The Hunt #1

Show off your artwork and literacy.
Post Reply
User avatar
SagaSword
Registered user
Posts: 586
Joined: 02 Aug 2015, 19:58
Byond: Sagasword

The Hunt #1

Post by SagaSword » 26 Aug 2016, 16:44

Bzzz..bzzzzz...bzzzzzz

*A familiar sound calls your name*

Sl'var....are you dead?...

*The sound of fire and air in a distance, you open your eyes slowly and see a very familiar face*

U-ugh...Wh-where am i? Wait...I am alife..and..ARGH!

*You try to move but your body is greatly damaged*

Good to know you are alive...it would be a shame if a great hunter like you died now, The fun has just begun.

BZZZZ...Bzz..bzzz..zzzz

No way..*coughs*..how?..*coughs*...You will*cough*pay for this.

And who's going to do that, you? I'd rather finish you off for your cheap way to kill me, but killing you would be a shame for me. I'd rather leave you here and bleed to death, you worm...

S-STOP!*cough*...Get back here and fight me..*You try to pull yourself up, but you struggle to even stand on your knees*

Don't worry, we will meet again. Good night, Sl'var. *You drop unconscious due to a blow to your head*

____________________________________

Chapter 1: ReBirth
► Show Spoiler
____________________________________

I haven't doubted a second in my life that i'm going to die very soon, each time i look in a corner my eyes shift with the strangest. It's like my soul is getting ripped piece by piece until it's reduced to nothing. But i have a mission...No, i have a revenge, a revenge on him, and the whole world cannot stop me from dying without taking him with me. That's what i promised myself, promised "Him".

Chapter 2: The Beginning
► Show Spoiler
___________________________________

There are days of light and days of darkness for everyone, but my life...has always been dark. I can hear the voices of those that i failed down haunt me...they make me count the seconds of my miserable life. There is only one way out of this, death. But it's not the time for it, my mission is the one that will keep my soul at rest when i die...I Can't stop now.

Note : Hey everyone! So this is actually my first time writing a story in public and i want your feedback on this. You can tell me the problems with the story and a way to better writing. I was bored so i spent my time making a story, people said that i'm a good writer so i wanted to test that out. Thank you!
Last edited by SagaSword on 26 Aug 2016, 17:06, edited 1 time in total.
The Greatest Memer of all time!
Image
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfsFV7VGBzI

User avatar
ShortTemperedLeprechaun
Registered user
Posts: 746
Joined: 22 Aug 2015, 16:39
Location: Having coffee somewhere in ireland

Re: The Hunt #1

Post by ShortTemperedLeprechaun » 26 Aug 2016, 16:48

Only slight issue I see, is "Alife". I'm almsot fairly certain it should be "alive"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dA6plQFKzY Scotty Hardy: Resident loud mouth, smart assed Irishman. Image Gahn'tha-cte Bhu'ja: Honorable duelist, beserker charger, jungle hunter.

User avatar
SagaSword
Registered user
Posts: 586
Joined: 02 Aug 2015, 19:58
Byond: Sagasword

Re: The Hunt #1

Post by SagaSword » 26 Aug 2016, 17:05

ShortTemperedLeprechaun wrote:Only slight issue I see, is "Alife". I'm almsot fairly certain it should be "alive"
U NO TEACH MEH VOCAB! ME KNW MAH DICTIONARY WELL!

Srsly, you are probably right. I will change that

You have seen nuffin!
The Greatest Memer of all time!
Image
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfsFV7VGBzI

Post Reply