VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Locked
User avatar
VortexGaming
Registered user
Posts: 219
Joined: 14 Mar 2018, 15:47
Location: Maryland
Byond: VortexGaming

VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by VortexGaming » 12 Oct 2018, 17:55

Byond ID: VortexGaming

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here): Alicia, Kaitlynn "Maverick" Lawson

Name of the character you want whitelisted (The name your predator will use. This must match your in-game predator name): Ja'akir Aki

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor? Of course, I wouldn't even think about making the application before getting to know it

Character background (An ADEQUATE description and story of your predators background):
Disclaimer I am not the best story teller but I tried to go all out on this one.

Ja'akir's Backstory.
► Show Spoiler

Ja'akir's First hunt
► Show Spoiler
How do you intend to play your predator (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your predator)?
I intend to play my predator as the capture and duel type, Typically taking revenge on those who hurt him and hunting them as a priority. If a marine sees him run by and Ja'akir doesn't have a current target and he gets shot if the marine fits into the standards of honor code Ja'akir will begin hunting him. The same goes for Xenomorph's. Though Ja'akir is a bit worried to hunt Xeno's, and may occasionally state his concern for the danger that comes of hunting them (which I feel Ja'akir may get bullied by other preds which I understand) so unless a xenomorph pisses Ja'akir off he might not hunt them specifically.

Why should we whitelist you?
I feel like I can bring decent RP into CM as I have heard good things from the synthetic I play Alicia and it honestly gives me joy when people say Alicia's quirk is fun and such, and I feel I have proven that I can roleplay with Alicia and other characters. I have also been playing CM for nearly a year now and I feel I am a decent player in the community and enjoy staffing it.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)?
I have not.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why?
I am not.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?
Of course.
Last edited by VortexGaming on 13 Oct 2018, 16:30, edited 1 time in total.
Kaitlynn Lawson The Commander. http://www.cm-ss13.com/viewtopic.php?f=142&t=18802
Alicia:viewtopic.php?f=149&t=17406
Staff history
► Show Spoiler

User avatar
carlarc
Registered user
Posts: 204
Joined: 18 Jun 2016, 01:50
Byond: carlarc
Steam: carlarc
Contact:

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by carlarc » 13 Oct 2018, 16:01

First thing I notice is that the story is just a massive wall of text. Please use paragraphs for your applications (Your synth app had them, what happened?) I've seen you around a few times, mostly as Alicia, but haven't really interacted with you. The playstyle is pretty generic except for the lack of xenomorph hunting (Which seems to be more prohibiting than interesting).. I'm leaning on a -1 due to the awkward story but staying neutral since you're a moderator with both CO and synth accepted.
I like hand labelers.

User avatar
VortexGaming
Registered user
Posts: 219
Joined: 14 Mar 2018, 15:47
Location: Maryland
Byond: VortexGaming

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by VortexGaming » 13 Oct 2018, 16:15

carlarc wrote:
13 Oct 2018, 16:01
First thing I notice is that the story is just a massive wall of text. Please use paragraphs for your applications (Your synth app had them, what happened?) I've seen you around a few times, mostly as Alicia, but haven't really interacted with you. The playstyle is pretty generic except for the lack of xenomorph hunting (Which seems to be more prohibiting than interesting).. I'm leaning on a -1 due to the awkward story but staying neutral since you're a moderator with both CO and synth accepted.
Sorry about the wall of text, I mainly just didn't even think about sectioning it off. The reason why its different from my synth app was people complained about the way I wrote it so I changed it up. The playstyle? Its just what interested me more. I would still hunt Xenomorphs, It just wouldn't be as often as other Yautja. Hopefully any questions or other opinions given by others will change your mind.
Kaitlynn Lawson The Commander. http://www.cm-ss13.com/viewtopic.php?f=142&t=18802
Alicia:viewtopic.php?f=149&t=17406
Staff history
► Show Spoiler

User avatar
MattAtlas
Registered user
Posts: 379
Joined: 21 Feb 2018, 06:31
Byond: MattAtlas

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by MattAtlas » 13 Oct 2018, 16:27

I'm not gonna lie the story is bordering on unreadable with the wall of text.

Can you please space it out properly?
I'm part of the Synthetic Council with ThesoldierLLJK and Jakkkk. Feel free to DM me on the forums or Discord (Matt#5881) if you have any questions about synths.

