer to his face only to hear the words "It was an honor fighting with you". Guan than sliced H'ulij-bpe's throat and took his mask off as a reminder of the fight and as a trophy. Guan activated H'ulij-bpe's bracers and set them to "Self Detonate". Guan returned to the ship injured to get healed, but the scars remained on his body with a quite large scar on his chest reminding him daily of the battle with the Bad Blood.

How do you intend to play your predator (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your predator)?
Of course, I will follow the code of honor and every my action will be restricted by it. I will try to focus on interesting situations and roleplay, my goal is to make rounds more interesting for other players, not just rushing to a FOB and dying there (For example). Every special and whitelisted role is required to make the round better and more interesting to other players, like regular traitors in vanilla SS13 for example. You can't just kill people and call it fun, it's funny only to you, but not other players who can't play the round anymore (At least as a marine). As about my playing style, I am going to play stealthily and trying to not kill others if my life isn't in danger. (For example, if a group of marines is shooting me very hard I will start killing them as my life is in danger and it's their own decision to attack the predator and be endangered.) Of course, I am not going to kill too weak or heavily injured aliens/marines, only prey that really can be a challenge for me, like an elite hunter.

Why should we whitelist you?
If you will whitelist me I am willing to make rounds better and interesting. I think being a predator is very interesting, and I feel that I am good enough with roleplaying, so I can make the rounds really interesting. I think there are not enough predators that really RP and make interesting situations (Most of staff member predators are good, by the way), so I want to change it, if I got captured by marines somehow and I can't activate self-destruction why not accept that and continue roleplaying even if I am going to die? Researcher and marines will get an interesting situation and their round will become much better and more than just shooting aliens.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)?
No.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why?
No.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?
Yes.

P.S. Sorry if there are any mistakes in the text shrug. Also, if you have any questions or you didn't understand something, feel free to ask me.

[Symbiosis]

Not sure how I feel about Guan becoming blooded by hunting Drones. They're generally not honorable prey - would've left the Serpents he hunted mysterious or not described in specific nature.

Your story doesn't build on the Predators desires on the hunt - what he seeks above all else. Your play style touches on it (difficult prey) but the story focused on the lowliest of Serpents.

As for knocking on the current Preds (other than most of the staff), I'd ask if you brought up any concerns with the specific Pred players you have a less than positive view of?

Overall; I'm not going to nitpick your verbiage choice or grammar as you're doing your best to put it in a non-native language and that itself is laudable. You've proven yourself as a Moderator over time (a sizeable time investment) and that's definitely a positive.

I'm going to remain heavily neutral leaning towards -1 due to the above reasons. I'd definitely flesh out the Hunter more from a personality, equipment, and drive standing.

[Doktor710]

-snip-

"Drones" part was a mistake that remained from the first version of the story, I already fixed it.

^

Well, I think Steelpoint isn't playing nice for real, never seen anything interesting from his predator, everything I remember about his predator is exploding in the FOB (He just went there right in the crowd of marines, got shot and exploded himself) and I heard a cause of a killed runner who was AFK. It more looks like he's playing for himself, he's making nothing interesting or good for other players to be remembered at least. (Sorry, Steelpoint, if you are reading this, but it's true)

People often don't like my whitelist applications because of lack of details, I know that it's one of my main problems. I don't know much about equipment so I can't tell much about this, also, I thought that text will define my character as a brave, strong and honorable predator, it is possible I didn't show his personality enough. I am always better at showing my personality in game than in text, apologies.

P.S.

drive standing

Didn't get what you meant by that, eh.

[Symbiosis]

Drive to hunt* - damn T9 on my phone. Sorry about that!

[Mook476]

I like the story and I know that you're competent enough to fill out not only the game play side of predator but the role play aspect as well. I liked the story and I won't judge it harshly due to the language barrier it's damn well good in my opinion. I know how it feels to struggle with english so that much sucks. I like your story and your style of pred shows you understand the honor code. Killing a bad blood was a new, and interesting or rather refreshing take on a pred story. I believe you're ready to be a predator. +1

Hopefully you'll join us on the hunt.

