Paranoid marine theories.

[Hoodedhero]

I made a new character that is a caffeine powered paranoid engie, and i need ideas for some theories that he would make up.
Stuff that is absurd, like weyland yutani is run by synths or all convenience stores are in on a hitman crime network.

[Chaznoodles]

Command have purely the best intentions, and the MPs are just looking out for us.

[NorthernMaple]

WY intentionally made the pulse rifle bad to increase shotgun sales

[Sulaboy]

Liason is actually a synth because you've never seen him do some humanly task.

Souto is all the same flavor.

The tofu isn't tofu.

W-Y has been slowly cutting funding to the USCM, and that's why the engines are all broken.

[Hughgent]

Souto is all the same flavor.

Souto IS all the same flavor. ask any doctor to test it.

[ThesoldierLLJK]

Paper hats are the only way to protect you from brainwashing waves the company issued light bulbs are giving off.
Chemicals have been pumped into Souto that has turned all the marines Sterile
The Military Police are secret agents of the globalists and are trying to sabotage all the fire extinguishers on the Almayer.

Watch an hour of Alex Jones on Infowars and you will get plenty of ideas.

[Lorem123]

The tofu is actually just invisible.

[Maxim Inc]

42 is NOT the meaning of the universe but is actually 54.

[Heckenshutze]

MP's are xenos aliens in disguise that's why they're such griefers.

[spartanbobby]

Command have purely the best intentions, and the MPs are just looking out for us.

This is pretty much all you need

[ThesoldierLLJK]

The Chief Engineer is an over glorified janitor and holds no real authority

The UPP have hacked into the SMES and are stealing power, thus requiring the outputs to be lower than normal

Commander Bill Carson is a prototype synth for emulating human emotions but has malfunctioned and is stuck on angry mode

The M39 SMG is the most reliable weapon and all marines should be encouraged to carry it over the M41

Recent batches of Bicaridine are spoiled and should be recalled

The medbay incision management tools are defective and need to be replaced

The Company assures marines that one cannot overdose on Coffee

[KeyWii]

The triangle on the money

[FGRSentinel]

W-Y is in league with the bugs/lizards and worship them as gods. The colony was sacrificed for their cruel masters.

The "Commander Bill Carson" one is only true half the time though. He's stuck with angry and proud modes.

[Skimmy2]

The protein bars's "chocolate" is simply a coating of melted down other protein bars.

[Tetrino]

Jones is an experimental UPP listening post.

All smartguns come with AIs that will go berserk if Wey-Yu activates their signal or if they malfunction.

High Command has an intel division guy watching through hidden cameras in every rail flashlight.

MTs are deliberately keeping the reactors in poor repair so that they can't be fired.

[Kineem]

The cryopods were mixed with a series of chemicals by "the gubment", meant to break down their free will to make them receptive to orders and induce aggressive behavior in the marines to turn them into unthinking rabid murder machines, all in an attempt to make the ultimate soldier. They intend to turn the marines into nothing more than tools to be used for the USCM, and discard them once damaged.

The USCM can afford to provide quality, delicious meals to the marines but WY doesn't want to be outdone so they've struck a business deal. Marines are forced to eat sub-par meals from their vendors to make the packaged meals in Medbay's vending machine seem far greater than normal. Bonus points if Chubbs happens to be the Commander; claim he's hoarding all the good food the marines were supposed to eat in his office somewhere.

The Falling Falcons are actually the best fighting force the USCM has, they just pretend the marines are untrained shitheads with no good equipment in an attempt to psychologically trick them and make the marines try harder just to spite Command and prove everyone else wrong with grand accomplishments. But you see through their lies and you don't stand for it; be as lazy as possible while boasting about your personal accomplishments to explain why you're already the greatest.

[DankAnimemes]

I made a new character that is a caffeine powered paranoid engie, and i need ideas for some theories that he would make up.
Stuff that is absurd, like weyland yutani is run by synths or all convenience stores are in on a hitman crime network.

Only works on LV-624 but it is fucking golden. THE FOG IS SENTIENT. Marines encroached on the fogs territory so it sent fog monsters (aliens) to take righteous vengeance.

[FGRSentinel]

Only works on LV-624 but it is fucking golden. THE FOG IS SENTIENT. Marines encroached on the fogs territory so it sent fog monsters (aliens) to take righteous vengeance.

Fog God of the Jungle? That actually sounds hilarious. Bonus points for trying to make offerings to it afterwards. Extra bonus points if you make the offering just before the fog wall vanishes and you scream that the Fog God is pleased with the offering. Make all the Marines believe it.

[DankAnimemes]

Fog God of the Jungle? That actually sounds hilarious. Bonus points for trying to make offerings to it afterwards. Extra bonus points if you make the offering just before the fog wall vanishes and you scream that the Fog God is pleased with the offering. Make all the Marines believe it.

THE POWER OF FOG COMPELS YOU!

[misto]

obviously, the xenomorphs aren't real aliens or even living things, but remote-controlled combat synths that are simply constructed to look like monsters and scream like monsters. this is all just a field test that the marines are being used as lab rats in.

[Zartam]

Cryosleepers are actually clone vats and they produce marines on-demand with fabricated memories.

There are only 5 stock memories that they use for all the marines.

There's a USCM ship in every sector of the controlled universe with clone vats, so they don't need to travel for years, which explains the USCM excellent response time.

All command and support personnel are synths.

[FGRSentinel]

The Almayer isn't real. It's all just some Matrix-style simulation the USCM uses to test battle plans, weapons, vehicles, and bioweapons without fear of the UA being hit with war crimes. The "marines" on the "Almayer" spend their entire lives in the pods, having every moment from birth to finishing boot camp fabricated and their memories of every OP wiped after the OP is complete or when killed. As a result, the true age of "Marines" on the "Almayer" can range from one week to 90 years old.

[Hughgent]

Cryosleepers are actually clone vats and they produce marines on-demand with fabricated memories.

There are only 5 stock memories that they use for all the marines.

There's a USCM ship in every sector of the controlled universe with clone vats, so they don't need to travel for years, which explains the USCM excellent response time.

All command and support personnel are synths.

But you're the only one with real memories.

[Zartam]

No, all memories are deviations of BIll Carson's childhood.

[conthegodoffire]

PO's love to yell at people then leave marines behind. Both on the Almayer and on the planetside/station.

I think the CO has a meeting every game to tell them ways to fuck with us.