User avatar
VortexGaming
Registered user
Posts: 219
Joined: 14 Mar 2018, 15:47
Location: Maryland
Byond: VortexGaming

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by VortexGaming » 13 Oct 2018, 16:31

I sectioned some of it off, If emerald blood dislikes me doing that after the one hour rule Ill just have it reverted back to the original.
Kaitlynn Lawson The Commander. http://www.cm-ss13.com/viewtopic.php?f=142&t=18802
Alicia:viewtopic.php?f=149&t=17406
Staff history
► Show Spoiler

User avatar
Karmac
Registered user
Posts: 2458
Joined: 08 Aug 2016, 00:29
Location: 'Straya
Byond: Karmac
Steam: Karmac

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by Karmac » 19 Oct 2018, 00:59

The quality of the backstory paragraph is lacking and not only in regards to grammar and sentence structure, saw a few circumstances where you'd repeated the same thing, i.e. "Years later Ja'akir Aki begins his training to begin hunting, His elder finally believed he is ready enough to begin training for his first hunt.". It also drags on for far too long about things that don't matter or really pertain to the ultimate playstyle of the predator, the fact half the paragraph is dedicated to him training to begin training to go on his first hunt, and then goes into detail about his combat training, is a very prevalent example of this. Your intended playstyle and personality involves you acting as what would essentially be a giant disappointment to any member of the predator race, which I assume you understand, but isn't something I'm too sure we should allow so easily.

I haven't even gotten to the thick of this application and it's looking like a big -1 chief. I'll review the rest on your next application because this just isn't good enough.
Garth Pawolski, or is it Powalski?

Back in action.

User avatar
ThesoldierLLJK
Registered user
Posts: 1082
Joined: 29 May 2018, 15:08
Location: Florida
Byond: ThesoldierLLJK
Steam: thesoldier20

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by ThesoldierLLJK » 19 Oct 2018, 01:16

I’m going to go with the fact that his RP with alicia is spot on, and he has the CO whitelist.

He’s active in the community, has the other whitelists, and he’s a mod to.

+1 even though the story was blinding and I wish you had formatted it better because Jesus Christ my eyes

User avatar
VortexGaming
Registered user
Posts: 219
Joined: 14 Mar 2018, 15:47
Location: Maryland
Byond: VortexGaming

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by VortexGaming » 19 Oct 2018, 06:18

Karmac wrote:
19 Oct 2018, 00:59
The quality of the backstory paragraph is lacking and not only in regards to grammar and sentence structure, saw a few circumstances where you'd repeated the same thing, i.e. "Years later Ja'akir Aki begins his training to begin hunting, His elder finally believed he is ready enough to begin training for his first hunt.". It also drags on for far too long about things that don't matter or really pertain to the ultimate playstyle of the predator, the fact half the paragraph is dedicated to him training to begin training to go on his first hunt, and then goes into detail about his combat training, is a very prevalent example of this. Your intended playstyle and personality involves you acting as what would essentially be a giant disappointment to any member of the predator race, which I assume you understand, but isn't something I'm too sure we should allow so easily.

I haven't even gotten to the thick of this application and it's looking like a big -1 chief. I'll review the rest on your next application because this just isn't good enough.
The first part of the story was ment to give some backstory on Ja'akir's anger issue's as said in this line he was smacked upside the head being warned "If you wish to be a mere animal breeder than a hunter, your father would be disappointed. He claims that you were going to be the best hunter in our clan, but as I can see it was just a mere lie!" the elder says. This made Ja'akir angry, He flared his mandibles" and "Ja'akir would always end up bleeding by the end of it, and after every training session he would become furious at the beating he has taken," They were also intended to give some Pred lore in it. Now being a disappointment to any member of the predator race? Not so much. According to the predator, lore is totally fine not to be a hunter. Some people may thing less of you sure but It's kinda viewed as working at a fast food restaurant, someone needs to flip the burgers. Though Ja'akir wants to be a hunter he is mainly just worried about losing his life to the Serpents like his father, which is blinded by his rage when attacked.

I also find it a bit rude to make your final verdict only reading the first half of an application, It actually did take me a lot of time to write this and I did put effort, If you are going to -1 I'm fine. But can I please ask you to read the rest of the story?
Kaitlynn Lawson The Commander. http://www.cm-ss13.com/viewtopic.php?f=142&t=18802
Alicia:viewtopic.php?f=149&t=17406
Staff history
► Show Spoiler

User avatar
VortexGaming
Registered user
Posts: 219
Joined: 14 Mar 2018, 15:47
Location: Maryland
Byond: VortexGaming

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by VortexGaming » 19 Oct 2018, 06:20

ThesoldierLLJK wrote:
19 Oct 2018, 01:16
I’m going to go with the fact that his RP with alicia is spot on, and he has the CO whitelist.

He’s active in the community, has the other whitelists, and he’s a mod to.