[Ghostdex]

The story wasn't terrible but it wasnt that great to me, I won't nitpick your grammar, much like Symbiosis. However I'm not sure how I feel about Guan taking the bad bloods mask as a trophy.

I haven't seen you much in game so I don't know your character, so there is not much to say there.

I'm going to vote neutral on this with the possibility to change.

[Doktor710]

However I'm not sure how I feel about Guan taking the bad bloods mask as a trophy.

I first thought about making him just taking it with him and bringing it back to the clan, but I thought it's not that interesting. I know that it's a bit strange, but it still can take place.

[Renomaki]

Eh, I'll be honest, the backstory was rather meh and uninteresting. Of course, I normally don't care about backstories too much, since I focus more on playstyle. Although, the mention of killing 5 xenomorphs of the "drone caste" seems a bit iffy... Drones, while they can be deadly, are normally not focused on my predators (at least in game) due to the fact that they are not bred for combat. It would be like beating up a beefy construction worker, who while still tough, isn't quite as dangerous as something like a samurai warrior or a spec-ops commando.

as for the playstyle, which is where I normally focus, it is humble. Generic stuff, nothing special. It doesn't tell us much about your fighting style, or provide much detail in how you'd make things more "interesting" (which, by the way, you used that word more than you should have, I gotta say). Not even an idea of what kind of personality that they might have. I'm not sure how much thought you put into this, but I think you rushed it a tad too much here...

... Thinkin back, don't you think an elder would be overseeing this hunt? If a fellow predator suddenly gone bad and started effortlessly murdering everyone, you'd think the elder would take notice, right?

[Doktor710]

Eh, I'll be honest, the backstory was rather meh and uninteresting. Of course, I normally don't care about backstories too much, since I focus more on playstyle. Although, the mention of killing 5 xenomorphs of the "drone caste" seems a bit iffy... Drones, while they can be deadly, are normally not focused on my predators (at least in game) due to the fact that they are not bred for combat. It would be like beating up a beefy construction worker, who while still tough, isn't quite as dangerous as something like a samurai warrior or a spec-ops commando.

Thank you for that comment, I thought I fixed that, "drone caste" is an old version of a backstory, I changed it.

Maybe my playstyle is a bit too generic and has nothing special, but yeah, I really want to focus on being interesting, that's why I was repeating that word so much. And, sadly, yes, I forgot to write more details about Guan's personality, I planned my character as an honorable, brave and strong Yautja. I don't know what did you really meant, but I plan to fight stealthily and accurately like I said.

Right, but Bad blood could hide somewhere, it's a planet and many places to hide, so yeah.

Sadly, I have problems explaining everything in the text and writing details, that's why I always have problems with applications.

[Renomaki]

Maybe my playstyle is a bit too generic and has nothing special, but yeah, I really want to focus on being interesting, that's why I was repeating that word so much. And, sadly, yes, I forgot to write more details about Guan's personality, I planned my character as an honorable, brave and strong Yautja. I don't know what did you really meant, but I plan to fight stealthily and accurately like I said.

Honorable and strong go without saying, for every Yautja who goes on the hunt is expected to have these traits. It is DRILLED into them from youth.

Bravery is also expected, but the amount of it varies. Some Predators are brave but know their limits, while others are stupid brave and throw their lives away senselessly.

However, personality is more than "being da toughest predatur der ever wuz". For instance, my Predator (No Fear Death) is mostly known to be social, playful (in that he loves to fuck with humans until they snap and go crazy) and also is known to care deeply for his fellow hunters, feeling sadness when they pass and expressing rage when their dead bodies are defiled for science.

Personality can go a long way to making a yautja more lively, and thus less "robotic". Give em a soul, so to speak.

[Doktor710]

-snip-

Everything you said is right, but, sadly, I have problems with expressing my character in text, it's much easier for me ingame.

[Mook476]

Eh, I'll be honest, the backstory was rather meh and uninteresting. Of course, I normally don't care about backstories too much, since I focus more on playstyle. Although, the mention of killing 5 xenomorphs of the "drone caste" seems a bit iffy... Drones, while they can be deadly, are normally not focused on my predators (at least in game) due to the fact that they are not bred for combat. It would be like beating up a beefy construction worker, who while still tough, isn't quite as dangerous as something like a samurai warrior or a spec-ops commando.

as for the playstyle, which is where I normally focus, it is humble. Generic stuff, nothing special. It doesn't tell us much about your fighting style, or provide much detail in how you'd make things more "interesting" (which, by the way, you used that word more than you should have, I gotta say). Not even an idea of what kind of personality that they might have. I'm not sure how much thought you put into this, but I think you rushed it a tad too much here...

... Thinkin back, don't you think an elder would be overseeing this hunt? If a fellow predator suddenly gone bad and started effortlessly murdering everyone, you'd think the elder would take notice, right?

Drones in lore are basically the most dangerous caste when it comes to lower castes so I don't think it's that bad. I also think a elder probably wouldn't right away oversee the hunt perhaps an Elite Predator (in lore they kill abominations, and bad bloods) would probably be around or over see unless they don't know about it.

[Kerek]

Sorry man, but I am going to have to -1 this, the story as itself wasn't too great, but that is alright. You don't take trophies from other Yautja, and taking on a blooded bad blood, bound to no code, who had just slaughtered another young blood with ease, and Guan manages to curb stomp the poor fellow. Overall, I disliked the application and don't really think it is up to par with the rest. Also, we know nothing really about your predator's personality type of thing, and nothing more than that hes just very average.

[Doktor710]

You don't take trophies from other Yautja, and taking on a blooded bad blood, bound to no code, who had just slaughtered another young blood with ease, and Guan manages to curb stomp the poor fellow.

Didn't get that sentence and what did you mean by it.

I already said about personality, yes, I forgot to write about it.

[Doktor710]

I fixed the story, adding more personality and fighting style.

[Renomaki]

I fixed the story, adding more personality and fighting style.

Strange... Aren't you normally locked out after an hour?

[Butlerblock]

Moderator permissions most likely allow him to edit his post even if it's locked

[Doktor710]

Moderator permissions most likely allow him to edit his post even if it's locked

Don't think so, it would at least tell me if it's locked.

[NescauComToddy]

Unfortunately, it was your moderator's permissions that enabled you to make an edit in your application. Eventually, you broke one of the requirements that was indicated by Rahl in the README.

Since you edited it 19 hours after the publication, I believe that you will not be approved because of this particular reason.

[Doktor710]

Unfortunately, it was your moderator's permissions that enabled you to make an edit in your application. Eventually, you broke one of the requirements that was indicated by Rahl in the README.

Since you edited it 19 hours after the publication, I believe that you will not be approved because of this particular reason.

Strange, I thought it will at least SHOW that it's locked.

[Doktor710]

Edit was removed, everything brought back. (Yes, it is 100% the same)

[shyshadow]

Everything that is wrong with this application has already been said, well except the grammar problems that are present within it. Like as long as you present a good grasp on proper grammar it's fine. It's just ehh, it bothers me a bit. Anyway, as stated by others it's bland, focuses less on your character and more on an event that occurred. Where's your character? Where's your drive? When writing a backstory, think about what your character would do. Now place them in a story that helps brings out their personality. You don't have to state how they behave. SHOW, and write, how they behave.

The backstory is grossly organized, there should be a fine distinction between sections of your application. You don't have to put a title, but it should easily transfer and continue to a next part of the story. I found it difficult to understand what was going on due to this, and the random name dropping. Remember, you're not only trying to impress the community but also head of staff, I doubt they're "as" caring about the lore. Obviously they care but, make their lives easier by giving some elaboration.

Overall, this application is mostly reckless and wasn't thought through well enough. Double check your work, or you won't get very far.
-1

[Feweh]

More feedback required.

[Feweh]

Anyone?

[Doktor710]

Anyone?

Maybe ask someone for feedback?