+1 even though the story was blinding and I wish you had formatted it better because Jesus Christ my eyes
Yeah, Im not the best at writing stories, I tried my best to write it and all but yeah... Thanks for the support.
Kaitlynn Lawson The Commander. http://www.cm-ss13.com/viewtopic.php?f=142&t=18802
Alicia:viewtopic.php?f=149&t=17406
Staff history
► Show Spoiler

User avatar
Vitoras
Registered user
Posts: 78
Joined: 02 Jul 2018, 17:09
Byond: vitoras

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by Vitoras » 22 Oct 2018, 10:40

Welp, it's time to revive your app. Story is meh, but I know you as a good man. Also you have CO whitelist and moderator rank.
+1, fella.

User avatar
Pedroca2lucas
Registered user
Posts: 49
Joined: 13 Aug 2017, 20:19
Location: Rio De Janeiro
Byond: Pedroca2lucas

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by Pedroca2lucas » 24 Oct 2018, 12:34

As everyone said, your story is a bit difficult to read, even though, due to your rank and having both whitelists. I'm giving you my +1

Good luck!
Marine: Tony 'Blank' Anders Synth: Yuki Mentor: 11/13/2018 Usually playing as:
Synthetic
CMO
Doctor
CE
MT
MP
XO

User avatar
edgardo
Registered user
Posts: 285
Joined: 26 Jun 2017, 10:06
Location: Venezuela
Byond: edgardo1

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by edgardo » 24 Oct 2018, 21:18

I didn't Like how you made your story a BIG wall of text, BUT, your story was pretty nice and i liked it, also, i will be able to Dab on a pred Now
► Show Spoiler
What we call thehuman heart...It's such a mystery, isn't it?
Alyx 'Winter''Einzbern
¿I can ERP with the Doors Dean?
► Show Spoiler
Medal Collection

User avatar
Ghostdex
Registered user
Posts: 544
Joined: 14 Feb 2015, 17:27
Location: Earth
Byond: Ghostdex

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by Ghostdex » 10 Nov 2018, 18:59

Pretty much what Karmac said, neutral for now.
John 'Fixer' Donable
Kara Walsh
Kjuhte-Teer
Part of the Yautja Council with SpartanBobby, Imperator_Titan, Sailor Dave and Symbiosis. Feel free to PM any of us with questions about Predator
Image
Image
Something a bit funny: http://i.imgur.com/lKfpvwd.png
The story of Operative Delta: https://imgur.com/Go3VIhs https://imgur.com/4K8AqdA

User avatar
Symbiosis
Registered user
Posts: 673
Joined: 17 Apr 2017, 12:13
Byond: Symbiosis

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by Symbiosis » 17 Nov 2018, 04:02

-1.

The last thing I want to see is a Predator lamenting death, afraid of committing to a fight, or acting like a coward.

I understand you were probably looking for an emotional backstory... but I couldn’t envision the timid Yautja afraid of death - or the death of other Yautja - to become a battle hardened Hunter.

Sorry, boss.
Cliff "Chubs" Campbell

"Hey, did anyone bring any food with them?”

Thwei Kv’var - Blood Hunter

User avatar
VortexGaming
Registered user
Posts: 219
Joined: 14 Mar 2018, 15:47
Location: Maryland
Byond: VortexGaming

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by VortexGaming » 17 Nov 2018, 08:57

Symbiosis wrote:
17 Nov 2018, 04:02
-1.

The last thing I want to see is a Predator lamenting death, afraid of committing to a fight, or acting like a coward.

I understand you were probably looking for an emotional backstory... but I couldn’t envision the timid Yautja afraid of death - or the death of other Yautja - to become a battle hardened Hunter.

Sorry, boss.
Yeah mainly I wanted to try something interesting to where I won’t really attack unless you attack me to which I wouldn’t stop loooking for you till I either beat you to crit or kill you essentially. Turns out no one really likes how I deployed it so I would like to withdraw this app and try again later
Kaitlynn Lawson The Commander. http://www.cm-ss13.com/viewtopic.php?f=142&t=18802
Alicia:viewtopic.php?f=149&t=17406
Staff history
► Show Spoiler

User avatar
Emeraldblood
Registered user
Posts: 1671
Joined: 19 Aug 2016, 21:04
Location: USA, Florida
Byond: Emerald Blood

Re: VortexGaming- Ja'akir Aki the Youngblood.

Post by Emeraldblood » 17 Nov 2018, 13:53

Resolved - Withdrawn as of today.
Ban Appeal Users: If I've lifted your perma ban and you're still unable to log onto the server, send me a forum PM regarding it and I'll work to get it fixed in ~24 hours.

Emerald Blood: CM's mommy and the only head staff who does anything. Even though I hate you all sometimes, I still love you.

Locked